better! been afebrile for two hours at a stretch now for the first time in 4 days :)

whattt???
that IS an achievement. n guess how im celebrating??lol!! by being online.
neways off for now.shudent overdo it :)

103.6 degrees fahrenheit yest and it kept increasing...been spiking all day.
makes me yet wonder if il'l survive this one :)
(lol!! ok ok seems like me at my dramatic best whn im not well)

ciao! till we meet again...

A "GENUINE" WORLD

Once upon a time, in a far away land thr lived a girl who used to always hate herself for believing the wrong people...she always complained bout takin things farr too seriously sometimes..much seriously than they r supposed to be taken.
thanks to gods grace and some stronger force lookin upon her she managed to realise almost always before things got too hurting.but yes, ALMOST always :)
SHE always liked to believe tht the world is a beautiful place, full of beautiful n honest ppl...ppl who never cheat, lie, betray trust...ppl who stand by wht they say, mean wht they claim and live upto their promises.
But the sadistic bitch tht life was, wanted to teach her a few lessons of its own...wanted to break her illusion in the worst possible manner...and it did!
It had its own ways to do so, ways tht SHE hadent even imagined ...one big blow was all it took for her to shatter and as she realised tht words can lie, ppl can fib, dirty mind games can be played and feelings can be mocked at, she also realised tht the world wasent as beautiful a place as she'd imagined...
so SHE decided to get bakk...she decided to change the world.decided to make it a beautiful place, atleast she could try...try to make it more like the world she had imagined...more like the world she wanted it to be...so she went on being good to ppl, making new friends, spreading smiles and joy all over in her small lil ways...
All she hoped was gettin bout makin ppl around her worthy of being trusted, so tht she could prove life wrong...could prove tht she was right afterall and tht she had won!
It was a tough ordeal and she had to emerge victorious...thts wht she had decided.everytime she felt like quitting , she wud remember how much she had gone through to get over things, to come to terms with reality, to deal with the various shades of human nature she had seen .She knew how tough it is to get beyond all the hurt and everytime she remembered wht she had been through, she used to hate life all the more for makin her realise the harsh wrath of reality...and stronger became her urge to make the world more trustworthy. a small beautiful world of her own whr noone would have the need to fib, noone wud cheat, and noone wud ever make promises wch would be broken...she dreamt of a world where nobody wud lie to anybody .nobody would play with feelings...whr emotions would be true.and those expressed would be the only ones wch were felt.
She realised it wasent possible to change the whole world but she had decided tht she would atleast change HER world...would include only those ppl who were capable of being trustworthy, who could be trusted, who wud never break promises, ...a world of true emotions, sincere feelings and pleaaant memories... a world whr all the bitter experiences could be put aside never to be remembered again.
She now made friends with caution, stayed away frm ppl she dint feel she could trust, tried and tested her friendships and became very selective about ppl and things in her life.
At times she felt all the trouble was futile and tht she should give up cos no matter wht, she couldent change ppl...and it wss too difficult to search for "genuine" emotions amidst a crowd of lies, fibs, false hopes and feelings...but yet she went on...somethin in her told her it was worth the effort .atleast she wouldent feel cheated again...she would know the right frm the wrong...she went on makin friends, knowing ppl, tryin to understand thm and as she extended a hand of friendship with everyone she met, she knew exactly whom to stay a safe distance frm..
But something was changing...wht was?? she wondered..she couldent understand...
as the days went by the search went on...new members were added to her small lil world .her true world of "genuine" ppl...others were strictly kept away, though not many could realise wch side of the door they were .SHE was smart enough never to let thm know...only she knew...but something was changing.wht was???...she kept confirming...by now her world was full of tried n tested friendships, true emotions, ppl who loved her, cared for her and would never give up on her...but something had changed!...
She wasent convinced...she kept doubting their intentions.their feelings...in her search for "genuine emotions" she had lost out on trust...soon she realised tht she couldent trust anyone nemore...not even the genuine ppl in her beautiful world..not even the ppl who claimed to care , to love her , the friends whom she had tried and tested, the ones who had stood up for her whtsoever...the ones who would never want to see her sad.and even the ones who had turned their back on the whole wide world to enter this small lil "genuine" world SHE had created...
She wept as she realised life had played yet anothr dirty trick on her...in her quest for genuine feelings, she had lost herself as a person...she had lost the ability to trust ppl..she had CHANGED!...she was afraid of promises, she couldent believe words anymore..everythin seemed fake-even in her "genuine" world wch she was soo proud of...she realised tht one blow frm life was all it took n though she thot she had survived it all, the aftereffects were showin up now...
She cried silently as she realised how hurt the ppl who really cared felt at this...she wanted to believe they cared but somewhr thr was a lurking doubt questioning the sincerity of their feelings...and SHE thought it juss wasent fair to carry furher with stupid doubts tagging along whrever she went...
somewhere down the line, she got hurt and now she realised tht every feeling expressed to her after tht would have to pay the price!
She smiled to herself as she remembered how she wanted life to change the world around her...how she hoped ppl could be more trustworthy
well life did change something---it changed HER!!!

COMEBACK TAG! :)

Realised tht ive been neglectin my blog quite a bit these days...
Life has been busy...but thn as they say, whn life gets too busy, tk the time to stop a while and say hi...it matters , it counts! and thn again its juss not me to stop thinking, forming opinions,raising doubts and wondering about the ironies tht life has to offer...neither is it pri to stop appreciating life despite all the odds...
So as long as il'l think, il'l write and as long as iil'l live , the thought process goes on...though perhaps interspersed with a lotta pauses due to sheer lack of time , not thoughts ! :)
Anyways , to get back into blogging mode, wht better way there is than to tk up a tag juss to go with the flow as of now!

so here goes, though noone has tagged me in particular, i prefer to tag myself :)
(tag courtesy--- chands blog)

1.PICK OUT A SCAR U HAVE AND EXPLAIN HOW U GOT IT.
well , thr is this scar i have on my left leg,juss below my knee...i still remember how i got it.i was barely 7 at tht time, a mischievous kid.always roaming around.jumping about.gave my mom a tough time.heehee...always experimenting new things...n thr was this one time whn we put up a new swing at home--the kind u hang frm the ceiling...n the brat tht i was, inspite of my moms repeated warnings to stay away frm it cos it wasent too strongly put up, paid a deaf ear to her n attempted!
slow at first, the speed at wch i started swaying gradually kept increasing along with my confidence tht i was light enough for the swing to sustain...
and in my zeal and overconfidence, i dint even realise tht the chain had given wayy n i came crashing to the ground --swing and all!whoaa!!it was at quite a height and the next thing i remember is me on the floor badly bruised...the hurt healed with time ...all but this one scar thanks to tht stupid mud vase a piece of wch splinted n caused the damage as i came crashing to the floor :(
whoaa! tht horrendous incident put me off swings for a while...n even now i make it a point to test swings by lettin atleast 5 ppl use it before i do...heehee

2.WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
there is this poster wch says "worlds messiest room award" wch i take gr8 pride in showin off...also thrs another one on the wall in the connecting passage wch happens to be a part of my room pointing out the rules n regulatins ppl need to follow whn they set foot in my humble abode :p...
mmmm...nothin much thr..i like to keep my walls clean u see..so no scribbles n scrawls for me! ;p

3.WHAT DOES YOUR PHONE LOOK LIKE?
err! good this question reached me now whn ive juss given up my "jaago india jaago" wala embarressin cell phone ..well rite now im using my dads old 6220nokia but this juss a transitional phone...heehee...im plannin on gettin a new one by this months end WITH MY PAY ...so dont expect anythin gr8...hmpf..thinkin of goin for a moto slim one...tht fits my budget! *hiding my face*:-/

4.WHAT MUSIC DO U LISTEN TO?
GOOD music...actually tht depeds entirely on my mood or rather mood swings...heehee
it varies frm softrock to pop to jazz to old hindi melodies...no hard rock for me though.---gives me a headache :-/

5.WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT DESKTOP PICTURE?
its this girl standing on the shore n lookin at the waves...somehow the picture manages to evoke a strange kinda serenity inspite of the sea being soo rough :)

6.WHAT DO U WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
want it to RAIN! the crazy heats killing me...its almost june n no signs of rain yet :-/

7.DO U BELIEVE IN GAY MARRIAGES??
well, dont really...but thn not the one to object to it...i believe in freedom to live your life the way u want it...if u r gay , its ur choice.i or noone for tht matter can have a say in it...

8.WHAT TIME WERE U BORN?
hmm time whn the gods decided to do earth a favour ..:p
it was sometime after 10pm ...my mom says it was raining like crazy...i believe it was the angels crying on my departure frm the heavenly abode...though my di keeps insisting it was othrwise...according to her they were overjoyed-khushi ke aansoo...hmpf! i told ya pathetic sense of humour :-/

9.ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL TOGETHER?
OFCOURSE! inseperable---they were , are and always will be a team--lol!!-forever conspiring against me!!! yeah yeah---for my betterment they say :-/


10.WHAT ARE U LISTENIN TO?
"musu musu haasi" from the movie-pyaar mein kabhi kabhi...:)


11.DO U GET SCARED OF THE DARK?
yes sometimes...esp whn im alone! :-/

12.THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE U CRY?
why do u wanna know tht? i dont want any apologies...

13.WHAT IS YOUR FAV PERFUME/COLOGNE??
mmmm...lemme see...my favs are chanelno5,isseymiyake, poeme etc etc.
perfumes are supposed to be a girls 2nd best friend ;p...heehee

14.WHAT KINDA HAIR/EYE COLOUR DO U LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
well eyes, i like guys with soft smiling eyes...that i would notice more than the colour :)
n bout hair colour...ne colour except grey or streaked..lol!! mebe black or dark brown---like it plain n simple...no artificiality please! :p


15.DO U LIKE PAIN KILLERS??
if they actually help kill the pain---yes why not??/


16.ARE U TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
well, mite sound dumb in this womans era n stuff but yess...i would still want the guy to tk the initiative :)

17.FAV PIZZA TOPPING
mushroom n paneer, golden corn or better still PLAIN cheese...hate olives

18.IF U COULD EAT ANYTHIN RITE NOW, WHT WUD IT BE?
ive juss had my lunch n am stuffed...so cant think of food for the next 4 hrs at least :p

19.WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON U MADE MAD?
my di , who soo very much wanted me to go watch a movie with her...n i plain declined the offer sayin i was too bored...sigh! i guess i shud've come up with a better excuse! :-/

20.IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH U?
well, someone says he is ...i dunno!

"Lazzy tag"

I came across this kinda interesting tag while bloghopping wch asks u to cite 15 things in your room right now ...
Not tht anybody would be interested in knowin the sorry state of my messy room , but right now hav nothin better to do...so thought of takin up this tag out of free will,though nobody has tagged me
so here goes, 15 thingies in my room rite now in no particualar order as such (its tough to get things in order there neways :p]
1)---ME in a cream shirt and lazyy blue jeans at my laziest best :p trying to get my cell on charge without moving an inch frm the position i am in (hav mastered tht art now and am able to stretch myself no matter wht the distance beween the charger pinhole and the bed...heehee...hey now dont go about imaginin superhuman abilities here...the switch board is quite close to my bed :-/)
2)---jhumpa lahiri's "the namesake" lying half open...
3)---a pair of jeans slung carelessly on a nearby chair...
4)---a table cluttered with textbooks n novels which i still havent cleared inspite of my mom remindin me over a 100 times to my realisation tht i still cant go on with the excuse tht "im studin n thts how a students table is supposed to be "...sigh!...
5)---my side bed table with my fav "ganpati" idol placed in sucha way tht whn i wake up in the mornin , its there staring at me...
6)---another "lord ganesh" idol gifted by a friend on a nearby table wch has always managed to giv me a secure feeling n probably the courage to sleep alone in my room even after watchin the grossest of horror flicks *embarressed* heehee...
7)---a giant sized teddy bear my dad had gifted me as a bday gift a long long time bak during my "ohhhh i love those cuddly teddies n they r sooo chweeeet" years :-/ ...
8)---a cute blonde doll wch has got fond memories associated with it n wch il'l always treasure, not many really know why :) ...its a diff thing its all dust covered now n the shiny blonde hair isnt as shiny nemore :(...but it was something i had really given up hopes on and had u been thr whn my dad gifted it to me, u would hav gotten to see a cute 6 yr old hopping about like a kangaroo showing off her doll wherever she went.*blush* :d ...
9)---huge floral curtains adorning those superhuge windows to my room, selectin which i still dont know wht had come over me :-/ ...my mom still hasent gotten bout changin thm cos she thnks its funny to remind me of wht a bad choice ive got ...hmph! (pls note -ONLY whn it comes to curtains, though my mom somehow always thinks othrwise)...
10)---a cute stuffed monkey juss above my dressing table wch is slung in suchaway tht i always seem to see it first whn i look in the mirror :-/ thanks to my di who put it thr to help comparing the two images in the glass and reminding me she says, keep the thin line of difference alive :-/
yeah i know, sick sense of humour! *rolls her eyes*
11)---a "worlds messiest room" award pinned up yet again by my great di dearest :-/ ...it was a rude shock to me at first, kinda like "my room...MESSY!!!...huh? huh? huh? " but thn gradually realisation sunk in n now i take great pride in showin off tht poster.afterall not everyone can live in a mess :p .heehee
12)---some real ego booster pinups frm friends sayin "u r the best" and "miss u soo much" and yess thrs also a "thanks for being my angel" wch always manage to get me smiling even on ultragloomy days...
13)---a framed photograph wth me and my best friends wth stupid caps and tshirts reading "WE ARE THE BEST" when we stand in a row...i remember we were soo enthused bout the whole thing tht we had foolishly clicked several pics wch read it in diff combinations even including "WE THE BEST ARE" , before we had the right one :p
14)---my huge dishevelled bed with one side cluttered up as usual with only the side im sleepin on neat n tidy..lol, lots of pillows left, right and centre...
15)---AND last but not the least (worth mentioning here)is my laptop still gettin charged, who has been there for me through times good and bad n still hasent left my side inspite of facing innumerable insults by ppl around me ,inspite of my mom promising to kick it out of the house for gettin me addicted once upon a time,inspite of things being different now n me not using it much and despite those very illfrequent hi's and hello's from me...it does keep giving me those "u r soo totally neglectin me" looks nowadays but plan to pamper it a lot more whn i resume blogging regularly...sigh! havent i said this before? :-/

so there, jobs done...though thrs soo much clutter which i wud hav loved to mention (sigh! its not easy to keep maintain ur room messy :-/)
anyways tht for another day :p
would love to hear the sorry state of ur rooms too though must admit i dont think il'l hav competition :D
anyways here goes---i TAG :
keshi
sush
introvert
chandni
ekta
S

cheers to keepin the "messy spirit" alive so tht our future generations derive inspiration and keep preserving this "lazy gene" trait of ours for eons to come...


*smiles*

Found this tag really interesting ...thanks "sush" for taggin me :)


and since most ppl i know must hav already taken it up by now, i tag whoever's remaining :)

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

cheers n smiles :)

parting ways!

Its funny about relationships...
amusing how some can get the best out of u while some can inspire the worst....

n yet, one always realises too late ...
Today was the last day of my "rural posting with old friends.."
the place is feelin empty already...will miss havin u guys around :(
Its weird tht u only realise the value of something when u see it going away from u...thts when u realise u missin it soo bad tht u want to hav it all backk..the very same way u had it before.
and thts whn life makes u realise tht u cant do anythin but watch those moments slippin by ...
and yet life moves on...as all of us go different ways...
new directions,

new goals,

new destinations,

new faces,

new friends,



BUT neverthless,

old memories to cherish...
and nostalgic moments to treasure forever :)

n all the chaos tht followed!!

Whoaa!!! ...all the attention deficit i was sufferin frm for the past soo many months has been suddenly made up for...n i instead of enjoyin it HATED it...sigh!
It all started yesterday mornin while leavin for the hospital...i was gettin ready to leave n suddenly i experienced a severe abdominal pain...it was juss whn i was wonderin whethr i shud take an analgesic or not, tht my "mommy bestest" saw me wincing...n thr tht was it!!! hell broke loose...
my entire house was suddely in full motion...
dad was jolted outta his sleep....
my di was sitting upright on the bed wonderin wht had happened
n my mom was at her panicstriken best...
Gawd!! sometimes i feel its a melodramatic place---my crazy home...
ok ok i agree everybody was concerned n worried cos they thought it mite hav been a relapse...but this was a bit weird...cmon guys, dont u ppl understand tht even im human n thn u cant really expect me to be confident tht its juss a simple stomach ache whn u act like THIS...so, why do u get mad at me whn i giv u a confused look whn asked if its nothin serious??
why do ull bring up my medical studies n raise doubts bout whethr i really read my textbooks or not whn i giv u a "i dunno wht kinda pain im feelin" answer...??hmph!!its diff whn YOU r YOUR patient...why dont ull get it?? sigh!
Now the thing i hate most is whn someone rushes me...thts whn i goofup n am at my clumsy best, n thts whn im most accident prone...sheesh! im surprised my folks dont know tht inspite of livin 23 whole yrs with me...ok guess it was a case of "crisis amnesia" as my dad justifies later wch (for his information) dosent make up for even the lamest of excuses for the weird behaviour of thiers...neways so i was sayin, within minutes i was rushed (n i mean RUSHED) to a lab to get my bloodtest done...a crystal vase broken in the hallway as i left my home.(i told u im accident prone whn im rushed):-/
Now the scenario in the lab always gets me nervous...the lady who is supposed to draw the blood always seems soo "not confident" n inexperienced...if she's a young girl, she seems inefficient, if she happens to be a old lady, im scared she may prick a artery instead of a vein...sheesh! bottom line---i DONT trust those guys with my VEINS wch always play "hide n seek" whr blood collection is concerned...:(
Finally after the ordeal was over, i was wheeled (referrin to my car) back home...note the world "wheeled" here cos thts exactly how i felt...a stomach ache is all thts needed to make my parents treat me like a paraplegic.
Bugged to the core, n highly irritated with my dad, i got home n decided to giv everyone the silent treatment for their juvenile behaviour...but sigh! not for long.how long can u ignore 3 irritating humans surrounding u with questions like "is it the same kinda pain tht u had last yr?", "do u think we should call dr so n so?"or "r u sure its juss acidity wch u r claiming it to be?"...
I was smouldered with questions left, right and centre...whn i told thm the truth, they brought up all the times i was careless bout my diet n swore they wud never let me eat another "french fry" in my life...tht scared the shit outta me n i told thm tht the pain had dissapeared...yet! dunno why , i had to hear anothr lecture of how they wudent believe wht i said even whn i seemed okay...gawd! wht does a poor girl say to all this?? i was traumatised by the sudden attention n lecturing...n to make things worse it was a 3 against 1 scenario...not fair at all!
I tried to get away sayin tht i had to leave for the hosp n tht patients at the OPD wud be waiting for me...but i guess my moms too smart for tht...she stuffed me in bed payin a deaf ear to wht i was sayin while my dad muttered sumthin bout "noone dying at GMC without an intern" :-/ hmph!! my dad sure knows how to make me feel important...
Di was doin her bit too askin me after every 5 mins if the pain had subsided...yeah right! 5 mins bak whn i lied bout the pain vanishing suddenly nobody believbed me...asif they wud now! n thn u cant even lie to someone who keeps monitering ur facial expressions n asks a detailed explanation for every time u wince...yeah! thts my di :-/
The rest of the day was as bad as it could get...i was made to sleep all day, stay away frm my laptop (though i havent yet quite figured out the connection of tht with me being sick , but yet it was insisted tht i stay away AND insisted is too mild a word), was kept away frm all foodies, rather ,I WAS STARVED---atleast till my blood test reports were out n normal(tht was the explanation my mom offered ,though it was hard to believe her the way she was actin).i kept insisting tht even if the report was bad, 8 more hours of eating oily crap wudent make much of a diff...but my mom juss wudent listen...my family had turned into a "maniac" n worse still the maniac had juss one aim---to keep me away frm all things they considered harmful to my health...in othr words all the things i adored .BOOHOO!!!...
I was bored to death, locked in my room, tucked in bed...couldent even sleep wth tht discomfort...half of me was equally scared ...as much as they feared the "pancreatitis" demon who had struck me exactly 1 yr bak unawares, so did i...i kept thinkin bout how it was thn...perhaps i wudent even be strong enough to tk it all again now...things had changed 1 yr bak n life could never be the same again :)
I smiled to myself as i went thru the "sms's" i'd conveniently ignored amidst all this hullabaloo...guess the demon had sturck equal terror among my friends as well who had started feelin worried too...
more melodrama to my already dramatic life...heehee(pardon the pun...but guess humour never killed anyone right?) :)
N finally the long awaited hour arrived ...with 75% apprehension n 25% tension, i opened the envelope wch had my test results...the report was kinda ok...though some of my levels were kinda high...but as usual my mom could only see the bad levels...my dad kept doubting the lab for the levels wch had come wayy within normal limits...he only stopped after an exasperated me told him to go n perform the tests himself if he dosent trust those pathologists...thts whn he realised tht he was overdoing it.
I thanked god for the "kinda ok" report---thanks to wch thr was no hue n cry in pri's home :)
But thr was no stopping my mom who kept insisting tht i should go on a strict diet again inspite of the results comin ok :(...
gawd! i reckoned it was better to keep my mouth shut lest my MBBS studies came up again n they passed mean comments raising suspicion bout wht i'd actually written in my answer paper n whethr il'l be treating my patients right if im soo careless bout my health issues myself...hmph!!big JOKE!!
so i decided to let it lie for a while...im happy atleast the "net ban" is off today...(though i still dont see the relation...sigh!...neverthless)...my mom keeps muttering tht she wont allow me to go to college until im completely fine...i cant even lie to her cos she can see it right thru my teeth :(...so i guess ppl at work will hav the fortune to see me only whn the discomfort completely subsides n im back on my feet ...well n kicking! :-/
Till thn, n god knows how long after---its only diet food, bed rest, stupid soups, restricted online timings, n loads of lecturing for me...
sigh! thts how life is---a stomach ache n all tht CHAOSS!!!