my final destination...

PROMPT: empty, highway, ignore

the night is dark and deep...
silence fills the air yet i cant sleep...
i close my eyes and make a wish...

suddenly i find myself at a bend
a lonely highway it seems to be...
an empty path asif just made for me...
i walk along the road unknown...
its long and winding but something lures me...
im alone and afraid yet a faint halo leads me...
and then there is YOU!!

lost in a different world...
far away from reality...
there is beauty all around...
there are things i have only imagined...
and then there is YOU!

with a cloud for a pillow i dream...
a very different place it seems...
there is the lovely music of harps being played...
and then there is YOU!!

there are people smiling with friendly eyes...
noone speaks a word and yet i dont feel ignored...
there are flowers of different hues...
i see 'strawberry rain'...
and then there is YOU!!

i see angel faces and genuine hearts...
they touch me and my heart goes out to them...
i see 'vanilla skies' and 'crystal-clear seas'...
i watch innocent kids and aged people beaming with radiant joy..
and then there is YOU!!

i climb a stairway of beaded wishes...
each one is on its way to fulfillment...
as i reach the final step, a hand extends,
without a moments hesitation, i reach out...
and then there is YOU!!

YOU smile at me and ask me if i want to stay...
in this world of urs,or come back some other day?
and at that very moment i look down and see...
my loved ones are all away from me...
ive gotten here before my time is due,
should i return to them and wait some years few?

i say a silent prayer to drive away my fear...
ive made up my mind and ive decided to stay here...
just some days of missing me and they'll be fine...
i dont ever want to wake up from this dream of mine!!

and tomorrow when to wake me up they'll try,
i dont want them, on my death to cry....
and be it perhaps only for a lil while,
but i wish they'l greet my memory with a smile...
and know no matter how far it seems,
il'l always be around in their dreams...!!

from weird to weirder...

here's yet another small fact about pri---
I have this habit of listening to the radio till i drop off to sleep and even wayy after...

It started the fateful day i realised i was a victim of insomnia...and no amount of sitting online,reading or writing diaries guaranteed to help...

calling up friends was a big nono because i just couldent keep up to the conversation for anything more than 5 mins...no matter how hard they tried,i never then realised when i would slip away into indifference and oblivion...

so afraid,to lose out on my friends, i decided to play 'sleeping beauty' everytime they called (forget i said beauty ok?it was just a phrase..u dont need to smirk! :-/)
i was diagnosed as being on the verge of depression and i admit was terribly scared to slip off the edge...
i would violently blog those dsys but yet nothing helped...
everyone was tired of me because i neither wanted to tell stories nor listen to theirs...

so i resorted to somethin which wouldent hurt and which wouldent hurt me...somethin i could switch on and off without feeling guilty...somethin which wouldent feel ignored and left out if i dint speak..and yet somethin which would
take me back in to the past without telling me to move on or let go...
and that i realised could be none other than MUSIC!
started with online stuff...raaga.com, coolgoose.com, desi-radio.com etc etc..i remember those hours of nothing but downloading stuff and listening to it over and over again...those times i used to doze off on the chair itsself with the musical environment embracing me...
seeing that, one fine day mom decided to gift me an ipod to save me from 'torticollis' and 'early spondilitis' which she feared i would soon suffer from the postures i assumed as i dozed off head slung on the hard wooden chair...anyhoo the ipod was a cool surprise! :D

as time passed by, i helped myself get a lot over that phase...my friends were back (the ones who never left me ofcourse!)and so was my incessant chatting...but i could never really say 'goodbye' to music...lol!! i make it sound more like an ex dont i??


ok so coming back to the point,for the past 3-4 weeks 'mr ipod' seems to have done a dissapearing act :(
though mom is quite certain that 'kamal' must have flicked it,i have been paying her comments a deaf ear...
now why would kamal flick my ipod when there are things like my gold earings, bracelet, watch etc lying recklessly on my dressing table and bed...
see!!i got a point no??:-/

this explanation of mine has further heightened moms constant bickering of how careless ive become but it has also not been moving enough to get lazy me searching for it...im SURE it is there SOMEWHERE!!(procrastination rules...yet again!!)
i have never lost any of my things till date though it has always seemed soo close to that..heehee

Another thing wch has not made me search enough is that my ever loyal cell phone has come in handy since the past 4 weeks and thanks to it that im not deprived of my daily dose of 'moosick' wherever i may be...

but no! pri's life cant be that smoooth...there HAS to be a CATCH for every good thing isnt it?? *rolling eyes*
so hence, those blasted phone earplugs! ARGGGGGHHHH!!!

DONT dare to think im exaggerating!!this has given cause to an aching ear every single morning...
please note this has nothing to do with degrading the earplugs nokia provides with cell phones...its just that, the careless user that i am has somehow managed to rip off the cotton covering off them and now all im left with are these metallic objects for earphones...sigh!

NO! i cant get electrocuted in the process..ive confirmed that already...thankyou!:-/
its just that my ear would ache and ache and ache till one fine day i finally go deaf!
now everyone in the family finds this real weird,that inspite of the pain inflicted,i neither get the damn earplugs repaired nor stop those music sessions...
only explanation i have for this and wch i havent given anyone yet is that im too lazy for the former and too addicted for the latter...fine?

ohh just for the records,i lately (2 nights ago) discovered something better...i can actually listen to the radio by using the 'loud speaker' option on my phone instead of those stupid earplugs (yeah dont look at me like that...FINE!!im a bit of a technologically challenged 'einstein' to have discovered that so late..WAT-E-VER!!)

ok so if uve finished laughing and sneering, the point here is that now urs truly has now been sleeping with music on all night and has been waking up to new 'earacheless' days...yippeee!!
another highlight is it has managed to drive away the 'evil di' from my room which i have been unsuccessfully attempting for the past 5 months now...heeheehee
its a different think that it has got dad suspicious of whom his darling daughter has been talking to in the wee hours of the night :-/
i guess the volume was a bit too loud to have reached their room...

its okay!! i dont blame him...its hard to tell my voice from music ;)
i wonder why he almost choked when i said that...hmpf!!

ur opinion please...

here's a question for u...

HATE to love or LOVE to hate---which according to you is worse??

ok now here's another one...

which according to u is better---getting married and spending ur entire life with the one ur crazy about OR getting married and spending it with someone who's crazy about u? (keeping into mind that life is often too cruel to allow the person in the two situations to be the same)

ek doctor ki kahani...

its frustrating sometimes---a doctors life...
at the end of the day,it is never the lives saved which matter but only the unsuccessful attempts that come to haunt u!!

nobody ever seems to ask the doctor how she is feeling
or rather on second thoughts, does she feel at all!!..thats the attitude isnt it??

ive heard people calling doctors insensitive...emotionless...uncaring...
while some prefer stating it straight and blunt, some prefer to taunt subtly by saying something like 'doctors are strong ppl.undeterred..unaffected by anything'...and its not always meant in a compliment kinda way...

well ,all i gotta say is just because we dont cry and weep dosent mean we dont hurt or it dosent matter...
just because we had to learn to dissect human cadavers in first yr of med school, dosent mean we treat our patients as one...
it might seem mechanical our approach sometimes..but that dosent mean we dont care...
the best of surgeons might seem mechanical to u only because they are trying to save another life in the next 5 mins...
if we dont give ur 'headache' too much time, its probably because we are disturbed over another patients 'tumour'...
if we sometimes appear preoccupied, it dosent mean we are insensitive but it may be because we have a life too and no matter how much we try to keep the two off each other,there are times when our personal lives do interfere with our professional life...
we too have emotions...
we too get upset when something goes wrong with some patient...
just that we prefer not to show it...how would u like ur doctor sobbing out for some other patient while dealing with u??
and then we are supposed to be dealing with the truth right? but how many patients actually want to hear it??

its not an easy job...to detach urself from one case history to another...
sometimes its scary..sometimes u feel like the messenger of impending doom...
yes its great to see a patient recovering and leaving for home...but it also feels equally miserable to see a patient who's admitted going home the wrong way...
and amidst all this it gets pretty unnerving and difficult to put up a balanced act all the time...

and yet some ppl complain...i mean hell!!just because one stupid miserable wretch of a doctor refused to admit some seriously ill relative without letting him sign some admission papers or just because one money oriented bastard instead of choosing engg (no offence to the profession)opted for medicine and vented out his frustration later by getting involved in kidney scams or some organ transplant scandal and playing with life, u give the entire medical profession a bad name???
why this stereotype???
isnt it stupid to be soo biased?

'benefit of doubt' is all a doctor can ask for sometimes...
is that asking for too much??

p.s: i understand many think differently and regard the medical profession very highly and with due respect...
but this post was triggered off by something someone said...
sorry for rattling off maybe just too much...

im not a 'perfect' person!! :((

i have a feeling nobody really loves me :(
and why would they??

i havent been the perfect daughter
---i yell at my mom when she says something i dont like though i know its for my own good...
---i slam doors and still throw tantrums...
---i go without eating dinner if im not at the winning end of an argument...
---i do exactly the opposite of what im told to do sometimes...
---im too lazzy to help my mom in the kitchen and wait for her to call me (wch she hardly ever does..shes a sweetheart--my mom)
---im guilty of not spending enough time with my parents...
---i dont attend family parties even if my dad insists just because i find it boring to tag along with a plastic grin when i hardly know anyone there...
---i hardly make an appearance--not even to say a hello, when there are visitors at home...
so why would my parents love me?? :(


i havent been the perfect sibling either...
---im always the first to plunge at the extra bit of icecream in the fridge and sometimes i sneak downstairs quietly just to reach there first...heehee
---im the most terrible patient a dentist can ever have, when i go to her clinic...
---i never have the time to listen to her though i make sure she's always there to listen to my cribbings/rantings/troubles/woes etc etc
---i sometimes ignore her when im in the company of friends :-/
---i make her chauffeur me around when i need to go someplace...
---i often get irritated with her when she advices me on things i havent asked her about...(i hardly realise then that shes only trying to help)
---i never go along with her when she wants the company...
---i almost always make up excuses not to meet her friends...
---i pick at her mistakes like ive forever been searching for them :-/
---im hardly ever there to console her when shes down...
---most of the times, i give her brutally cold opinions, often telling her that its her mistake even when it sometimes is not...
---i hardly think she's ever right...
then why would she love me after all this??? :(


i havent been the perfect friend either...
---i hardly forgive but i expect to be forgiven...
---i seldom remember birthdays..but im irritated if someone dosent remember mine...
---i often reach late for meetups..but hate if im made to wait...
---sometimes i dont understand but almost always i expect to be understood :-/
---if im really angry i might say nasty things on ur face, but if u do the same, il'l end up shocked, bawling and walking out on u...
---it dosent take much to hurt me if ur my friend and i care about u...
---i have got a huge ego and find it very difficult to apologise even if i really want to...
---if im feeling blue, i (even though unintentionally)make sure u rnt feeling 'pink' either :-/
---if im irritated, il'l say so right on ur face and expect u to forget it the next morning and be my 'bestest' friend again...
then after knowing all my eccentricities, why would my friends love me? :(


when it comes to being 'the one'...
---i would expect him to love me , me and only me...
---there would be days when i would feel ultra-possesive and get irked at the slightest mention of anything or anyone feminine (other than me)...
---there would be times when i would expect him to understand that im too lazzy to cook for him and want him to suggest that we eat out...
---there would be days when i would expect him to convince me how much he loves me and he shouldent get fed up if i play 'difficult'...sigh!
---i would want the love never to fade..not for a single moment...
---i wouldent assure him 'his space' all the time as there can be days when i would be watching him like a hawk..every move...every action...just because i feel like it...sigh!
---i would expect him to know everything without me having to say and when he dosent, i'd be a tad bit dissapointed...
---i would want him to strike a perfect balance between 'cloud 9' compliments and realistic ones...
---i would want him not to be bugged or irritated at me ever...even though i know i can be quite irritating at times...
---i would want him to have the patience and make me understand things i dont...and never ever get fed up and say 'FINE!' or 'WHATEVER!'
---i would want him to teach me to 'dream' once again...
---i would want him to dream with me :)
---i would want him to be the first to patch up incase of any differences...
---i would want him to scold me if im wrong and not just act indifferent or oblivious and not wait for me to cool down by myself...
---i would want him to never get tired of speaking to me and never feel bored of listening to me (sigh! i know here im asking for a bit too much)
ok! so i wonder which person would fall in love with me with all my silly utopian expectations?? :(


see see! ive never been perfect...never been the perfect daughter, sibling, friend or partner...
i wasent ever..im not and probably il'l never be :(
and now after this introspection, i think im going to go to my room and bury my head in the pillow and never come out of there...hmpf!
im sucha horrible person!! :(

nobody loves me!! they all lie...they do! just to make me feel better!! :((

i knoww itt!! i KNOWWWW!! *runs off sobbing*

TAGGED!!---'30 questions'

i was tagged by 'sam' with this herculean task which was even more difficult because i couldent just copy paste the questions but instead had to write them down word by word on here before answering them (all thanks to that stupid thing he has enabled on his blog which dosent allow u to copy any of the stuff there..sam, i know u against plagiarism...we all are!! but why dont u think of us poor souls who would just find it soo much simpler and quicker to copy paste the QUESTIONS of tags uve tagged us with!!)
ok remind me to ask u to teach me how to enable that on my blog too ok? :D
somewhere amidst all the complaining, i got rather impressed with that...heehee

ok before u think im crazy,lets get along with the tag...

1)LAST MOVIE U SAW IN A THEATRE?
'u me aur hum'

2)WHAT BOOK ARE U READING??
'shantaram'...great book but i just cant get enough time to read these days :(

3)FAVOURITE BOARD GAME?
'scrabble' though its been ages since ive played any board game :(

4)FAVOURITE MAGAZINE?
ummm 'india today' , 'readers digest' (if u can call that a mag)
ohh i do flip thru bollywood gossip and fashion mags too when im bored..but no favs really...

5)FAVOURITE SMELLS?
well there are many...
--->the smell of wet earth during the rains
--->the smell of coffee/hot chocolate brewing
--->the smell of detton mopped floors (err this i think ive gotten straight from the hospital)
--->the smell of fresh,hot,crunchy popcorn
--->the fragrence that strawberry body butter from 'the body shop' leaves on me (thats an all time fav)
--->the smell of the morning air when the 'gulmohar' tree in my backyard is in full bloom...ahh! its heavenly!!
--->my fav perfume--chanel #5, poeme etc
--->the lingering scent of showergel and shampoo left behind after ive had a hot refreshing shower

6)FAVOURITE SOUNDS?
--->the pitterpatter of raindrops hitting the groud and the window panes
--->the sound babies make when u tickle them and they are happy
--->someone's voice in the phonerecorded voicemessages i still have :)
--->my cell phone ring tone
--->the sound of music in my ipod
--->laughter as long as its not the 'mocking' kind


7)WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
--->when u have to show someone that u feel the exact opposite of what u actually do...inspite of knowing ul'l feel miserable having lied...
--->when u know the person u love most can come back to you but only to leave u again...and u cant decide what will hurt more...
--->when the person u would do everything possible to make happy is upset and the only person who can change that is not you...

8)WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN U WAKE?
breakfast! :p

9)FAVOURITE FASTFOOD PLACE?
im okay with anything anywhere as long as its good...

10)FUTURE CHILDS NAME?
err...cant make this decision alone can i? *blush*

11)FINISH THIS STATEMENT---'IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY I'D'
...probably be posting this tag from my private beach in hawaii!! ;p

12)DO U DRIVE FAST?
fine! rub it in!! i dont know how to drive! :-/

13)DO U SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
now im confused...was this tag supposed to be for toddlers?
hellooo!!...im 24 :-/
i do have a coupla stuffed cuties(childhood favs)in my room...but they just collecting dust now...sigh!

14)STORMS--COOL OR SCARY?
can be both depending on the situation ;)

15)WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
3rd june 1983, my mom and dad brought a 3.5kg bundle home from the hospital for the first time,in a white fiat---that was my first car!! :D

16)FAVOURITE DRINK?
ice chilled...sparkling white...crystal clear...thirst quenching WATER! ;)
apart from that--
-cranberry breezer
-hawaiian punch
-watermelon slush

17)FINISH THIS STATEMENT-IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD...
catch up with a lotta friends whom ive lost touch with only due to time restraints :(

18)DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI?
and what if i did??? :-/

19)IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY OTHER COLOUR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?
ummm always wanted to try 'mahogany brown' but everyone kept scaring me that the chemicals they use do more harm than good :-/

20)NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS U HAVE LIVED IN?
unfortunately or fortunately its just goa and mumbai :)
have visited a lot many though...

21)FAVOURITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
i hardly watch sports :-/

22)ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
a very mature writer who is still a kid at heart :)

23)WHATS UNDER YOUR BED?
a small lil green man who has just stepped down from the UFO which is parked right outside my room...and he is busy trying to open the locked treasure chest which 'robin hood' himself placed there because of security reasons...

whaaaatttt?? what did u expect? :-/
ask a stupid question...get a stupid answer!! *rolls her eyes*

24)WOULD U LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN??
me again???...no wayss!!
but wait a min...ONLY if im given a better option :-/

25)MORNING PERSON OR NIGHT OWL?
there was a time when i was both...
now i think im neither...sigh!

26)OVER EASY OR SUNNY SIDE UP?
skip the yellow(egg yolk)..skip the cholestrol!! (an unasked-for-advice from me to my 'stubborn' self, patients and friends)

27)FAVOURITE PLACE TO RELAX?
i dont need s particular place for that...
im always always relaxed!!

28)FAVOURITE PIE?
i dont like pie...saawrry!

29)FAVOURITE ICECREAM FLAVOUR?
banana&strawberry, freshlitchi, chocolatecrunch etc etc
the list is endless and if there is nothing , then i can even settle for plain vanilla ...heehee
im not at all fussy especially when it comes to icecreams and chocolates :D

30)OF ALL THE PEOPLE U HAVE TAGGED, WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?
err...the one who finds this tag most interesting :D

ok now i tag---
veens
chakoli
vrij
anuj
ankur
mads
the white phoenix
divya
lena

awake yet dreaming...

i gaze at the open skies...
they tempt me to reach out to them,
touch them and explore the meaning of those lovely hues,
how pleasant would be the view from up there?
i often wonder and spin a dream around it
but then im reminded of my clipped wings...

i awe at the vastness all around me...
i want to soar so high that i will no longer be visible to the naked eye,
spread my wings and fly over the oceans blue,
listen to the sound of waves as i glide across them,
feel the cool breeze touching me on the other side of the horizon,
but then im reminded of my clipped wings...

i want to let go of all worldly issues...
reach a stage where im no longer trapped in the clutches of materialism,
where i would be free from the evils of society and vulture eyes--
waiting to eat my carcass as i drop dead, tired from the effort,
i want to fly to another place...
to a different land afar...
soo far away that noone can ever find me...
and then im reminded of my clipped wings...

i have dreams to attain...
i have ambitions to achieve...
i have wishes to be fulfilled...
i have longings to be shared...
i have the courage to dare...
and even though im bound by these invisible chains today,
which keep reminding me of my clipped wings,
i still have the will...
the desire...
the hope...
that someday i will break free...
into a happier life...
a happier story...
a different world...

because i BELIEVE!! :)


PROMPT: stage, visible, touching from 3ww

on broken dreams...

sometimes i go all the way preparing myself not to expect a particular something...yet when the moment arrives, it hurts real bad...like someone has punched me hard in the stomach!!
and i wonder what is the use of preparing the self soo much??
perhaps its better off living a fantasy hoping itll come true someday and then see it getting crushed to bits when the time comes than being broken into pieces every single day just preparing for it only to find out that in the end, u can never really be completely prepared...

no matter how much u try to forget a dream, it still hurts when it is broken!