for the moment...

there are certain things which need to be expressed at that very instant when you want to...otherwise the moment just goes away and you dont feel like sharing it anymore..

happens a lot with me...

it is never deliberate...just that, some moments get lost when ignored and try as you might, you can never find them back!!

and the truth shall set u free...

i watch the busy street from across my balcony window and it reminds me so much of life..

a million thoughts are playing havoc in my head...

Have you ever felt life moving too fast? so fast that you cant figure out what exactly is happening??
so fast that everything seems almost like a blur, like a hazy vision which will just disappear if you try to reach it in an attempt to make it clearer.
have you ever felt comfortable in the mist overhanging your life?
have you ever felt safe in the dust covering the pages of each chapter written and every chapter yet to be written?
have you felt at peace with the inertia of the moment?

and how much longer does one continue with these conscious excuses to attain happiness out of resistance to the humdrum of life, from fear of losing the security in the normal routine pattern--however discomforting it may be??

the thoughts are still playing havoc in my head...


as i look into the distance, the traffic lights merge with the stillness of the night as if set out to blind me--the silent spectator--as if trying to say something..

i hear life speaking to me...
"you have no right to just stand and view me from a safe distance..sneak out of that safety blanket--step forward and take a closer look..you keep saying that i dont offer second chances dont u? but you are wrong--its me who might be the one needing a second chance and you, the adamant fool who isn't allowing me one"

and in that one fragile undisturbed moment, i realise the undeterred strength of a stubborn fact that can very well be the harshest yet greatest truth in the world...

and i guess its about time---life is waiting!!

the 'if i were...' tag!!

I got tagged with this one by a fellow blogger who also happens to have become a great friend..and since his blog is at present selectively available only to a limited audience, i am threatened not to disclose his bloglink in public (i can only hope he snaps out of the horrible delusions of persecution he is suffering from..sigh!!
please pray for his wellbeing and the wellbeing of his stalkers as well ;P )

neverthless, for the love of friendship and for the love of tags, im taking this one up right away..

so here goes, presenting before you all, "THE IF I WERE TAG" *drumrolls in the background*

If I were a color, I'd choose to be RED (the colour of passion...love..life!)

If I were a liquid, I'd choose to be THE ELIXIR OF LIFE

If I were a time, I'd choose to be TIME SPENT WITH THE PEOPLE I CHERISH

If I were a cellphone, I'd choose to be SWITCHED OFF (lol! go figure)

If I were a voice, I'd choose to be THE INNER VOICE--THE CONSCIENCE

If I were a bird, I'd choose to be A SEA GULL (flying across vast expanses of sea with the moon on my wings)

If I were a emotion, I'd choose to be NON EPHEMERAL HAPPINESS

If I were a music, I'd choose to be THE NOTES WHICH TOUCH THE SOUL

If I were a smile, I'd choose be ONE WHICH REACHES THE EYES

If I were water, I'd choose to be RAINDROPS FALLING ON THE WINDOWPANE

If I were an investor, I'd choose to be USING MY BRAINS TO INVEST RATHER THAN MY LUCK

If I were a stock, I'd choose to be THE ONE WHICH IS MOST UNPREDICTABLE..lol!

If I were a flower, I'd choose to be A ROSE (preferably red)

If i were a time of day, i'd choose to be DAWN

If I were an artist, I'd choose to be REDEFINING ART (through my passion for it)

If I were a subject, I'd choose to be HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY

If I were life, I'd choose to be MAKING SURE NOTHING EVER WENT WRONG

If i were to go missing from this world, i'd choose to be PAIN

If I were luck, I'd choose to be FAIR TO ALL

if i were a memory, i'd choose to be ONE WHICH NEVER LEAVES THE HEART

and now i pass on the honour to-
--scribbling girl
--jitsy
--santasizing fantasizing
--nidz
--raaji
--and last but not the least, anyone who wants to take this up..

cheers! :)

a wonderland moment...

Caterpillar: Who are YOU?
Alice: This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. I -- I hardly know, sir, just at present--at least..I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.

(Excerpt from 'alice in wonderland')

pushed!!

i knock at your door once again, only to realise you have turned me into a stranger---i, who am now just supposed to stand at your door step...talk a while and leave before i freeze to death from the stabbing cold..

the chilly breeze outside has turned uncomfortably numbing but nothing can beat the winter in your voice..

as i turn away from your doorstep, the cold air of indifference stays with me, directing me slowly and steadily towards a different frame..
...a canvas full of pastel shades where i can feel the warmth of the sun shine over my shoulder...

with no excuse to give and no reason to rely on, i am feeling pushed--pushed away from one picture and pushed into another, ironically at the same time..by the same person..
with everything between us unsaid and undone, i know that soon enough the day will come when i too will choose to make peace with this change..

and for all it has cost us and for all it is worth, i can only hope that you and me are happy--atleast in the end!!

one tight slapppppp!

have you ever felt like slapping someone in the face--left right and centre??
i fought a strong urge to do so to a very irritating someone today..

times like these, how i wish i was invisible!! :(

afraid!

im not afraid of heights, im just afraid of the fall...
im not afraid of the turbulent waves, im just afraid of my capacity to resist them...
im not afraid of the silence, im just afraid of the void it keeps deepening...
im not afraid to trust, im just afraid of how irreparably damaged i would be if let down...
im not afraid to walk together, im just afraid you might disappear around the bend...
im not afraid to cry, im just afraid of the world laughing at my tears...
im not afraid to dream, im just afraid of having to wake up...
im not afraid to love, im just afraid of not being loved back...
im not afraid of darkness, im just afraid of what might be hiding...
im not afraid of confrontation, im just afraid of being misunderstood yet again...
im not afraid of hanging on, im just afraid of living a lie...
im not afraid of letting go, im just afraid of leaving a major part of me behind...

and so,
i stay away from heights...
i run away from signs of turbulence...
i try to befriend the silence...
i turn away from trust...
i attempt walking alone....
i strive to hide my tears...
i lock my dreams away...
i shield myself from love...
i dare not explore darkness...
i hesitate to confront...
i am reluctant to hang on...
i am unable to let go...

my fears might be misinterpreted but i admit i am afraid...and that still makes me a coward doesn't it??!!

cryptic thoughts #12

trying to hate the one you love is even more tougher than having to love the one you hate..

but sometimes life dares to demand such favours..probably because it knows that you are not equipped enough to slap it in the face and say no, however much you wish you could..

and i wonder--is misery the end result of a futile compromise or a bad choice??