end-year wishes...

cheers to a wonderful time this christmas, a very happy 2011 ahead and last but not the least, another whole new chance for us to get it right!! :)

the worst kinda hurt...

there is this old 19th century english saying "sticks and stones may break my bones..but words will never hurt me"
i have always wondered the scarcity of truth (for lack of a better word) in the above statement.

how many of us have been hurt by an unkind word said to us or about us?
im sure everyone at some point of time, have harboured this kind of hurt and truth be told, these are the wounds which we in reality hardly ever manage to forget.

physical injury may cause wounds which may take a long time to heal..but the void created by words hurled carelessly, might cause irreparable damage to emotions and hence to relationships and once the damage is done, no matter how much the attempt to fix it, the hurt will always remain.

the same with gossip--mere words exchanged to a third person about a particular second person who has perhaps taken you into confidence and shared something he/she considers sacrosanct or personal..
if only we would stop to think, even for just a minute, what we would feel if our secrets were leaked out in such a random careless fashion by a trusted someone!!
trust is the basis of all relationships..a few loose words, a few leaked secrets is all it takes to break that delicate bond which takes ages to build.

what is silence again, but a lack of words!!
ive seen relationships and frienships crumble to pieces due to lack of communication.
gone is the era when people used to relate love to understanding each other perfectly even in silence..
personally, i would be rather offended if im ignored or not spoken to..and the chances of me misinterpreting the silence as indifference or lack of chemistry is more.
it can be pretty killing---considering that the void it creates will eventually lead to the death of the relationship which thrive mainly on knowing and wanting to know each other more and more.
and hence, in that sense, i can never understand how two people who claim to care so much about each other have nothing to talk about, take comfort in each others silence..i guess those are just mere excuses for want of that extra space which usually is the outcome of fatigued interest.

in conclusion---words are a pretty dangerous weapon, more like a double edged sword---
just like they can reinforce and strengthen bonds, they can also cause damage when used in lack or excess..
just like they can heal a bruised spirit, they can also hurt when used wrongly or loosely.
just like they can they can communicate heartfelt emotions and create chemistry, they can also cause rifts and complicate the best of relations when misused.

and just like the right words may not be always remembered, the wrong ones may not be easily forgotten!!

rephrasing; "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can also hurt me"

so be careful with your words..even though they seem pretty harmless, you can never know who's heart they might be breaking!!

dreams

i often wonder about the stuff dreams are actually made of...
Are they a portrayal of our innermost desires--the ones that we label as sacrosanct and keep away from the outer world to a point where we learn to hide them even from ourselves?
or are they just remnants of an overactive imagination that is put to rest by the mundane life we live while we are awake?
half the times, i am not even able to recollect my dreams..and a majority of the other half, i am unable to interpret them...
i sometimes dream of places i have never visited in my life..sometimes, of people ive never seen..and yet , when i wake up, there is a feeling of familiarity asif made to go away from them with whom i am closely connected with---not just from a few hours of sleep but through ages of unspoken emotions churning within me..

yet everything lies in fragments which when i try to join, make a very complicated puzzle with a lot of missing pieces..
and i wonder---will i ever be able to complete that picture??
will i find those missing pieces in yet another dream??

sapnay toh sapnay...sapnon ka kya??!!

cryptic thoughts #24

sometimes life is all about taking that walk on the clouds even when the weather forecast predicts torrential rain...

men in my life...

I was asked to take up this tag by tinker bell which requires me to list out my crushes--be it from the past or the present.
and perhaps its about time i spilled the beans..so here goes, for all those who are aware and for those who are not---

Doogie Howser---my sole crush during school days..i literally worshipped him..needless to say he majorly influenced me academically in those gullible years, that it makes me wonder sometimes what profession i would have landed in, had i to fall in love with Vito Corleone instead..


Rick Castle--this, i believe was more of a 'crush at first sight' thingy...but i gotta admit i was quite a fan of the 'castle-beckett' chemistry..


John big--i think every girl who is a SATC fan definitely has had a crush on him..and im not different!
sigh! if only he was a little less confused!! but then again, nobodys's perfect :-|


SRK---well, i think im over him..cant deny the fact that i found him extremely cute during my college days..and then for a long time after, i kept defending him (for old times sake)..but i am no longer a sucker for the 'cute guy' image anymore.
sorry shahrukh, this woman has stepped out of her girly fairytale world...
neverthless, just for the records...



Chandler--- my crush from the good old "F.R.I.E.N.D.S" days---just another college crush



Elvis---err..i am not sure if i could call this just a crush...


Rick blaine---*swoons* I AM DEAD SURE THIS WAS IS LOVE!!!!!
i fell i love with him watching casablanca
sigh! sigh! sigh!


Dev Anand (from his films of yore ofcourse)--this could be a little biased since im a real sucker for music and he always got the best songs...but i still think that no other actor from his era could have enacted them with greater finesse..
yea a typical 'chocolate hero' but show me a woman who doesn't like a little sensitiveness (not to be confused with mush though) in a man :-|


cole turner--*speechless* (he sure knows how to 'charm' a woman..only a guy that handsome can afford to have an attitude like his..sigh!)


err..okies..time for a abrupt halt..yours truly needs to disconnect from these dream boats for a bit--more important things, waiting for her you see..*sports a lazy garfield grin*
so i guess that's all for now people!!

ahem! afterall some secrets aka crushes are best left undisclosed...innit?? *blush blush blush*

so curb your curiosity amigos...maybe another time..maybe another day!! ;)

till then, here's to cupid--

omnia causa fiunt...

he is moving into another frame,
and this time she wont stop him!!
she's had enough of the cold harsh night,
its time she walked into the light,
silent wishes have been packed up tight,
so this time she wont stop him!!

she's had enough of that silent glare,
of being thrown away without a care
dreams undreamt for they did not dare,
so this time she wont stop him!!

she's had enough of wounds unhealed,
of charges against her never being sealed,
of old issues which keep getting revealed,
so this time she wont stop him!!

they are heading towards a different shore,
to spread their wings and fly some more,
one can never say whats there in store,
but this time she wont stop him!!

and now that all is said and done,
its reached a stage of all or none,
their fate have played this evil pun,
so this time she wont stop him!!

he is moving into another frame,
and she's tired of playing this stupid game,
with neither apology nor reason to blame,
things would never be the same,
so this time she wont stop him!!

the lost highway...

she remembered those old times and smiled to herself...she missed all that!!
the fun...the friends...the zeal of youth...the passion...life on the fast track...
and today all she had were those memories to cherish...

it was asif it all happened just to dissapear...on a lost highway in the journey of life...and no matter how much she tried to search now, it was only the magic which remained and it still managed to create ripples in her heart...

those memories of youth...those moments...some captured in photographs...some in the heart...they always managed to get a smile on her face no matter how tough the going was...

and even after almost two decades, they felt fresh...asif they just happened yesterday...
they never travelled down that path again...somehow after that trip, they all split ways...it was their last trip as a gang...their last trip together...
the time of their lives they would never forget....

promises of keeping in touch faded with years...everyone got busy with their own lives...she moved to london...job prospects seemed more appealing there...
a few ocassional phonecalls , emails and visits were all that happened....but the friendship still remained...
the gang had split but in moments of solitude each remembered the times spent together as a team...

those times spent together during those good ol days had now turned into a collage of memories down the lost highway in the journey of life...!
memories which would never fade...
memories which would just make the friendship stronger in their hearts...
memories which they would cherish for life wherever they were...

"hi guys...
missing you'll too much...im coming back...this time for good....how about we all catch up?...this time to never let go...
hoping to find our 'lost highway' again...just the way it once was....
lotsa love"


she clicked on the 'send' button and hoped the gang still accessed their emails as frequently as they used to...

to R...

you made me want to fall in love with myself when i had almost started hating me...
when friends and family started pointing out my flaws and i simply pretended to put on a brave face and fight back, you were the only one to realise that i was crumbling behind that tough exterior.

you stood by my side and made me understand, when it felt like nobody understood..all the time, making sure that you did not say anything which would hurt me further since you knew i already was at my vulnerable best..
there were times when i wanted you to stay away just like the rest of the world..i snapped at you because i was afraid---afraid that you would turn out to be like them, the ones who lost out on patience in the end and turned their back on me when i needed them the most..who kept digging at my flaws deepening the void i was already feeling inside...

but you understood..and stuck around..continued being the perfect friend--never wearing out on patience--building up my badly shaken confidence with your motivating and encouraging words..
these last two months have made me realise in bits and pieces, that sometimes we are so desperately trying to hold onto some dying relations, that we forget to notice the lasting unconditional friendships that have always been by our side..

and while joining the pieces of the puzzle today, i discover this deep sense of respect and pride for you and our decade long friendship, which is only growing with each coming day.

its true that i cannot give you my heart..but a piece of my soul now belongs to you and i promise i am never asking it back!! :)

thanks for teaching me to fly despite my broken wings...