Recently there were some jabs directed towards me subtly hinting at the 'enigma' status i have been designated, by some highly esteemed writers around here.
There was this one comment which particularly stayed with me for a long time, more so since it was coming from someone i had not really expected from.
"where is it that you wear a mask? on the blog or outside it?"
Frankly i do not like explaining myself to others.I have always felt that you need to explain something only when you think the other person is not smart enough to figure it out on his/her own.
but anyhoo, for the good of mankind and for the future of the planet which i see dying a little everyday out of curiosity, i will oblige!! *opens her self-research material*
well, those of you who follow my blog regularly will know me as quite the stuck up fool who thrives mainly on nostalgia and sentiments.
Those who have personally met me outside the blog world will claim that i am too much of a fun loving enthusiast to ever take life seriously.
The confusion however arises when someone who knows me from outside the blog suddenly discovers my blog link and decides to give it a read.
It is for this very reason, that some of my closest friends and kin refrain from reading 'nostalgic moments'--that in their opinion, is their way of avoiding confusion as, in the words of a very wise friend, "ignorance is bliss"
these are the kind of shameless people who deprive me of my share of attention (by not following my blog) & prefer to stick to the picture they have built of me, rather than cloud it with unnecessary interference from something which could very well be written off as a piece of 'fiction' or claimed to be so (im not complaining though--in a way, i like the way they think *grin* )
"how can YOU write such emotional stuff?" is a question i have often been probed on by some of my real-life (for lack of a suitable word) friends.
Another one i encounter a lot many times is the famous "whoaa!! are you the same pri who writes 'nostalgic moments'" (this is usually after a few days of interaction with fellow bloggers--which does make me wonder at times, what kind of chronically depressed (read 'meenakumari') personality my blog might be projecting)
So today i have decided to unravel the MYSTERY and let you in on a little secret---the secret of
doctor 'pri' and miss 'hide' *drumrolls in the background*
Ardent admirers of Linda Goodman have jumped with rapturous ecstasy muttering "hail linda" amidst muffled smirks, after getting to know i come from the 'gemini woman' astro clan.
There was a point wherein i too had almost started believing everything she said, until one day i read of the infidile and manipulative tendency she claimed gemini women to show..So being a staunch loyalist and one with a intact value system at that, the book went flying straight into the dustbin and linda was shown the middle finger.
Anyhoo, there are certain things which are rather true of a gemini (only all the good things she has to say..ahem!) which was what stopped yours truly from making an effigy of goodman and burning it down.
oops sorry, lets not digress..where were we?
oh yes, the story of "doctor pri and miss
hyde hide"
now, please do not be confused by the title bestowed since this "miss hide" (nope!! it is not a typo..i mean HIDE when i write hide) is nothing like the much infamous "mister hyde" we all have read about.
In fact she is pretty much the contrary and that is where her flaws start..sigh!
'Miss hide' is someone who seeks solace in hiding from everything (yea..i know, pretty self explanatory..doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure).
she is pretty much what they would call an 'escapist'.
Give her a situation she cant handle and she would slip into her shell, open up her diary and do what she does best--scribble furiously.
'doctor pri' on the other hand, is the strong headed woman who makes her grand and esteemed appearance usually while lecturing others.She is the agony aunt to all her friends, the one whose advice they seek..the one with the strong belief system and self respect large enough that it is sometimes mistaken for ego.
She sometimes writes on 'nostalgic moments' too (like she agreed to do today)..but its 'miss hide' that requires the space as a venting board, most.
however it has been noticed that dr pri is the one who roams all over facebook and blogsville posting in strong headed comments telling people to move on, not brood over the past..yada yada..yada..
yea i know what you guys must be thinking--why doesn't dr pri advice miss hide then, isn't it?
well, well, ofcourse she does..she lectures miss hide for long hours after which miss hide seems all empowered and strong enough to slay a dragon--but in just a few hours, the miserable wretch that she is, suffers a relapse and gets back to her usual demure self again.
humour?? ahhh!! humour is dr pri's sharpest weapon...she knows how to use the lethal comination of sarcasm and wit which helps her win many a debates/arguments.
but bring her face to face with a loved one, and she is rudely shoved aside by our miss hide who remains tongue tied and lost, silently weeping like a depressed cow long after the war is over, while dr pri gags at the sight.
neverthless, both of them have to work in coordination--thats how the rule goes..miss hide cant make an entry while dr pri is talking and the same holds true the other way around.
there are some occasions where dr pri refuses to budge, inspite of being pushed violently by miss hide..she stands firm and lashes out fire even with a loved one as opponent.
but alas!! more often than not, the drama queen that miss hide is, makes dr pri pay for it hours after the spite is over--she cries, she weeps, she cribs, she rants, she writes, she blogs like a crazy maniac..and much to dr pri's embarassment, she finds herself left helpless and with a heavy head, all thanks to her idiotic alter's antics.
ohh wait..miss hide isn't all that bad though..she's just more of a coward unlike the brave dr pri, her alter ego is.
miss hide flees away from emotions which dr pri keeps trying to understand and reason with..
miss hide is terrified of love while the dreamer that dr pri is promises never to give up on her
unrealistic (written by miss hide & cancelled by dr pri) ideals.
miss hide constantly fears expectations and their consequences while dr pri is not afraid to face them.
miss hide is often found building walls around herself which dr pri is busy toppling over.
miss hide is the one who is running away from addictions from fear of dependency, while dr pri strives to overcome them.
(In fact, it is miss hide who keeps deactivating facebook/email accounts and dr pri, who convinces her to return from the short spells of hibernation..sigh!)
At times, miss hide is found sulking all day, sulking over the past, sulking over decisions she cant change, sulking over the 'why's and 'if only's..sulking..sulking..sulking.
That is when dr pri decides to take things in her hands, goes up to miss hide and gifts her one tight slap, succeeding in getting her right back to her senses.
Dr pri is often found rolling her eyes at the entries miss hide posts.
she hates it when people feigh concern and believes in sorting out her issues all by herself.
miss hide on the other hand loves to be pampered..
She, most often than not, misses to notice the thin line between fake pleasantries and genuine concern.
She often wears her heart on her sleeve, is easily upset with words just as easily as she falls in love with them, is sensitive to the mood
swings of the ones she loves and had it not been for her alter ego (dr pri), would have had to be institutionalised for therapy by now.
Dr pri has seen a lot in life..she is observant..she is perceptive..she is practical and she understands.
She is not searching for a shoulder to cry on, gets easily tired with people who sulk all the time, think that they should grow up..lives for the present and has a firm grip on her reality and yet has always fought it, her own way.
She knows that there is good just as there is evil in every in the world and has made peace with that.
Miss hide knows that too but she thinks she would be able to change the evil..and when she realises she cant, she goes away..shies off..hides herself clinging onto a sense of failure..until her alter decides to take things in her hands and drags her out of the phase, making her understand that she has to value herself first to be valued by others.
It doesn't help for too long though.miss hide see's what she wants to..she is emotional and sensitive..thinks with her heart..and is disappointed easily.
She is a kid in denial who keeps hiding from any sort of conflict, who gives up almost always a little too soon, who worries about the future--a little too much, is terrified of emotions-yet surrenders to them and keeps running from reality in a futile attempt to hide from it.
The differences between them do not stop here though..dr pri and miss hide are pretty different on a more superficial level too.
miss hide loves to dress up in traditional attire, has a penchant for trinkets and jewellery..she usually seizes the chance to dress up for occasions, to wear makeup..she hates it if one strand of hair is out of place or if she gains an ounce of extra weight--not that she'd do much to change it..but ofcourse she would SULK!!
She also loves receiving compliments--almost addicted to them.She'd get all conscious if noone complimented her.she would get conscious if people over complimented her too, but that is a altogether different story..lol!!
dr pri on the other hand, lives in a pair of jeans and a tee most of the times..she prefers living like a gypsy and thinks that she sets the trend.
She hates early morning showers, doesn't see the logic in cleaning up her wardrobe, will be found sporting a just-woken-up look with curls of hair falling all over her face and when caught, she would just pass it off as the latest style and even concoct a name & story to justify it.
Compliments dont affect her just as much as criticism doesn't.She is much too deep to be affected with superficial charm & believes that true beauty is skin deep.
However she has mastered the art of disappearing and pushing the more socially acceptable miss hide forward, as and when the situation and company demands her.
Smart that she is, she claims that she would never want to be caught dead looking inappropriate except in her nightmares, but those who know her well would know that she wouldn't really mind going to her own wedding in a pair of denims and a not-so-ironed kurti.
She is weird like that but at complete ease with her weirdness.
So while miss hide with all her selfcooked & unaccepted flaws manages to scarcely like herself, dr pri brags about being 'perfection personified' and considers her own self as her most favorite person.
so now you see how it all makes sense?
ahem!! what about me you ask? Im pretty comfortable being them both.i fact i think my life wouldn't feel normal had one to go missing.
some might attribute it to my gemini star sign while some might say im just confused about what i really want in life..
well, what can i say but----
voices in my head...
alters in my soul...
some days are blue,
some days rock n roll!!
;D~~~~;D~~~~;D~~~~;D~~~~;D~~~~;D~~~~;D~~~~;D~~~~
err..some might think im pretty schizophrenic to write this, and miss the whole point of the post.
What-e-ver!!
as long as your confusion is sorted, people..as long as your confusion is sorted ;-))
As a parting note, all i can suggest is to try searching for your 'psychological alters' too..and accept them both.
They help strike a balance in life..and keep you feeling human. *smiles*
so here's to peace and self improvement,
cheers!!
