December 26, 2011

Turn offs list #3---"there's something about facebook"

A friend who knows about my Facebook addiction a bit too well suggested that I write about the annoying aspects of the social network.

Now for those who do not know of this 'Turnoffs' series on 'Nostalgic Moments' , allow me to explain. Sometimes when we feel extremely important and haughty, we like to believe we are the Queen of May whom the world is trying extremely hard to please (for reasons unknown to anyone on the planet). It is times like these that we let our imagination run a little wilder and also complain and crib and nitpick about the things that put us off, all the while suffering from delusions of grandeur that there are millions of people out there reading us and treading on the path of self improvement while silently blessing us day in and out for our favor on mankind/woman kind alike.
Also when we have these bouts of excessive self confidence, we start addressing ourselves as 'We'. Sometimes we think it might be our borderline schizoid personality at work, but our personal shrink has disposed it off as just a case of attention deficit.
Of course we yelled out "Off with his head" to an invisible guard in an attempt to express our disappointment at his peasant like diagnosis, but he just proceeded to ignore and say that we are beginning to lack creativity and stealing lines from Lewis Caroll, thus bringing us falling from the throne, crown et al...sigh!

So after that little rant of madness we had up there, let us proceed with the point of the post (if there is any in the first place..or is there?)
Ahhh..yes, Facebook it is then!
*braces herself and counts one to ten*

Please don't get me wrong..though I'm quite often found to haunt Facebook much like the famous 'Betaal' was known to haunt the infamous Peepal tree, the truth is that nobody ever asked him what about the tree he did not approve..maybe a sofa here, a little clearing of extra leaves, a little chopping down some branches, a rosewood coffee table there..err! (you get the drift?)

So when I was asked what I would like to change about Facebook, I had just one thing to say (Yes, we are totally non-fussy like that)---"FACEBOOKERS"
Let me explain in point form what I find irritating about some Facebookers, so that you busy creatures who hardly frequent my blog nowadays and have accidently dropped by, sit up straight. Please know this is serious stuff and take notice.

1) Improper use of the 'like' option---Someone is burning with fever...someone has lost his car keys...someone just had a breakup and decided to update their status about it.
Facebook is their way of getting over it perhaps---GOOD!
You are not commenting nor asking them how it happened---BAD!
You are instead 'like'ing their status message---FUGLY!

2) Pics with self-distorted facial expressions---No! I'm not talking of bad photography skills or poor quality cams. I am talking about those 'I-am-so-kewl-I-dont-give-a-rats-arse-YO' wannabe's who deliberately put up a weird pic to show that they do not give a damn.
I often wonder if they have ever considered the possibility of people like me who believe that they actually put those up because they know they cant look better and want the world to think that they can....hmmmm.

So the next time you put up a pic with squinted eyeballs with a tongue sticking out on one side and a hairstyle which could give Einstein's fashion sense a run for his money, please continue---I YUM DIAGNOSING YOU!!! (with my shrink in tow)
On the flip side, portfolio pics have their own letdowns to offer. Such formal behavior scares us, you know. *goes and hides under the bed*

3) Food on Facebook---If it is something you have whipped up or a festive spread then that definitely is something you can be proud of.
But going to a restaurant and clicking pics of food and wine does not deserve any credit.In face in my opinion, going to a restaurant and clicking pics itself is a little strange. (Your family is going to thank me for this tip, trust me. I am saving them some major embarrassment.)
Of course updating them on Facebook (to top it, some do that with messy plates, half eaten stuff around...Sheesh!) is a total different blasphemy altogether.

The polite way (just in case it is actually so important to you) would be to do a photo session after a good meal-that way everyone would be in a great mood as well (depending on the company that you are of course) and you would be saved from the burning glares of the waiters who cant help wishing you make up your mind over the damn menu, gobble the chow and race back home, instead of delaying them over your petty Facebook pic issues.
Of course you'd never notice that---because their rage and pent up frustration would be cleverly masked behind the wide molar to molar smile as they would politely offer to click a pic (and get over with it).
After all, you can never tell if they spat in the fresh basil pesto you ordered...the smile would remain right till you leave the place.

That was me digressing--but you would never be offered that pearl of wisdom if it wasn't for that. *glows with pride*

As for food pics on Facebook, I think it's no big why act like you are someone coming straight from Somalia, new to those morsels of food all ecstatic over seeing it?
(pretty much like those tourists who click pics of cows on Indian roads)
but then again, it is sometimes fun to see someone fussing over things like that.but I wouldn't be caught dead being that someone.

This is what is done to those poor tortured souls who keep miles away from 'matrimonial aunties' and web based marriage services.Some distant relative or over enthusiastic kin is bound to direct people to the Facebook account of Ms/Mr Whosoever, and in will come emails requesting details and stuff.
I frankly fail to understand how much one can gather from a profile pic and a few lines written as bio data for a social network? I guess, society like God works in weird ways.
A still bigger turn off is the aunty-uncle clan who are on Facebook, mainly for the purpose of matchmaking.With no better thing to do, they befriend you---a harmless unsuspecting victim and then slowly but surely subject you to the torture of the apparently quintessential hypocritical 'saat-phere-saat-janam' concept they have in mind.

The best way to avoid these kinda friend requests is to put up the most ambiguous profile pics ever---better still would be pictures of a deserted beach or an eerie mountain place...or a cold winter (the more isolated the place, the better it is). You could alternate it with pictures of clumsy looking overweight toons like Winnie the Pooh, Garfield or a confused genius like Calvin---a sure shot to keep them away from your profile by implanting the seed of doubt that you are either too kiddish or too crazy for a compromised situation like an arranged marriage.

There you go---yours truly has a quick fix to it all! Tadaa!! (You are welcome)

5) Supposed-to-be-friends who play 'dead'
You keep thinking that the so called friend is extinct on social networks until you notice that he/she is commenting and scribbling on all other walls except yours.
Well, the same goes for unanswered wishes, greetings, text messages and emails---if I don't receive a reply, it's quite likely that you will never hear from me again.Not even the thought of you being run over by a bus or your Facebook account being magically hacked will surface to mind--no not even for a second.

I believe in giving explanations to people who matter and I need them as well...that is just who I  am...not even me can change that.

6) The 'Check out the rich me' attitude
Subtlety is an art, I say!
now maybe you can click a pic focusing on the bright red rose you are gifting your girlfriend while a hazy Lamborghini stays parked waiting for you two to get in---you get the drift?
your friends on Facebook are not visually impaired..they will notice the Lamborghini.but the trick is you are not shoving it in their face (which by the way my friend is very 'loser-ish' and a big turn off as opposed to the former tactful charm).
What happens in the former case is that you present an illusion---an illusion that the rose and the girl matters more than the Lamborghini. It's a different thing that you would rather get married to the latter if asked to choose, but at least your initial impression wouldn't be a let down and people (read 'me') won't think of you as an ass!

and with that, we rest our case...

7) Why doll up dolls?
One of my friends has this absolutely adorable 2 year old who she dolls up with loads of makeup.When i first saw her pics on Facebook, I was aghast. Each and every pic had a little bit of blush, lipstick, eye shadow, glitter and kohl.
Totally flummoxed, I called her up and asked her if she had used some Photoshop application on the pics, to which she laughed and said it was makeup she was using.
2 years old and makeup??? I screached into the phone..and she told me that she had entered her baby in a kiddo beauty pagent which had first started the obsession and then she had started finding it so extremely cute that she would doll her up every now and then.
she further told me not to take it so seriously and check out how many 'like's the pic had got.
The pic had a whooping number of 312 likes and 150 comments..most comments read out "Wowww" , "awesome" ," she's a total fashionista", "miss India" and the likes.not one had mentioned that she shouldn't have dolled up her baby like that.

I feebly clicked the 'like' option (out of fear that she did not take my lecturing the wrong way) and mentioned that she looked like an angel even without the makeup. It made me feel like a hypocrite 'like'ing something that was a total let down.

Kids are best when they are treated as kids.
We don't need kid-ults---let their innocence thrive!

8) Excessive pleasantries
You bitch behind my back---FUGLY!
You are still there on my Facebook friend list though we hardly comment, like or acknowledge each other---FUGLIER!
You *mwwwaah*, *kucchus*, *hugggggg* me and i almost die out of shock every single time---FUGLIEST!
Seriously, why this kolaveri di!!! :-|

To sum it up, there are days...there are people...and there are days with people on social networking sites.
Like every other things in life, Facebook too has its own set of 'good, bad and fugly' and like always we concentrate mostly on the blot on the canvas.(c'mon guys, this is the 'turn offs series'..what do you expect?)
You do know that everything I write should be taken in tequila style anyway---with a dash of salt, a slice of lime and all in one shot ;)

All in all, I sheepishly confess that despite all its flaws, I still am very much a fan of Facebook.


December 15, 2011

The treadmill called 'life'

It's funny how small day to day events can sometimes make you introspect about the deeper aspects of life. Well it's getting a little common with me nowadays though. Everything from non-laundered clothes to messy rooms have started showing signs of a deeper philosophy which prevents me from clearing or making any changes, lest the philosophy vanishes and I'm left with an ordinary, mediocre, non analytical bend mind---my explanation for what others might consider just an ultra lazy attitude of a chronic procrastinator.
err..its a different thing that not many buy my story..but nevertheless I'm sticking to it! *grins nervously*

Now without further digressing, let me narrate the life changing incident which brought about this sudden flash of brilliance.
*points to the halo of enlightenment on her head and goes into flashback mode*

Like any other bright and happy day, I was lazying around at home thinking of new ways of wasting time when I suddenly thought I should work out a little (with the festive season just around the corner, I would need to make space for the goodies I'm going to stuff myself with, or so I chided myself)
So with songs of yester years playing in my Ipod, I got lost in a sweet little dream world of my own when the tread mill I was working out on, suddenly came to a halt with a crazy (in-a-life-threatening-kinda-way) jolt!

As the whole world started reeling in front of my eyes, I somehow gained control of my self by clasping tightly onto the sidebars for dear life and stepped off it.phew!!!!!

Cursing the power failure that caused the sudden catastrophe, I tried to regain my normal composure--but in vain.
My heart rate felt like it was competing in a marathon..the color had drained off my face and in one small moment, I had experienced one of worst panic attacks of my life..

But then this incident left me pondering on it long after, and I couldn't help relating the whole episode to life.

Life too is somewhat like a treadmill isn't it?

---You keep running and running exhausting yourself out. But at the end, you realize you are right where you started-full circle!

---The point of all the exercise (read 'effort') is not that its going to lead you somewhere, but that it is going to change you into a more fit and healthier individual..

---Sometimes there can be a sudden power failure, and if you are not equipped with a crisis-management-auto-power-setup, it is most likely that you suffer a sudden jolt just like I did..sigh!
Likewise, life also has a few rude surprises along the way.the challenge lies in facing them and then leaving them behind and moving on.

---If you start speeding up too quickly, it will only end up tiring you faster. The same logic holds true when you are ending your session.

---Warming up before a treadmill session always betters your capacity.your body needs to have an idea what you are preparing it for.
In life, we are not always guaranteed warm-ups. But when we are, we should make it a point never to miss them..Hope for the best and prepare for the worst!

----Last but not the least, the most striking similarity. Life just like the treadmill, does not give immediate results. Hence, patience and perseverance is the key.

Being human, we always crave for fast results. We give up a little too early if our unrealistic goals are not reached. The tread mill is a constant reminder that it's a long life and we got to keep going even though it might often seem that we are not getting anywhere..

At the end of it all, we are here to enjoy the workout and feel good about ourselves.

cheers and keep smiling!!! :)

December 05, 2011

Ae kaash chalte milke---a tribute to a legend...

...and the whole nation is deeply mourning the loss of one of the most priceless gems of Indian Cinema...

"Dev Anand died in a hotel in London on 3 December 2011 (4 December 2011 by Indian time) of a cardiac arrest" the headlines revealed, breaking the hearts of millions of fans all over the world.

As I shuffled between the innumerable melodies saved in my favorite folder, I could not help but fondly remember the sweet and charming face of the legend who lisped them.

Those who know me would think that SRK is my favorite Bollywood star. But only those who know me really well would be able to tell you that it has always been this man---this man from an whole different era, much much older to the one I'm living in, but nevertheless being able to make my heart skip a beat on watching him on the silver screen in his prime days...this man who with his silk smooth acting skills and charismatic attitude not just managed to be the heart throb of the 60s but also earn the respect of millions of fans all over with his never-say-die spirit and enthusiasm.

Dev Anand was and will always remain an inseparable part of Indian cinema. His passion for cinema and enthusiasm for life is indeed commendable. His exemplary performance in movies 'Guide', 'Johny mera naam', 'teen deviyaan', 'Jewel thief', 'heera panna', 'hare rama hare krishna' are unforgetable---this acting genius was someone who could move you to tears and light up passion with equal intensity.
His unique style allowed him to carry off the most bizarre of fashions (which included the 'scarf and hat' look of the 60's) with so much panache that it stuck on to his image and even now is fondly imitated by people paying tributes.

I had the opportunity to meet this man for a film festival a couple of years back.
What I saw in him was a very humble personality, soft spoken and down to earth, taking the time to exchange a word or two with each of his fans gathered there.

"Jo Mil Gaya Usi Ko Muqaddar Samajh Liya
Jo Kho Gaya Maein Usko Bhulata Chala Gaya"

As people flocked to get his his autobiography autographed, I stood at a corner quietly looking at his face...wrinkled, old, tired and yet somehow there still was an unsettling calm about it---the calm that comes not with awards and accolades but with the satisfaction of having led a life he was proud of.
On being addressed as the 'evergreen' Dev Saab by someone from the audience, he crinkled up his eyes and laughed.

When an interviewer asked him the percentage of honesty in his autobiography, he immediately answered with "It was tough. But before writing it, I had promised myself I would be 100% honest".
It was right then that I wanted to believe that man, with the charming smile, with the strange calm, with the soothing voice...the man who I had traveled back in time and fallen in love with.
On reaching home, I picked up 'Romancing with life' from my library, a book which I had put down to read another day, mainly because I always ended up YouTubing my collection of 'Dev Anand' songs instead. (Yea, you don't just listen to Dev Anand songs, you YouTube them!)

"Dhup thi nasib mein, to dhup men liya hai dam
Chandani mili to hum, chandani mein so liye"

But I had decided to know more about this man, and so I read into the journey of his life.
Written in a wonderfully honest and interestingly soulful way, I could then understand the reason for the satisfaction on his face---this man kept no secrets!

From then on, my respect and admiration for him grew much more.
I would google interviews just to hear him speak about the simple complexities of life.
His song "main zindagi ka saath" will always remain my all time favorite, the others being haunting melodies---like "hai sabse madhur woh geet", "kabhi khud pe kabhi haalat pe", "jeevan ke safar mein", romantic tunes---like "abhi na jaao", "phoolon ke rang se", "chhoodi nahi mera", "yeh raat yeh chand", "accha jee main haari" and countless other tracks.

Even though I personally admire his acting qualities much more than his directorial abilities, I cannot help but admire this one man who ventured without the fear of getting lost...who stumbled but never fell...who kept on going his way no matter what others said...who lived as per his own terms.
A legend who romanced with life and loved it to the fullest.

"ae kaash chalte milke,
ye teen raahi dil ke,
chand aur main aur tu"

So let us travel back in time and express our fond admiration for this superstar who will stay 'evergreen' in our nostalgic moments for ever

We will miss you, Dev Saab...