August 29, 2006

and life goes on!!

Once again, i find myself at the crossroads of life!!
Why doesent life cease to confuse me even though ive given up on it??
Why does it still come up with new surprises and makes them even more obvious exactly when im tryin to ignore thm??
Why does it put forward choices wch i dont feel like making anymore n yet dont feel like losing??
True! life gets all the more complex wth each coming day n the confusions never cease...
Sometimes i wonder, rnt we even given the right to make the smallest decisions of our lives?? nothin seems to be in our hands, in our control...yet we often like to believe we can do something about it...
A simple arguement brought about many a realisations today...a simple conversation made me think a lot about the way i am wth the people around me...maybe all im doing is neglecting those who caree soo much for those who dont at all...those were the exact words n they stung!! stung bad! ...
because somewhr i knew they might be true!
Asif things werent enough, i was lectured on how i hav this superinferiority complex tht makes me feel tht i cant deserve any good and how i doubt life whn it brings pleasant surprises along...yeah right!!Next il'l be told im crazy n ahud be admitted in some asylum...hmph!
Life these days is all about i shud get rid of my trust issues , how i should believe in love,.perhaps also..easter bunny .tooth fairy..n santaclaus too...(no?? err i thought the rest wud follow!!)
And thn if ive changed soo much, why do i still care? why does it still hurt to see a close friend goin away? why does it still sting when someone proposes to me n i hav to say tht i probably cant tk it more than a good friendship??why is thr still a probably?? why do i still get misty eyed when i watch those "ultra corny" movies wch always manage to hav a happy ending??why dont i no longer believe in happy endings??? why has my faith in "good things happen to good ppl" dwindled soo much??

Why does it hit when my family says ive changed?? why dont i hav anything to say when ppl ask me for explanations, reasons and advice...even though i did hate it soo much myself once upon a time?? why do i go back to being the old pri,vulnerable, naive,ultrasensitive sometimes n thn have to remind myself tht im not the same anymore n tht ive changed???
AND thn yet again, why do i still wonder bout life...

juss goin with the flow, takin each day as it comes...
juss hopin i dont get swept away too far...:)

August 28, 2006

Best time of the year :)

The loud noise of firecrackers, blaring of loudspeakers, the beating of dhols, the singin of aartis n yet no frowning neighbours,no complaining grownups ---yep folks, afterall its ganesh chathurthi!!:)

welcomin ganpatiji into the house,
the gettin together n singin aartis,
girls puttin mehendi on their hands,
the competing for who'll sing the most aartis wthout lookin in the book even once,
the shopping for new clothes,
the "lets see how many modaks u can polish off" record;),
girls in pretty sarees or formal attire and guys in formal kurtas all lookin their traditional best,
goin to see atleast 5 sarvajanik ganpati on the last day,
remindin ppl not to see the moon n keeping a count of how many actually do so juss cos they happened to be *the case of the forbidden fruit*;p
the taking care not to see it urself :(
the putting up of the "matoli" (for ppl who dont know wht tht means, its a part of the ritual for decorating the specified space above the idol wth a variety of explain the exact thing on here...still want to know?? come over ;p),
the waiting for the "panchkhadya" n eating it more as lunch than as "prasad"...;p,
the "trying to help mom" attempt n getting kicked out of the kitchen cos u r eating more than wht u r helping make...heehee,
but thn, as usual time flies exactly whn u dont want it to...n before u know it,its visarjan time...:(
I still remember weeping during visarjan whn i was a kid...those days it was more of all the fun comin to an end than missing ganpatibappa not being im highly amused whn my kiddo cousins do the same!!!
But then i try explainin to thm the very same thing my mom used to explain to me as a kid ,tht "ganpatiji has other people in othr worlds to take care of n he has to visit them no matter even though he is goin back home, he will still be watching us and taking care of us" *smiles*
Tht used to make me smile thn but after a while, i used to torture my mom wth questions like "why cant he tk care of them stayin here at our place" and "dosent he like the food here or MEE??" tht i think of it,i was quite a brat!! ;p n i wonder if tht "fishing for compliments" is congenital!!!
But kids nowadays hav a lot more to ask n their questions never do manage cookin up stories like "he will visit in a day or two" but dont think they fall for it sigh! cos the bawling dosent stop...tsk tsk, makes me love myself even more after lookin at these!! r u reading?? ;p never gave u such tantrums did i?? always simmered down after one or two modaks ;)n thn again did really believe in tht theory of urs...
err ..., i still do *smiles*

so ending this post wth lots of sweet wishes for a bright, happy and lucky future...





August 24, 2006


Ive been tagged...(for reasons unknown, ive been told not to disclose the identity of the blogger who's tagged me :) shhh...some ppl want their blogs to remain a secret , cant wonder why cos i aint too far behind)
Anyways since i dint have anything better to do, i thought mite as well giv it a here goes :

its called the "I DUNNO WHT TO CALL IT" tag...heehee

1) I am thinking about
mmm...u dont deserve to know!!! ;p

2) I said
"sorry" but am feeling real bad about it.hmph! wasent my fault *all defensive*

3)I want to
just run away from the place and state im in right now ...sigh!giving "HAWAI" a thought...
I also want to go bungee jumping frm a height of over a thousand feet *obviously wth my eyes closed*

4) I wish
u wud just go away n stop being curious about stupid questions, the answers to which u cant do anything about...

5)I miss
old times...dosent the title of my blog give u a hint???
besides tht i miss my school friends, the getting drenched in the rains and sitting with the AC blast on, the cutting chai n samosas wch were a famous speciality at the dhaba of our HSSC yrs, the friends ive lost along the way---some for reasons known n some unknown :), the funtimes wth cousins during ganesh chaturthi ,the teenage innocence n gullibility ....well the list is a long one, lets not get further into it...this "tag" is supposed to make me feel better isnt it??? *raises an eyebrow*

5)I hear
a lotta people complaining , whining and cribbing er..about pri *blush* ;p

6)I wonder
have stopped wondering...

7)I need
my pc, my friends........................................................................hmm can i tell u what i dont need instead???

8)I regret
regretting something would only make things lose their value n afterall life is never about regrets...n if u live it right (wch is again a subjective thing),u dont need to have any ...:)

9)I dance

sorry ppl, but i have two left feet n thn again lose my inhibitions only amongst close friends (n thn i dance like a farmished cannible) u wont normally see pri dancing away to music ;p

10) I cry
gawd!! do i HAVE to answer tht??? *embarressed*
i cry like a baby who's candy has juss been snatched ...heehee...thts whn i want everyone to know im howling err crying i mean :P
At other times---*chooses not to answer tht* :)

11)Im not always
purrfecct!! but almost always ;p

12)I make wth my hands
huh!! whts tht supposed to mean???

13)I write
in a futile attempt to get over life
for fun *sometimes*
because i lovvvveeee to write---period! :!

14)I confuse
myself (most of the times)

15) I should try
not to make impulsive desicions
to stop being as vulnerable
to start acting my age---im usually acting "extremes" nowadays ...*sigh*

16)I should finish
this tag real fast (even if it means tht i hav to write crap.heehee)cos...its beginnin to bore me!!

17) I know
tht u guys must hav pretty much fallen asleep by now

18) I am
er...wht i am...n dont think tht can change even if u want me to ...

19)and finally
i hav finished off with this...yaayyyn hopefully ull have survived it ...

20)I tag
whoever wants to be tagged

August 14, 2006

"KANK"---wht was that???

sheesh! wht a waste of good time and money!!!
My friends and me went for the first day first show of "KANK" n ive got juss one word for the movie ---DISASTER!
Wonder wht the hype was all about!
me being a ardent "SRK" fan was all super exited to go for it more than 2 weeks in advance...n thn wht does he do?? let me down big time..hmph!
I remember havin those pre "KANK" long discussions bout how the movie wud be and after reading the huge expectations karan and amitabh had managed to create in their interviews , we were almost certain tht "SRK" and "rani" wud set the screen on fire once again!! LIARS! :( yep surely the screen wud be set on fire ...but probably by the angry audience who were thoroughly let down by a stupid story n senseless acting! hmph...
The only good thing bout "KANK" are the songs...they r beautiful n thts one of the reasons i had my expectations high...but even they were put all in the wrong places...the beautiful title song was all spoilt by makin it a "first meet" song...sheesh...(who the hell says "kabhi alvida na kehna" to a stranger u juss come across...not me), mitwa was good n thankgod atleast it dint pop up at a funeral or sumthin...hmph!

but thn overall it seemed tht KJ juss wanted to push those wonderful songs in between some crappy scenes n dint know wht he was doin...either he dint get it right or i dint...*snigger*AB has played his part well and for the first time junior AB has won my heart over SRK :)...thr sure were a coupla good shots but thn we expect sumthin better than tht frm such a bigbanner multistarer film isnt it??? *sigh*
The response was outrageous...yeah , nobvody liked it *snigger* (outrageously disgusting) n now i know why sanjay dutt said tht the movie mite lead even the best of couples to think bout their marriages n go for a!!
Peopple had already started walkin out even before the movie ended...but me a hopeless "SRK" fan still clung on to the hope tht IT (the storyn his crappy acting) wud actually get better in the last 5 minutes atleast...hmph!! but i was greatly dissapointed...
we went home wth a light pocket, a pissed off mood and an invisible "anti karanjohar" banner on our head instead of the halo i normally hav there...esp while watchin a KJ flick...

but wht the hell! atleast the popcorn was good
*uh oh...apun ke andar ka optimist jaag utha* :D

PS: those who r planning on goin for the movie,please sell ur tickets unless u guys get the news tht a tsunami is coming and the only safe place is a multiplex...better still , stay at the snack bar...its better than the 3hours of crap ...even the "bubblegum wrapup" couldent save the film...eyuckkk!!!

August 06, 2006


Wht the hell is wrong with me??? i wake up in the mornin, stretch lazily n scurry to my pc to check my mail...once thts done, come on to blogspot, try to put across some random thoughts which seem to be creatin havoc in my mind...failing miserably at it , i manage to type down some things wch dont make sense to either any of u or to me...yet i choose not to delete the post, wondering if u guys will take my insanity for philosophy...thn realising how pathetic my wishful thinkin is, i go back to my room...
"beep beep" goes my mobile asi look at the screen lazily, i see a notice sayin "2 new msges" being a lazzzy sunday ,i stretch again deciding whether i should juss put it away for later or make tht extra effort n press the small lil button wch says "open"...*yeah yeah, dont stare at me...i know im lazzyyy ...yawn*
ok so i did finally make tht extra effort which led me to hate myself for the next 10 minutes (sigh! i cant even hate myself for long )
dang! today was the 6th of august, n i hadent even realised , had juss blogged bout some crap which was not even remotely related to friendship...wht the hell!! hav i changed soo much...
OK ok so ul'l must be wonderin wht the big fuss is all about...but it is to me...this day has a great deal of significance in my life n i dont think ive ever forgotten it the last soo many yrs...n today 6th august 2006, i broke my record of the past ...sheesh!!!
Thn as usual, i went guilttripping...why was M remindin me tht it was the 5th yest...hav i unintentionally proved all my friends right inspite og going in denial mode everytime they said ive changed , tht i dont value their friendship as before...
GOD!! ofcourse not, now im exaggerating (i hope)...well i did go on a "happy friendship day" msging spree after tht...n yeah did feel a lil guilty whn 4 of my friends replied saying "wish u the same...thanks for remembering"...sheesh!! they dont spare me even on friendship day do they...thanks for the friendly sarcasm guys, juss remember tht i can do without it next time..hmph!
Anyways this post would hav been a really sweet post bout how friendships are the most essential element of life, n how i cant do without my friends :)
it wud hav been about all the things i soo very much cherish, all the friendships wch hav such a important place in my life , in making me the person i am today (good , bad or ugly ...heehee...ok ok juss kiddin ;p)
but thn i guess , ive spoilt the very mood by forgetting about it n i dont think i can undo that by writing a post, would be superficial n i would be the first one(and mebe the only one) to feel juss being true to myself (*grin* dont look at me like tht...its not an excuse, im not tht lazzzyyy *scowl*)
But il'l tk this as an oppurtunity to thank all the lovely people who hav made a big difference in my life though some of you mite be hardly aware of it :)
Pri values all her friends tht are or hav been a part of her n she never will forget them come wht for those who are no longer with me,it might be that
we may not speak for a day, for a month, for a year or maybe never get the chance to speak again in this lifetime...but the times we hav shared will always remain with me...the memories of friendship will forever be etched in this heart which has come across as rock to some and gold to others *smiles*
In life, we meet some strangers n thn we get to know thm a lil better...but its only a few tht we call as friends...
we promise never to go away, to always be there for each other...some live upto their promises, some juss break them n never turn back while a few life offers to break...and all we are left behind are those nostalgic moments...*smiles*
Whtever be the situation, a friend can never be forgotten even if it looks otherwise...:)
So learn to value the friendships in your life...and try never to hurt the heart of a friend ...cos as the old sayin goes "friendship is like china ware, costly rich and rare, once broken can be mended, but the crack is always there"

n this goes out to all my friends who im yet to meet ...
*** be my friend only if you are here to stay,
or else go back n come another day...
You can say "hi", or "hello" or ask me if im fine,
but dont call urself a friend, unless you are mine***

hmmm am i possesive??? ;p
Anyways have a rocking friendship's day and keep making is long and i definitely need friends along the count me in!!

once again! hav a rocking day

What is "truth" exactly??is it what we hear or is it what we like to believe?
Sometimes we know we are being fooled , yet somewhere we wish it to be the truth...n thn the heart just refuses to listen to our mind...
sometimes we know what we are in for, yet we dare to take tht extra step, go that extra mile knowing tht we maybe crushed along the way...
Ever wondered how the situation changes when we hav to face it...its really amazing but it gets a whole new perspective when we are involved than when someone who wants our advice is...why so???Guess thts the fallacy of being "emotional homosapiens" who supposedly are supposed to be far luckier than the so called "inferior species" because er..they hav a mind of their own...
but then again, are we really lucky?? or does it just add up to the confusion of whts beneath the tough looking calvarium? :) hmmm ...sets me pondering!
Coming beck to the topic, wht exactly is meant by "truth" it wht we realise or are made to realise based on evidence/proof/factual circumstances or is it the inner voice, the so called "gut feeling" (which sometimes can go dangerously wrong)...
well , according to me the former is all bout thinking with ur mind (the practical way wch unemtional people are supposed to think) and the latter is about thinkin with ur heart(as do the hero's in any karan johar flick *snigger*)
But what bout us confused homosapiens who do not understand wht to listen to...who do we trust?? "the practical mind" or "the sensitive heart"...whoaa ...its quite a mess...guess i should give up on thinking...but thn again , easier said than done right? :)
A friend told me recently that i think too much and that i should learn to chill and enjoy life as it comes...chill?? exactly do u do that?? and does chilling promise us permanent peace of mind or rather should i say would it drive away all my thought processes...nahh!! i dont think so, its almost a "u can run but u cant hide" scenario...i guess ppl who think chilling out is a escape route should go get a reality check!! well , its true tht it does give u a temporary clear mind feelin...but thn how long??
Theres no thing like "avoidance", u cant avoid anything for long, it does come back to u :) why do we even try??
guess "giving up" is part of human nature too *sigh*

August 02, 2006

"hello can i speak to dr pri please", said a voice on the othr side of the phone...
She was almost about to say wrong number and hang up when she realised that she was pri..."heyy results are are now officially dr pri" said the happy voice...
Pri almost dropped the receiver was a instant kodak moment...the kind the winner has after winning the miss india paegent...;p
yayyyyyyyyy...finally the years of turmoil had paid off...the tension , the stress had finally come to a culmination point...that one moment made her forget all the bitterness which was overruling her the past soo many days...and after a long time , she smiled from within...:)
it was one of those rare ocassions when you really smile from within...those kinda smiles wch reach ur eyes ...those rare ocassions whn u dont need to paste a plastic grin to face the world, you juss dont need to pretend ...cos you are really happy and nothin in the world can stop u from beaming...
She knew it wud happen someday, but the journey had seemed soo long n boring :D
there were times whn things got soo stressful tht she almost felt like givin up ...n then again life hadent been kind, it had come up wth its own stresses n tensions asif to say "lets see how much you can handle"...and the timing too had been wrong as always...
its true they say, sometimeslife derives its own sadistic pleasure by tryin to mess up things wch hav been already messed up...she had been goin through a lotta crap, notphysically but times she felt she was goin insane...n all the while she juss hoped tht her personal life wud not mess wth her life othrwise
But wth god's blessings and her strong belief in god, she felt like a winner...she had emerged above all those distractions she had survived it...she was happy :)
"DR PRI"was all she could hear :) the satisfaction of attaining adream made her beam wth joy ...she had never really realised the importance of an exam until now...
all this while they had been juss exams, things to clear up and move on ...and "results" were never really soo big an issue...
but this time it had been different...things had been happenin which made her confidence dwindle...the "why's" n "how's" of life were haunting her and her othrwise positive attitude had been wearing off...but then again such things in life make you realise the importance of things wch othrwise dont matter much...
She smiled to herself and hurridly hung up ...she had to tell her mom first
"ur daughter is a doctor now---ive survived it ma" she said brushing a tear frm her face as she hugged her mom...nobody could understand wht she was talkin bout except her ma ...she gav her a hug "i knew you wud" and smiled...
Scared she might burst into tears again, pri rushed to her room...leaving behind a perplexed sis who was wonderin wht the big fuss was all bout...
"hmph..she dint even wait for me to congratulate her ...what the devil is wrong with pri???from when did exams and results become such a big deal, i always thought she was confident bout everythin"..and her ma dint answer this time, she smiled ...

looking in the bedroom mirror, pri stared hard at her tear stained face n thought to herself...
"dr pri...yess thts wht u are...n thts wht you will be from today...a doctor...a good doctor...juss a good doctor...thts it "
somehow she didnt feel like smiling anymore ...