April 30, 2009

some 'wonderland' gyaan...

March Hare: …Then you should say what you mean.
Alice: I do; at least - at least I mean what I say -- that's the same thing, you know.
Hatter: Not the same thing a bit! Why, you might just as well say that, 'I see what I eat' is the same as 'I eat what I see'!
March Hare: You might just as well say, that "I like what I get" is the same thing as "I get what I like"!
The Dormouse: You might just as well say, that "I breathe when I sleep" is the same thing as "I sleep when I breathe"!

(excerpt from 'alice in wonderland')

April 28, 2009

are u even listening??

dear god,

you are supposed to be the 'know all' right?---then how on earth do u keep forgetting the simple fact that im just human!!

your truly,

April 21, 2009

to each his own!!

for some---its about endless conversations...
for others---its understanding the silence between two heartbeats...

for some---its the passion involved in the relationship...
for others---its the magic of a simple glance...

for some---its the music in their beloved's voice...
for others---its the warm glow the heart feels even in silence...

for some---its that smile which plays on the lips when thinking about each other..
for others---its about sharing those unshed tears...

for some---its about understanding each other perfectly...
for others---its about accepting each other despite the imperfections...

for some---its about changing each other for the better..
for others---its about never wanting any change at all..

for some---its their sweetheart's presence felt even in their absence...
for others---its the hope that the wait will end someday...

for some---its the anticipation of spending a tomorrow together...
for others---its the life in every moment spent today...

for some---its the comfort of always being around...
for others---its the bittersweet pain of seperation...

for some---its mutual respect and requited admiration...
for others---it is sacrifice in the neverending struggle with the self...

some face it...
some run away from it...
some accept it..
some ignore it...

it is a truth u are afraid of...
it is a lie u seek shelter in...
it is a game which has no rules...
it is life and it always catches u by surprise...

for those who care to understand--it is love and for those who dont, it is a strange emotion they will experience yet never realise!

April 18, 2009

what a bad IDEA sirjee!!

what do u get when u combine a superbad day with a supercrazy phone network???---a miserable ultrafrustrated feeling which makes u want to go mass killing all the ppl in IDEA and VODAFONE services ( which apparently are the two network parties facing the problem 8 out of 10 times) and then change into a superhero costume and topple all the towers in the network just to get even!

yess ive been having problems and major ones at that..phew!
problems which have been bruising my ego.
problems which have been humiliating me by making me scream "whaaaat? sorry i dint get that (again)" at the rate of an average 3-4 per minute.
problems which have made me consider going to an ENT specialist fearing the root cause might turn out to be something different than just a bad network! *shudders*
it was only when i could hear every word of the hushed conversation between a couple in CCD which 4 of my friends could'nt hear a word of, that i was convinced my ears were doing absolutely fine! hallelujah!!!

but ive been trying to desperately find some positive in the whole thing--learn from me, O depressed souls of the world, LEARN!! :-/

by the way do u think i could write a self-help book..do u? do u?? *rubbing palms in glee*

-----firstly, i have learnt wonderful ways (103 to be precise)of making someone repeat what they just said without knowing that its because i could'nt hear a word of what had been said the first time around.heehee
but unfortunately this always seems to fail when most needed--because it is times like these that the entire curiosity element just gets to me and the desperation clearly shows through a screeching wailing "whaaaaaaaaat?? i caaaaaannnnttt heeear youuu" now this initially worked a bit because that someone in question had a lot of patience and could mindread that i might suddenly collapse on the nearest possible thing in my room and burst out into angry tears, but like they say, patience like old shoes eventually wears off and understandably so after a long working day.
so now we have reached a point where i just get a cold "golden words are not meant to be repeated" (with a huge sigh to add to the effect)and no amount of screaming "its not MYYY fault" helps..hmpf!!

neways so where were we? ahh the positive that has come out of this NID (network induced deafness)
sigh! 103 ways fall short when it comes to some smart ppl i know :(

but on a much more serious and sentimental note, much to my irritation, exasperation, humiliation, frustration--i have realised that this is the best way to know who'd have patience enough to deal with me on those not so sunny side-walks of life...i mean imagine, what if i was actually hearing impaired or something?? or on a more realistic note, 50-55 yrs down the line, when i turn old and deaf, i would still be equally curious to know what ur saying and imagine i would pretty much be senile too at that time, and that phrase could have disastrous effect on my psyche--i would feel let down..sad..depressed...worthless..friendless...hopeless...DEAF!! noooooooooooooooooo!! *takes a deep breath and reminds herself that shes not there yet and that she should note down whom to pester at 70 without having to suffer a traumatic heartattack*

-----even though this has caused major issues and frustration at times, there are days when im utterly happy because im doing all the talking...i mean sure, the other person talks too but u know the story..sigh!
if the topic gets anywhere near things i dont want to hear or something rude or nasty is being said about me, (yea my friends are pretty direct about wht they think...noone cares about my feelings i toldya..sob sob!)then i just go and mask the sound by turning on the fan or something.
yeah trust me!! that is enough stimulus for the NID..so u can imagine how bad it is *goes into depression*

----have been having far lesser number of fights over issues which under normal (read 'sans NID')conditions, would have cropped up far more often...
but since im sure that my CNS wont be able to manage the strain after being exhausted enough in an attempt to guess those golden words, i have been avoiding even treading into that territory.pathetic phase of life isnt it?? *rolling eyes*
besides people can be awfully curt when they are upset or angry..who knows i might be labelled "DEAF" and the worst part is they might be screaming it in my face and i would be "WHAAT???? i cant hear you..whaaat did u say??"
uff!! chuck it..im better off without those issues being brought up..we've got newer issues to handle neways like "PHONE NETWORKS"

-----ok this one i dont know to be happy or sad about---my vocubulary has increased by atleast 245 swear words..its a different thing that they are being hurled at the IDEA admin guys only in the mind till now...but someday soon, when i get through their super-busy line, im sure they'd go crying home!! :-/

-----my phone bills will come down a notch i guess which isnt a too happy situation as well..its kinda like saying "il'l spend less money on booze now because ive been diagnosed with cirrhosis"..u get the drift dontya?

besides i have been contemplating going somewhere far away and abandoning my phone in the hope that itll save everyone having to say/hear "whaaat?" (i soo hate the word now i tell ya) the frustration...have also been contemplating going without a cellphone throughout my remaining life (u know the 'cool hermit' kinda way..whaddaya think? huh?huh??).
another terrible but strong option is flinging my cell phone against the wall and breaking it into tiny pieces so that i will never gather the courage to ask/buy another one after the lunatic act..
somehow my dad though is pretty amused with the idea and has been encouraging me to go with the second option..hmpf!!
besides there is a suspicious looking pauper in my family who has been eyeing my new phone for quite a while now and suggesting we trade phones since it could be the 'phone' and not the 'network' (the sole reason for me to believe tht it can never be the phone)---the evil mind of an older sibling i tellya!

ohh just in case u wondering and sniggering at me thinking im a fool to think this way when i can just change my network, then let me tell you---changing networks would mean having to change my number and im extremely, idiotically, totally sensitive about changing my number in a crazy kinda way (maybe its got to do with the fact that its been with me all these years through the thick and thin of life..in sickness and in health et al *ok before this sounds like marriage vows, i better stop*).
so to cut the long story short---save ur energy and dont suggest a network change..
and dont u dare say i am a sentimental fool, because what to do? we are like that only! :-/

anyways so here i am---stuck up with phone problems and now to add to it, the realisation that im just not cut out to write self-help books i guess..sigh!
no matter how much i try searching for the needle, i cant avoid gazing long at the hay and freaking out (ohh that reminds me the sun is shining a lil too much in goa these days and im literally melting..i wish i could just packup and go holidaying to the north pole or something.
maybe if that big fat man with the white beard really exists, i could ask him for a solution to this major phone-network-crisis---neways he'd be free till december.thats when the gift wrapping starts doesnt it?? *dreamy look*
*WARNING IN HEAD---u are digressing*

ok ok *pushes the warning sigh away and continues* so we were talking about the damn blasted @@$#%$%^#%%%$$ phone, network, IDEA, vodafone, NID, and poor little adamant-about-keeping-the-same-cellnumber-me, squashed amidst all this trying to figure out what exactly is responsible!

who can say when the network clears?
---only time..only time!!

and who can say what the ear fears?
--only time only time!!


April 15, 2009

of roads, bridges and uncertainities

I often like to believe that il'l cross the bridge when i get there!!
but sometimes i worry myself out thinking what if i reach the edge only to find out that i cant turn back and there is no bridge ahead...

in hindsight, thats what makes life complicated--the what if's which are soo difficult to ignore...

the questions which do not have any answers...

the boulders along the road which cause me to stumble and squeeze the joy outta the journey making me ponder on where i am actually heading...

the small voice in my mind which constantly searches for logic in my emotions brutally rendering them senseless when it does not find any...

the strange deafening silence which pushes me into an abyss of time and space one moment and in the very next moment, breaks its self managing to pull me out and hold me close...

At times i wish the watch could stop and time could stand still for eternity---because somewhere i know that i can never be prepared enough for what is to come..
and yet somewhere, the uncertainity of the bridge makes me aware that i will have to learn to swim before i reach the edge...
such is life!! :)

April 07, 2009

"story-time" is back again...

I had almost forgotten all about the 'storytime' tradition i used to follow on my blog until someone reminded me that i havent been holding our collective-creativity sessions since the last few months...so with all due apologies, lets gear up once again and start weaving ;)

anyways here are the rules for those firsttimers who arnt yet familiar with it and also for those who have forgotten...
--->i will start with a line...a random sentence and u guys have to spin a yarn around it...got the picture??

--->each of u will have to contribute one line after another...and continue the flow of the story...

--->u can comment however as many number of times as u want but make sure that there shouldent be two 'consecutive' lines contributed by the same person...and also each comment should have just ONE line of the story...

--->anyone and everyone (this includes first-timers to 'nostalgic moments' and non-bloggers too)is allowed and requested to contribute...just make sure u go with the flow...and would appreciate if u leave ur name or ID behind so that we have atleast that to associate ur talent with ;)

--->the characters in our story can be given names as long as they dont keep changing :p..so make sure u read the comments before u before contributing ur own...new characters can be added...

--->u can make sure of any form of writing--direct, indirect or both...

--->u can write anything u want but please keep in mind not to write anything offensive as it is against the ethics of my blog...also make sure u dont include anything that wud hurt the sentiments of fellow bloggers :)

--->make sure u just put nothing but 'ur line' in the comment section...

--->please do not be hellbent on taking only ur idea forward by ignoring the other comments on the way...remember 'storytime' a joint effort and the point is to go with the flow...so just in case ur idea gets neglected along the way, do not take offence and strike back with a vengeance by deviating from the flow and sticking to ur point--thatll only make it senseless...and remember we are here to make sense from the nonsense :p

--->please try to wrap the story up by 8.00 pm---14th april (tuesday)...if not urs truly will be compelled to put up a crappy ending of her imagination(u know how pathetic my stories are and often they dont even have happy endings..so dont say i dint warn u! heehee)

On 14th april at exactly 8pm IST, i will collect all the contributions, as they are and in the same particular order from the comment section and post them...and voila!! lo and behold! there will be, OUR VERY OWN PROUD STORY!!...heehee

so gear up and get ready to create the wackiest, funniest, strangest story of all times :D
it could turn out to have tragedy, drama, romance, humour...but the best part is its going to be UNPREDICTABLE! and can twist with every single line...somewhat like life eh??
so lets get started........

so presenting before u the line which starts it all ;) *drumrolls in the background*

"do u believe in ghosts?" amar asked his newly wedded wife avani as they entered their new plush apartment--coincidently the only one on the 13th floor..

cheers and keep it rolling! :D

April 05, 2009

of selfish promises i make today....

After a lot of careful introspection, ive finally realised that i need to make some promises to myself...
ive made a few before---some ive lived up to..some i have unintentionally broken..each for a different reason under different circumstances.
but promising myself certain things makes me feel better...it makes me feel i have my life under control.
it gives me a utter sense that im in touch with my reality and that i know what im supposed to be doing.
and more importantly, it might just help me gather myself during my weak moments saying "pri, u promised--and here is proof u did that right on your blog!!" and maybe snap me back into my senses..

ok i hereby permit you to remind me incase i choose to forget all about these and drown myself in melodrama (im accused of doing that during my weak moments and NO! i do not mean 'PMS' here)..
just make sure u dont get too irritating ok? :-/

so here goes--for the records and (for all its worth) much more than that:

1) i promise il'l never lose myself to self pity.

2) i promise i wont blame myself or anyone else for things that cant be changed.

3) i promise not to allow anyone else define my happiness for me.

4) i promise that once i get about making a decision, i wont look back at it to see whether its right or wrong.

5) i promise i wont give ppl more importance than what they are worth.

6) i promise not to judge present times on the basis of the past.people change and so do situations.every day is a new day and if something which seemed so perfect in the past does not feel right today, it just means it probably was but now is not!!

7) i promise i wont cry over things which will only make me feel miserable.

8) i promise to stay away from anyone who try to magnify their problems or mine because being at the point i am right now--just on the brink of insanity, all i need is a lil push and i fear i might topple over..sigh! :-/

9) i promise to make books my 'best friend' because even though they sometimes dont live upto your expectations, they never hurt you.

10) i promise not to build up impressions about ppl or things i hardly know.

11) i promise to remember that its okay to be selfish sometimes and remind those who've forgotten, that im human too.

12) i promise not to feel guilty and blame myself for things im only 50% responsible for.

13) i promise not to expect anyone to be half as good as i imagine them to be.

14) i promise to enjoy my present one day at a time no matter what others have to say about it.

15) i promise to put things across clear and straight at the risk of them looking rude.

16) i promise to pay a deaf ear to unwanted opinions, nags and advice.

17) i promise not to put up a happy front all the time inorder not to ruin the mood of some ppl who i know couldent care less anyways.

18) i promise not to allow anyone to tell me what im supposed to do or not do or how wrong or right i am.

19) i promise to always listen to my gut instinct, my inner voice--because no matter what anyone says i know it has always worked for me.

20) and last but not the least, i promise to try my best to live upto these above mentioned promises.