December 30, 2007

ADIOS 2007!!

Today is a special day for me...not just because its the last day of the year but because NOSTALGIC MOMENTS has completed one whole cycle of 100 posts here... :)

Thanks to all of u for sharing my smiles,my tears,my experiences,the world and life as i see it...

thanks for tolerating my cribbings and rantings, putting up with my bouts of literary diarrhoea (though many have fled seeing the size of the posts i write *grin*)...

thanks for correcting me when i was wrong, agreeing with me when i was right and adding to the confusion when i was confused, making me feel i wasent alone..*big grin*

thanks for sharing ur experiences and opinions which have unknowingly affected and helped me in a positive way...

thanks for making me feel loved and cared for even in this surreal virtual world...

thanks for trying to keep the flickering flame of hope alive that genuine people and emotions still exist behind those false id's and blog handles in this cyber space even though i had lost trust in it a long long time back...

thanks for smiling when i smiled, teaching me to smile when i cried,intentionally or unintentionally making me understand the importance of things i had been ignoring and realise those i had been avoiding...:)

thanks for appreciating my humble attempt to put forth my views and thoughts and for encouraging when i tried to give wings to my passion for writing...

thanks for not coming too close and yet being there whenever i needed you...

thanks for not invading my privacy and yet respecting my personal life...

thanks for playing along when i wanted you not to notice the thin streak of reality in some pieces of fiction i conjured up at times...

thanks for making me feel comfortable and at home around here...

thanks for just being there...:)

needless to write anymore, heres wishing all of us have a very happy new year 08 :)

December 29, 2007

the never ending arguement---once again...

Well i got this in my mailbox...and thought of posting it on here...
wanted to share this simple fwded message to all the believers, atheists as well as agnostics who have visited 'nostalgic moments' in the past (referring to my prev posts:--- 'knock knock..anyone up there?' and 'something i want to share') who shared their opinions , expressed their beliefs and doubts and have either left or sometimes left me, unconvinced and fuming but at the same time pondering over the discussion....
This mail claims to be a true life conversation and probably will leave all of us smiling...
maybe a lil more confused than what we are right now...or maybe a little more confident...and then again maybe not...but definitely smiling :)...

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty.
He asks one of his new students to stand and.....
Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.
Prof : Is God good?
Student: Sure.
Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student : Yes.
Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him.
Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?
(Student is silent.)
Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?
Prof: Is Satan good?
Student : No.
Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Student: From...God...
Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes.
Prof: So who created evil?
(Student does not answer.)
Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student:Yes, sir.
Prof: So, who created them?
(Student has no answer.)
Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you.
Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student:No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't..
Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist.
What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.
Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.
Student: And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.
Student: No sir. There isn't.
(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that.
There is no such thing as cold . Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat
We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy . Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it .
(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)
Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, brightlight, flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't.. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it.
Now tell me, Professor.Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)
Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher? (The class is in uproar..)
Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain,sir.
With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)
Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student:That is it sir... The link between man & god is FAITH . That is all that keeps things moving & alive.

this is a true story, and the
student was none other than.........

APJ Abdul Kalam , the former president of India.

SMILING arnt u??

have a good day! :)

December 27, 2007

CROSSROADS---and the journey continues...

Had scribbled this one in my diary during one of those "at life's crossroads" moments...thought i'll just post it up here today...:)

walking in silence into the past,
the road lonely, her mind forlorn...
she travels back in time to see,
that phase through which she'd once long gone...

those long hours gazing at the star filled sky,
trying to form a pattern there...
unknown constellations shining bright,
wondering what secret they'd want to share...

But soon life had made her cross another lane,
with people unknown and faces blurred...
no want to stop and greet or smile,
no time to think through the past occured...

a strange solace had sought she there,
amidst the busy new crowded zone...
there were people at every turn and bend,
yet she often found herself all alone...

scared to trip or lose a step,
she found herself going with the flow...
not once she stopped to look around,
or wonder what the patterns had to show...

too busy just to survive strong,
she wandered beyond that dreamy state...
slowly but surely killing the dreamer in her,
but at times she couldent help questioning her fate...

there were days she missed those star filled skies,
the innocence of those wonder years...
everything around had changed with time,
strangely making her lose all her fears...

faces unmasked as time passed her by,
each time hurting her a little more...
she was taught the rules of the 'survival' game,
despite clipped wings,she would have to soar...

smiling she waits at the crossroads today,
wondering again which way to choose...
heart and mind at conflict once more,
aware one of them will have to lose...
one of them will have to lose...!!

Its a tough decision---the one at life's crossroads...because once u eventually get about taking it, there is just no turning back...

the journey continues...and u dont find that same 'crossroad' in life ever again...

December 25, 2007

Retrospective Ramblings...

Sometimes all it takes for life to change is a second's time and poof! u know nothing will ever be the same again...
and from that time on, u realise its a new life...everything changes...well almost everything...

It sometimes makes me wonder...i mean dont u think its funny (in a sad sorta way)??...something we give soo much time..put in so much attention, dedication, passion..something we never could even dream of ever letting go is suddenly snatched away from us...and we are proved wrong in the worst possible way there could ever be...
the trust we had shown towards life...the belief that it could and would turn beautiful no longer exists...
Eventually we begin to succumb to the surprises fate flings at us and accept defeat taking comfort or perhaps refuge in living each day at a time...
each surprise at a time...
each compromise at a time...
as survival or perhaps merely existence becomes the need of the hour!

But thinking about it,had things turned out exactly the way we had wanted them to, would we be strong enough to face the bigger unexpected jolts in life??
but then again, there would be no unexpected jolts in the utopian life we'd choose for ourselves wudent it?
So why is real life so different??
why does the outcome come as a total surprise at times?
why cant we get over some issues even if we want to and are aware that we are definitely trying hard enough??
and really speaking, how much is 'enough'?

Is it destiny? is it fate? luck?? or some mess we ourselves have turned our lives into???
Dunno---yet to find that one out!

and then again...what is destiny??
is it something written for us by some higher force before we come into this world...or is it in the lines drawn on our palms with some angel dust by a fairy who visited us the night we were born :) (like i was told by my granma whn i was a kid)..sigh!!
but frankly speaking im not any less confused now than i was then...ok yaa the 'angel dust' theory has been replaced by various other theories like 'karma' , 'circle of life' and sorts...but i would be fibbing if i said i was convinced by those either...
conclusion---i just dont know and perhaps im guilty of feeling its a waste of time thinking about it...probably because i know that i wouldent come up with any answers..atleast none which would convince me without opening a whole new discussion which wud ultimately end with a 'to each his own' closing line...

My mom has been recently trying to persuade me into reading the work of 'buddha'and urs truly has fled on every such ocassion with the excuse that she is waiting for an 'english edition' to hit the stalls...heehee...
but i guess it wont be before long that my mom is gonna make sure she gets one from somewhere and makes me read...

personally i have nothing against 'gautam buddha' but somewhere i have this fear in me...what if i read those books and figure out im living my life all wrong??
i mean i know it wouldent make any difference because u gotta do what u think is best and yada yada yada...but what if?
just what if i manage to get CONVINCED??
The last thing i need is another reason to wallow in self-pity for the rest of my life...

Speaking of self pity, (allow me to digree just a little)the last time i did that ( a real big way) was when i came across a self help book named 'why me??' and immediately picked it up because at that miserable point of life , i felt i could actually relate to it..sigh!!so spent a whole 170 bucks for a 30 pages book thinking it might just help...*rolls her eyes*
But unfortunately even after reading the whole book upto the last alphabet of the last word, me was wondering where the 'help' in 'self-help' came from.
Seriously, sometimes i really wonder if these self-help book (most not all)authors get some commision from the psychiatry department...some of them really manage to do wonders to ur mindset and almost always in a negative way...
and then there are those others which state purely obvious solutions in a more illustrated and profound way...i mean hell!! if those worked out, why would anyone buy a friggin book??

Coming back to the topic, me's thinking i could give mom's suggestion a try..and the small excerpts she keeps telling me from time to time (irrespective of whether im listening or not)seem to have quite an impressive impact on me..i mean the philosophy makes sense....
could always stop reading if i feel its going to land me up in sudden bouts of depression or the likes..and then whats my shrink getting paid for?? sigh!

but till to drive me crazy with your interpretations??
are u guys as confused as i am on this?
go on!!vent out!debate...argue... discuss!
its been a long time i visited my shrink anyways ;p

December 24, 2007



check this link out folks...couldent resist putting it up here-----

cheerios!! :) :) :)

December 20, 2007

The 'IF' tag...

Was going through a coupla random blogs and came across this wonderful tag...
i dunno why but was almost instantaneously tempted into taking it up...
probably because the 'if' wch is the main centre around which the tag revolves has always attracted the dreamer in me...
or maybe somewhere deep down,some unfulfilled desires lie silent sometimes at the cost of appearing dormant or even dead and are suddenly awaken by tags like these wch give them wings,evoke a pensive mood and set me flying in a world where imagination and possibilities have no limits as i cross the crimson horizon where reality ends and dreams begin, in the pursuit of happiness, however surreal it actually is...:)

Here I go...
If I were a beginning, I would be:- the beginning after the 'end'

If I were a month, I would be: -february (cos it ends faster)

If I were a day of the week, I would be :–saturday (cos its the start of a happy weekend)

If I were a time of day, I would be: -6.00 pm (cos thts the best part of the day isnt it ?? it college studs or working ppl, thts the time almost everyone gets free from the shackles of hard labour :D)

If I were a planet, I would be:-neptune (dunno why..err jus like the name)

If I were a season, I would be:-monsoon (sigh! who wudent?)

If I were a sea animal, I would be a :- sea horse (dont ask why? no particular reason :-/)

If I were a direction, I would be:-the most complicated one (i like it when people cant figure me out too easily :-/)

If I were a piece of furniture, I would be:-a study table (there's always a serious scholarly air about study tables)

If I were a sin, I would be:-the one wch caused the least hurt but the worst sentence--making the sinner repent for life.

If I were a liquid, I would be:-the tiny beads of perspiration on ur brow after a tiring but satisfied day at work or the ones which suddenly make a presence when you are caught fibbing or making excuses ..heehee

If I were a fraud/scare, I would be:-fear of lonliness :) (scares everyone dosent it?)

If I were a tree, I would be:-pine (brrrr! i wish to have the capacity to stand strong and tall even in the coldest of conditions :)...)

If I were a tool, I would be –a screwdriver (would like to fix some loose screws in a few heads i know )

If I were a material, I would be:- cotton (very comfortable)

If I were a flower/plant, I would be:- an orchid :)

If I were a kind of weather, I would be:-the calm before the storm

If I were a musical instrument, I would be:-the one nobody knows to play :D

If I were an animal, I would be:-a squirrel (cos i believe i have a thing for nuts..sigh!)

If I were an emotion, I would be:- nostalgia (now wasent tht obvious!)

If I were a vegetable, I would be:-a couch potato...err..i mean a potato :p

If I were a sound, I would be:-the tinkling sound of a light drizzle heard only by the sensitive ear and felt only by the romantic heart :)

If I were an element, I would be:-fire (can warm up as well as burn u)

If I were a monument, I would be:-a place of worship

If I were a song, I would be:- the kind which would bring both, a smile to the face and a tear to the eye everytime u hear it.

If I were a food, I would be:- somethin 'mom-made' :)

If I were a place, I would be:- home

If I were a taste, I would be:-the taste of hard earned success :)

If I were a scent, I would be:- the lingering scent of wet earth during monsoons...

If I were a religion, I would be:- humanity

If I were a gem, I would be a :- diamond (forgive me for being cliched..'tanishq' is paying me for promoting)

If I were a sentence, I would be:-duh! life imprisonment ;p

If I were a body part, I would be:- the spinal cord

If I were a facial expression, I would be:-a confused smile

If I were a subject in college, I would be:-'shanpattilogy' :D

If I were a shape, I would be:-something which changes from time to time :-/

If I were a quantity, I would be:-just about enough

If I were a colour, I would be:-sky blue

If I were a thing, I would be:- something very unique..sigh!

If I were an artist, I would be:-one whose mood reflects in her honest work

If I were a collection of poems, I would be:-poems by pri *grin* [would mention special thanks to the readers of 'nostalgic moments' in the acknowledgements if u promise to buy my]

If I were a watch, I would be.- one that has stopped at 'the perfect moment' :)

If I were a book, I would be:-‘The kite runner'--khaled housseini

If I were a landscape, I would be:-an isolated 'no mans' island

If I were God, I would be:- frustrated

If I were a vowel, I would be: 'A' (because everyone would learn to know me before anything else)

If I were a consonant, I would be: 'P' (all great names begin with it...*hint hint*)

If I were a formula, I would be:-one wch everyone would wreck their brain proving ;p

If I were a Science, I would be:- one very important and valued...

If I were a theory, I would be:- easy to understand but equally difficult to prove..

If I were a famous person, I would be.:- dr pri (ohh how i lurrrvvvee me :p)

If I were an electronic equipment, I would be:- a nokia cell phone (connecting people)

If I were sport, I would be:- chess (did i tell u i have a huge crush on vishwanathan anand..ahem!)

If I were a movie, I would be:- oscar award winner

If I were a cartoon, I would be:- garfield

If I were an explorer, I would be:- writing a travel blog instead...heeehee

If I were a scientist, I would be:- graham bell

If I were a relation, I would be:- a friend :)

If I were a river, I would be:- the thames

If I were intoxication, I would be:-passion

If I were alone, I would be:- very different from what i am now

If I were a question, then I would be:-why?

If I were a hobby, I would be:-blogging

If I were a habit, I would be:- a 'habit' to express myself as often and as clear as i would like to..

If I were in an atom, I would be:-creating marvellous life forms :p

If I were an end, I would be:- the end of a painful life

If I were you, I would be:- congratulating myself on having finished reading this tag..heehee

Ahh...job done and im happy :)
P.S: i tag whoever has the time and the patience to do this tag..:D

December 17, 2007


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yesss its my di's birthday today...
well if u guys have been following my blog, u must be knowing of my sister already...
but for those of u who dont know her TADAAA!! now u do!

So after irritating her with different versions of happy birthday ,a couple of wch ive put up above, she finally asked me if i didnt have anything else to do than torture her by playing these birthday songs blast volume early in the morning...
hmpf!! nobody appreciates genuine emotions these days and to think i spent hours to search for these---the perfect birthday songs to torture ...err i mean 'wish' ur older sibling on their birthday...sigh!!

The emotional outburst started right from 12am when i played the first song startling her out of her skin...heehee...i wish i had my camera along to capture tht kodak moment...the poor soul probably expected me to come singing happy birthday and there i was lappie in hand, with a irritating version of happy birthday blaring in her ears...her pupils were almost dilated...*evil laugh*
After about 10 minutes, she came to me with

chief complaints of---
ears ringing with weird extraterrestrial noises
an acute episode of giddiness
and sudden blackouts

HOPI(history of present illness): patient was apparently alright prior to the last 10 minutes.
patient claims to have suddenly developed these symptoms after hearing a series of 'most horrendously played and sung' happy birthday songs wch led her to go in shock ever since...
auditory function tests after the episode were found to be normal...
no h/o (history of) convulsions
no h/o behavioral abnormalities much to younger siblings dissapointments
no h/o vomiting, nausea, pain though patient did complain of acute pain radiating from left arm wch subsided on being ignored by family members

patient claims of suffering from similar episodes in the past (right from childhood) on various ocassions from torture inflicted by lil sister---details not required as decided by doctor...though she claims that she was never subjected to such degree on her birthday(special consideration)...
other episodes included:
h/o vomiting after hearing lil sisters sob stories.
h/o convulsions on listening to siblings choice of music.
h/o sudden loss of reading skills when pestered to comment on little sisters blog
h/o frothing at the mouth and pretending to play dead when little sister tried reading her blog posts aloud.

[1]sleep pattern ---highly disturbed for the last 4 months (time shifted in younger siblings room)
due to :
a)little sisters waking up in the middle of the night on hearing imaginery voices and jolting big sister out of her dreams too.
b) little sister receiving calls from friends and messages at weird hours of the night wch are most often only checked by big sister as little sister is far far too busy in sleepy land and wont wake up even if theres an earthquake.
c)little sister talking in her sleep and as usual yapping like theres no tomorrow.
d)lil sisters sobs and whimpers which tend to get louder if big sister is pretending to be deaf and still asleep.
number of reasons forcefully limited as smart doctor gets the drift...:-/

[2]bowel and bladder habits---no gross altertation except for the rare bouts of diarrhoea and constipation when lil siter tries to experiment in the kitchen.

[3]appetite----reduced appetite only on those special ocassions when innocent sibling is eating like a famine-stricken glut (making her seem all the more 'miss perfect' and lil sister all the more lunatic)...hmpf!:-/
nonvegetarian most of the times except those special ocassions when little sister suddenly gets those 'nonveg foodie' craves..thts when patient tends to suddenly develop a thing for veggies and aversion to things wch were once living...*rolls her eyes*

[4]addictions: not any she has ever confessed..inspite of serious doubts expressed and investigation trials conducted by little sister

on treatment since many years on regular doses of wise cracks, smartass comments,unlimited sarcasm as prescribed by dr pri (who happens to be the lil sister as well).
patient compliance --very very poor.
no h/o any other treatment.

DIAGNOSIS BASED ON ONLY HISTORY:(as patient refused further examination and walked off shooting angry glances and threatening to strangle doctor with the nearest thing possible. doctor thought it was wise to let patient decide for herself because
1)'patients consent' is very very VERY important...
2) crazy patient can do anything as is not aware of her senses and right now couldent care less about public safety and doctors health...:-/
3)and most importantly, doctor spots the laptop cable hanging loose nearby and prefers to be alive...

so coming back to the diagnosis, i hereby conclude (considering the signs and symptoms, onset , duration and progress of the condition)that the patient was suffering from 'PIDS'-----PRI INDUCED DISTRESS SYNDROME.
(detailed study on the organism called pri in some other post)
which is soon to be aggrevated on hearing that little sister has not brought any birthday gift yet and that is the SURPRISE she was talking about...heehee
so guys if u dont hear from pri and read about some mysterious murder on the papers,u know whom to direct the cops to right?? ;p

ok ok enough of let me turn a little serious...and wish my di a very very very happppyyyyy birthday yet again.(this time in a more decent human style for wch i dont get labelled as a 'banshee'...hmpf!! :-/)
love u lottttsssssssssssssssssssssssss diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Happy Birthday.mp3

(am now going shopping for that 'black forest' cake...i know its not ur fav, di...but remember??... its MINEEEE! yum yum...:p)

December 12, 2007

THOSE TIMES---straight from 2004 ...:)

Was going through some stuff in my saved documents and came across this piece i had penned (err typed) down years back in 2004...those med school days...those fun times with friends...ahh got me romancing with nostalgia again :)...
Well i noticed my style of writing has definitely changed...and tht got me smiling...
but then again,one thing ive noticed and am grateful hasent changed over time is the friendship i share with these ppl who still hold a very important place in my life...(well almost all *smiles*)...
A lot many more have been added along the way--maybe il'l write about them in some other post...:)
Coming back to these guys,even though we dont get to meet up as often as we usually did, and even though work and life has managed to get some of us hooked up in diff parts of the world, yet we never miss out on a chance to catch up...and yess those good ol days never manage to leave us alone when we do...sigh!!
This read brought all those ol times back and it was fun reading it...
I think il'l mail this to them ...afterall nostalgia is much sweeter when shared isnt it?? :)

--------------------------------------MARCH 2O04:8.30PM

FRIEND-------First one to Respond In Every Need and i decided 2 dedicate this post 2 them...though they deserve a lot more than tht..but neways here goes..:)
In life we all come across many ppl ...sum of whom we keep for ourselves as friends..:)Friends r those relatives we couldent choose but wished we could..n friendship is all bout havin fun ,sharin ur joys n yeah ur sorrows too..,havin the same frens n could i forget..the same enemies...
I love makin friends...n keepin them...n i believe friendship is something forever...
Well lemme say sumthin bout my friends now...they r a weird bunch..but its a crazy world anyways...
(pls note the names here are changed to umm mainly save my skin...:P)

1.MUSKAN----we call her "plumpy"...very jolly, funloving, lighthearted ..( i wish i could say the same bout her weight)..Her main aim in life is 2 lose weight...she speaks bout it, she cribs bout it, she dreams bout it, she cries bout it, she sighs bout it... but dosent DO nethin bout it...Plans remain plans whn it comes 2 diet control...I guess thts wht makes our friendship click.."THE WEIGHT FACTOR"..we sure hav this in comman..:(
2. MISS INDIA-----We call her tht..well "dilo ki rani ", "miss haseena" r her other names...guys swoon over her..not only a pretty face but very friendly n smart 2...MAIN AIM IN LIFE----to maintain her image..n yaa...her figure too....:)
3. SHAKEEL -----"the eternal casanova"...tht describes him all...."play boy","mr flirt" him wht u want...but he wont change..
He breaks his own record of makin girlfriends n then dumpin them...i don know how they still fall for him inspite of knowin him... well i guess its the "SHAKEEL CHARISMA"..;p...MAIN AIM IN LIFE--------to discover his "true lady love"..the search is endless...but he is enjoying every minute of the journey...:)..otherwise very goodnatured, cool, smart, dosent mess with ppl who dont want to mess with him...and when it comes to friends, he is one of the best..:)
...well hope he gets his miss right soon..
4.MANISH------we call him "MOOSA" after the film "PLAN"..we often tease him with plumpy...(the weight factor is common between them 2)...but we all know...tht plumpy has lost her Sweet little heart 2 Sumone Special...though she keeps denying it...(another thing in common between me n her..."THE DENIAL FACTOR")...HAHA...oops sorry 4 goin offtrack...comin 2 moosa..he is a nice person...good at heart...sumtimes acts kinda girlish though...maybe thts bcos of his increasing friendship with those silly junior chicks...moosa bhai...lage raho...;P
5.DEBBIE-----witty, humorous,always laughin...she has more guys as friends than girls...but absolutely "no hanky panky"...she keeps wishin she was a guy...wonder if she wud go in2 a gay relationship thn...haha...
but frankly speakin she is the heart of the gang...always thr 2 laugh at my PJs...",wht wud i hav done without u?"...
6. RACHU----goin steady with 1 of our profs..(actually junior resi)...wht more can i say rachu"...;P..all the best...
the weddin bells r gonna ring as soon as we join internship....they r a cute couple n mad bout each other 2...remain tht way..:)
7.TIPI-----whn we hear her name...all wht flashes b4 our eyes is with a laugh like tht ..she could scare kingkong away...whoever taught u 2 laugh like tht tipi..?? neways u rnt gonna marry kingkong r its okay i guess...;P
8. RAHUL-----nothin like the "rahuls" played by SRK...they r a complete contrast...our rahul is the total "geek"..always in2 books , always readin, no jokes , no girls no life...only exams ,exams, exams...we all feel he needs 2 get a life sumtime...but thn nobody wants 2 exchange lives with him...EXCEPT durin exams...ill exchange personalities with him ne exam day...duh! r brains a part of personality...i hope so...otherwise...I WANT MY WORDS BK...;p
9. MR LIAR-----WE CALL HIM THT COS THTS WHT HE IS BEST AT ----spinning yarns.
small or big, white or black...u name it...there isnt a yarn he hasent spun..n wow ! is he fast at it...even the strictest of proffs juss melt away after hearin him n gals, thts wht he learnt this art 4 i guess...good we know him 2 well 2 beleive him!
10.NEHA---she n mr liar wud hav been a great pair...she is juss like his female counterpart...the only diff being she dosent use her "fibbing abilities" with profs n gals...SHE USES THEM WITH US...
U shud see her b4 ne exam..we all know she slogs her ass out...but neha dear comes with the greeting line "I slept the whole night yaar...i dint study nethin..i don know wht 2 do.."
n not 2 nebodys surprise she stands among the toppers whn the results r out...MAN! she should get a phd at lying...
but aint she dumb....she uses the same greetin line all the time..n 2 top it all tht fake yawn..whn all of us know tht she is as fresh as a flower even after a whole nights studin n tht she dosent sleep a wink durin exams...haha

WELL ,this is bout my friends...ive got many more...Net friends, blog friends,family friends,whtever they may be like..
frenz r frenz..n we shud b grateful for havin them....n afterall


MUSIC ON MY MIND:(our fav song now and even back then) :)

December 09, 2007

go away!! all posts dont have titles...

Im feeling really helpless and at the same time angry at the sorry state im in nowadays...
Do i really have the right to take my decisions on my own?? i mean yeah, my folks keep telling me how much they trust me to take the right decisions and how im supposed to be the one ultimately making my choices in life...
but days like these i jus keep doubting this hullabaloo...
Maybe they just keep telling me tht so that i keep making the right decisions or rather making the decisions wch are actually compatible with theirs...and yet keep feeling tht they are entirely mine...or worse still so that im afraid tht i'll be held responsible if my decisions turn out to be wrong and so refrain from taking them all by myself and rather ask them for help in the first place...
Seriously there are these times when i fail to understand even family...
Have been taught to take my own decisions right from my childhood days...
then why am i feelin this 'pressure' of late?
Small things have begun to suddenly matter a lot...not tht they dint earlier...they always did but not upto a point where i'd tend to feel suffocated...
There is this sudden lack of space...this point where concern seems like interference...and where everything and everyone out there is waiting to prove u wrong prove ur incapable of handling life...
its getting on my nerves now...its MY friggin life dammit!!
All of a sudden, how come im being questioned a thousand times about whether im sure of what im doing or not...why is it tht im expected to do a certain thing even though im not really comfortable with it??
Sorry but i dont seem to get it! wht happened all of a sudden?
why this sudden 'i know whts best for u' attitude...wch ultimately leads to a lotta arguements...and more of all why this attitude camouflaged by something wch they feel will kinda talk me out of the decision...and if tht dosent work, then theres always that cold feeling of indifference in the air...
And having a difference of opinion dosent really help...i keep argueing, fighting, expressing my disagreement and ultimately feeling bad over how i behaved...
I ask why teach me to make independent decisions when sometime in the future u want to prove to me tht they'd go all wrong ..??
and to add to my irritation,why am i afraid of exactly that even though im pretty confident of my decisions?
Is it because im chicken?? when did i start being unsure of myself...unsure of wht i want...and if i really am tht confused than why this feeling of dissatisfaction tht im letting go of something ...of succumbing to a gnawing fear wch will surely engulf me , my confidence, my existence and whatever little is left of my individuality...
I mean thr comes a point when u jus need the space...and thats why i needed this holiday...but then if thts so, why is it tht im still thinking about it and writing this stupid post at 1.35am even when im sitting here miles away from home...
And then again, i dont know why im being ruthless as well...why i feel this intense dissatisfaction towards things going on...why i expect my family and close ones to shut up when i want them talk to me when i want them to...and more precisely exactly what i want them to...
Have been losing my patience over the slightest of things of late wch leads me into many an arguements and then eventually locking myself in my room feeling like a stranger in my own house or venting out , cribbing and ranting on my blog...avoiding phonecalls,constantly being in a cranky mood,sleeping almost all the time when im at home,making plans with friends and then calling them up to cancell them...ive been acting crazy i know...
I dont seem to give up but neither do they...
For the first time in life, im feeling claustrophobic!!

December 06, 2007

thinking about 'today'...

Sometimes time goes by so quickly...
It just seems yesterday that it was the start of 2007 and here i am counting the days to new years eve...
Its true...time just seems to fly...and yet sometimes it seems neverending...its ironical actually :)
sometimes the melody time plays seems to lock us in an eerie melancholy wch we can never hope to decipher...yet we are so enraptured by the tune that we never manage to break loose...
It binds us in a complex wrapwork wch often tempts us to look back into the past or try to peep into the future...and while we are at this, we often ignore our 'today'...
yes the same today wch is the only thing in our control...wch somewhere in some small little significant or insignificant way forms a part of our tomorrow...the same past wch kinda is responsible for shaping up the future...but why is it tht we ignore it when it is in the intermediate phase---the present??
Why do we prefer sighing about the past long gone or dreaming about the future long awaited??
Why are we stuck up in 'nostalgia' or 'blissful anticipation' instead of living and working towards a stable, secure and happy 'present' first??
We hardly notice what lies infront of us till its long gone past...
likewise we often tend to wait for something to happen...something to snap us out of the usual monotony of life...and while we keep hoping, we tend to overlook whats already happening...maybe its not significant enough at tht hour of time but who knows perhaps its the start of something...something we will wish we'd paid more heed to when we look behind at some point in the future...

I dont know if im making too much sense right now...
but heyy pay attention...who knows the pieces might just fall in place sometime soon...:)

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December 03, 2007

something i want to share...

I received this as an email from a well wisher...saying he/she (undisclosed) wanted me to read it...this was kinda a response to my post 'knock knock anybody there??!' (or so i'd like to believe)
On reading this , i did experience a strange kinda peace of mind...and so i thought of puttin it up here too...
and hereby i also thank the 'caring soul' who sent this fwd across to me...
i did receive the same fwd from a coupla friends too later i knew it was getting circulated...
just sharing it with u guys :)
> Hello God, I called tonight
> To talk a little while
> I need a friend who'll listen
> To my anxiety and trial.
> You see, I can't quite make it
> Through a day just on my own...
> I need your love to guide me,
> So I'll never feel alone.
> I want to ask you please to keep,
> My family safe and sound.
> Come and fill their lives with confidence
> For whatever fate they're bound.
> Give me faith, dear God, to face
> Each hour throughout the day,
> And not to worry over things
> I can't change in any way.
> I thank you God, for being home
> And listening to my call,
> For giving me such good advice
> When I stumble and fall..
> Your number, God, is the only one
> That answers every time.
> I never get a busy signal,
> Never had to pay a dime.
> So thank you, God, for listening
> To my troubles and my sorrow.
> Good night, God, I love You, too,
> And I'll call again tomorrow!
> P.S. Please bless all my friends and family too.

often we tend to worry about things we cant change or do anything about...i guess we just have to let them be and trust HIM...
somewhere we do know we need 'him' (the one up there), believe in 'him' and have matter how angry or irritated we are...somewhere we can never give up on 'him'...and that is another universal truth of life...:)
maybe he has something planned for all of us...maybe he hasent...but thats not for us to worry about...cos as they say 'HE knows it best' :)
sometimes u gotta stop looking for answers and just wait till they find u themselves...

take care
and keep the faith! :)

November 30, 2007

high on life...hic hic!!

Scene at a friends party...apparently this was one party i dint know many at...u know the boring kinds wch u go to even at the risk of seeming alien...just because the host persuades u and u dont want to break her heart...
no?? u dint get the picture?? about this?--the kind where u can afford to act mean and nasty because apparently nobody will remember ...
OKK! i see u got the picture now u heartless creatures!!

common friend (she): meeting her for the first time u dont drink??? with a shocked expression

me: 'ohh i very concerned about the fluid:mass equilibrium in my body system' showing her my glass of fruit punch and grinning

she: awww thats just fruit punch...err...i mean hard drinks pointing to the vodka in her hand

me: 'ohhh okk'allowing her to feel tht i hadent got it earlier..'no i dont'

she: 'whaaattttt??? i dont believe u...'

me: 'uh huh?..well u got to...please please...i'll never be able to forgive myself and die wallowing in self pity tht thou dosent believe me..i beg thee to believe me'
she was a lil taken aback..though i think she was too drunk to realise the pun
'K'(my friend and the host of the party) was too busy holding her stomach and laughing ...and i couldent help roll my eyes...apparently i wasent in the best of moods and was trying to get away from the conversation lest i sounded rude (wch i was afraid i already did)...

she: 'no i mean really...dont tell me u still belong to the ol orthodox school'

me:'now now...its true i did my schooling in a convent but dont u dare call it orthodox' i could joke all i want and be as cynical as i would like to be because she wouldent remember anything in the morning and i was hell sure of tht...heehee

she: 'i mean...'

me:'lol..i know wht u mean..and no, its not about being orthodox...its juss out of choice...some ppl enjoy drinking ...some feel they r already 'high' enough and dont need it'
i could see 'K' grinning from a distance...and enjoying every bit of the conversation with no plans to come to my rescue...i was dying out of boredom talking to this lady here and my good conversation skills dint even matter cos she was so drunk tht she could conk off on the sofa any minute and i would definitely not catch her...:-/ .
me was waiting with bated breath for some 'drama' there...
but she went on bantering for the next 45 minutes finding noone around but me...she told me how everything seemed right after a few drinks ...and how it was needed to forget and come to terms with the tragedy called life...i swore to myself tht if he sent someone to save me from this torture, i would never crib about life ...but nope! i had to suffer for the times i cursed 'life' with all u fellow bloggers...and so there i was suffering in silence listening to this madwoman who either was hired by my jealous enemies to get me start drinking (ok this is whr i start getting delusional) or had taken up the challenge feeling sorry about my so called 'booze untouched' sad personal life...hmpf!
sigh! i was almost afraid tht i would give in if she insisted too much and return home drunk after having her talk me into it (at the rate she was cribbing)...
apparently two of us were not having a great day here! :-/
and then heaven took pity and my prayers were answered...
finally some drama...let the party begin!! yippeee!

November 28, 2007

the mask...

believing only what we want to believe,
at times gazing outside the box too much,
either way, its but a loss suffered,
as we fail to see the 'real' picture as such...

basking in the bliss of ignorance,
disposing every told judgement away,
often we like living in a farytale,
while the heart tries to search the hidden shade of grey.

slowly engulfing us, our dreams continue,
we often ignore the 'black' and 'white'...
so busy in searching the expected 'grey',
we tend to miss whats lucid in sight...

its too late when we realise we've been succumbing,
to the dirty tricks played by our own 'heart' and 'mind'
searching high and low in all the wrong places,
for something which dosent exist,yet we hope to find...

and then it strikes us, the game they played,
we played too but werent taught the rules,
nobody told us it could be all a farce,
nobody said if we'd believe it,we'd lose...

but finally enlightenment dawns,
and we realise it isnt that easy a task...

and slowly but surely as the curtains draw,
we recognise the face behind the mask!!

Tujhse Naraaz Nahi...

November 26, 2007

26th november 07 : 9.15am
last night was all about 5 mugs of coffee, 6 cereal bars and staying awake the whole damn time reading old diaries...
today morning is all about migraines,sudden blackouts and trying to get over the hangover...
guess il'l just sleep all of today away...
feeling wasted ...and im not even drunk!sigh!!

UPDATE:---when i heard this song initially,i thought it was juss a lot of 'jingbang'...but after hearing it a coupla times more, fell in love with the lyrics :)...
its from the 'yet to be released' movie "khoya khoya chand"...enjoy!!
Khoya Khoya Chand-...

November 25, 2007

just a phase---me playing 'miss know all'!!

during a conversation on phone:
L:'u know pri, sometimes u really surprise me...'
ME: 'i know...'

at the coffee shop:
A:'u know,sometimes u might be having everything u ever wished for just a step away and u dont realise it...'
ME: 'i know...'

before every failed cookbook recipe, the scene in the kitchen:
MY PARTNER IN CRIME (usually my cuz or friend):'this dosent seem right...u sure u adding the right things?i hope u know what to do next'
ME: in a overconfident tone 'YES , I KNOW!...'

after every failed recipe, the scene at the table:
DAD: staring at the concoction cooked rather reluctantly, while mom is still in shock over the mess in the kitchen 'i think we'll better eat out today...'
ME: with an embarrased look 'i know...'
MOM:'this is the very reason why i keep warning her not to experiment with exotic recipes...why cant she stick to the plain day to day meal...but no! noone ever listens to me...normal food is boring she says...yada yada yada' :-/

after every small success be it in the kitchen or as a doctor at the hospital:
THE SAME MOM: 'my darling...shes good in whatever she does..and always ready to soo proud of her'am smothered with hugs
ME: 'sigh! yeah mom ..i know' :D

excerpt from a chat window:
STRANGER: 'its been almost a year since we are speaking and all i know is tht its not thaat easy to understand u...'
ME: 'i know...:)'

after a huge arguement with my mom:
MOM:'i really dont know what uve planned to do with your life...'
ME:'err..i think i know...'

conversation with a fellow blogger after reading one of my posts
FELLOW BLOGGER: 'ur crazy pri...u know tht?? really crazy..sigh!'
ME: 'i know...'

text message from a friend who keeps thinkin im GOD and can predict things about her life juss because a few of my assumtions have come true...sigh! :-/
'hey pri...what would i do with u??u r the BESTESTTT :D...muaaahhhh!'
ME (in reply to the text msg): 'i know...heehee'

after burning a hole in a new dress while ironing it:
SIS: 'how could u juss forget like tht? u are sucha nut!'
ME: 'i knowwww :(:( ...'

after almost every decision frankly put forth to family:
DAD: 'i hope u know what u r doing...'
ME: in a 'not so very confident' tone 'i know...'
MOM(angry and irritatedat urs truly): 'RIGHT! dosent she always?'

just before putting up this post:
INNER VOICE: 'do u know how stupid this post sounds (reads)??'
ME: i knoww
(but im posting it here anyways..hmpf!)


November 22, 2007

knock knock!!...anyone up there??

This scribble was inspired by a sight seen along the roadside on diwali day...i dint have the heart to post it up thn, thinkin it might ruin some cheerful moods...but saw it in my drafts today and it got me pondering again...

The world is enjoying so it seems...
everything seems happy and bright...
but in a dark corner i hear...
silent sobs piercing the night...

as i go near,the face looks up...
and i see a pair of eyes forlorn,
gazing into empty space,
i stare hard and my smile is gone...

dazzling lights and glittering skies,
every nook and corner adorned one can find,
i flinch as i realise this happy sight,
is missed by this little boy who's blind...

i watch silently as his mom hushes him down,
his angry tears stop streaming in a while...
but i cant help wishing this festivity here,
on his innocent face would play a smile...

and yet again i question ur injustice,
yes u up there who's known to be just and kind...
what pleasure thy derives from such cheap tricks,
thou makes me wonder whats really on ur mind...

someones crying for a little happiness,
someone begging to take away the pain,
someone sporting fake smiles for the world to see,
someone trying to keep playing 'sane'...

each one has got their own set of problems,
and each a different breaking point to bear...
its hell tough to gauge who's suffering more,
but maybe its easy, looking up from above there...

u supposed to be the almighty,
the one we rely on through thick and thin,
the one who knows and watches all of us through it,
the one who counts each blessing n forgives every sin...

but ur ways always seem to confound me,
to a point from whr i can only gape...
your plans never cease to amaze me,
and sometimes i really see no pattern taking shape..

yet somethings are just accepted,
and maybe whats in store for us is just one of those,
but dont u think its time u got into action,
and just stopped seeing right through our woes...


your angry believer...

November 20, 2007

and i learnt along the way...

When i was 5,i met my first 'best friend'...
and thts whn i learnt that there are people other than family who i love to spend my time with.

when i was 7, my mom refused to buy me a doll wch i liked at first sight...
thats when i learnt that i was not supposed to expect everything i liked to be mine.

when i was 8, i participated in an elocution competition for the first time...
thats when i learnt i was great at speaking in public.

when i was 9, i went without preparing for an "on the spot" speech...
thats when i learnt tht overconfidence can make u look like an ass ...sigh!!

when i was 10,i fell off my cycle while on the way home...
thts when i learnt tht i ought to keep my eyes open to avoid getting hurt.

when i turned 12,i had my first crush on a tv actor and went about telling everyone tht i was in love...
thats when i learnt tht it hurts bad to have ur dreams laughed at and that some things are better kept a secret.

when i was 14,i stood 2nd in class for the first time and cried my heart out for not making it to the top...
thats when i learnt tht one cant make it to the top all the time cos there is only room for one there.

when i was 15,i saw my name in print for the first time for having achieved a merit rank in my board exams...
thats when i learnt tht hard work and dedication does pay off eventually.

When i was 16, i had a huge crush on a fellow batchmate...who i later found out was on drugs and scored a duck in physics (obviously the crush came crashing down)...
thats when i learnt tht sometimes our heart plays stupid tricks making us see a 'frog' as a 'prince' while the rest of the world still sees him as the former.

When i was 18, i made it into medical school...
thats when i learnt tht whn u want something real bad, god makes sure u get it.

when i was 20,i started my first blog...
thats when i learnt tht i can vent out my feelings a lot better when i go as 'anonymous'.

when i was 22,i started disclosing my identity as a blogger to my friends...
thats when i learnt tht people who love me would still love me for what i am ...despite of what i am.

when i was 23,i realised a lot of things wch i was aware of but had forgotten over the years...
thats when i learnt that life is not a fairytale and that things u learn at 18 are not always true.

im 24 now and still learning...:)

They say 'Life is a lesson...u learn it only when u are through...'
I say 'absolutely!!'

November 15, 2007


well enough of procrastination...its high time i took up the tag passed on to me by mads...(next in line is ashu's tag but il'l save it for another day)
so here i go...

its quite simple per the tag,i got to allow u a small lil peek in my room, my bag, and my wallet...
in a way, this tag is pretty personal...hmmmmmm...

1)my bed--wch is amost always cluttered with books, mags, pillows strewn about.
2)my cell charger---one of the most essential things in my life.knowing tht i am incapacitated without my cell, i make sure its always around and in reach...
3)my closet wch is a mess right now and almost always is thanks to my undecisive sense of clothing...i take ages to decide what to wear for formal occasions and when i finally decide on something , the rest of my 'try-on's' get rolled up and dumped in one corner of my closet till...err...the next time im in a state of 'decision crisis'..heehee
so if somebody tries opening my closet, u better know how to survive the avalanche of clothes following...:p
4)a secret drawer chest (man! dont i sound 'film celebrity'ish now...*grin*)...well the topmost drawer is under lock and key and has all my personal diaries in there...some of wch i havent opened up in ages now...yess i do maintain a diary too apart from blog (though im sure most of u out there must be wondering what else i have to put in there considerin theres so much saved up on here already)..hmmm SURPRISE SURPRISE!!:D
5)and one of my favs---a balcony view facing the main street where i sometimes stand and watch the hustle bustle of daily city life ...and block out all thought processes as i watch busy vehicles race by...
and also from where this 'juliet' has spent her time staring at the star filled skies..lost in the peace and tranquility of the moment... the cold breeze brushing past her...the tiny rain drops falling on her face...transforming her into a die-hard romantic as she seems to get lost in the soft music playing in her mind and is inspired to pen down a random scribble...:)

1)my stethoscope
2)a face wash (especially in summers)
3)a pen wch is usually not working (sigh!) and a writing pad...
4)my cell phone
5)my 'hospital white coat' which i always plan to leave in my locker but somehow have never managed to till date...

err...pretty boring things i know...*grin*..but im a pretty boring person u see *winks*

1)my id card (incase im lost and suffer from selective amnesia...sigh!)
2)a small pocket sized photograph (jus in case my fans mob me and want an autographed pic)
3)cash (just about enough to buy me lunch)
4)a credit card (incase i suddenly decide to run away from home) :-/
5)used to have a keychain with a 'ganeshji ki murti' to it...but then ppl around started 'oohhing' and 'aahing' and 'chochweeting' it that my overpossesiveness led me getting upset everytime anyone touched it...:-/
so i decided to leave it behind at home till i learnt to deal with my ultrapossesiveness for ganpatiji...sigh!
now i just have one keychain(for my house key) wch was gifted by a friend and has 'pri' engraved on it...:)

there! tag completed...mission accomplished!! :)
now to tag 5 'star bloggers'...
so the chosen 5 will be *opens the envelope while the audience holds their breath in suspense*
---cosmic joy
---compassion unlimited

---abhishek bacchan (oops khanna)*grin* on special request..[now dude, u better complete it...:-/]

and ofcourse anyone who has found this tag even remotely interesting and wants to take it up are welcome to do so...

take care folks!

November 14, 2007

the only thing i hated about OSO!!

A famous line wch was constantly repeated in the 'blockbuster diwali dhamaka' OM SHANTI OM----
"in the end, everything turns out alright...and if it hasent, thn it simply means its not the end!

i wonder how many of us actually fall for tht typical 'bollywood' assurance every time we hear it...
Thanks to our candyfloss cheesy cinema lines,the aunty next to me sniffled everytime kiran kher said tht and a couple of juvenile teenagers awed in agreement with SRK...
I swear if i die before everything turns out right in my messed up life,il'l make sure my sorry spirit comes back to haunt 'farah khan' forever...and also that the people who delude us into believing this fairytale crap are sued for evoking false hope...hmpf!!

yes! i wont even wait 30 long years to be reincarnated and seek revenge...!!:-/


kyonki asli life mein, ul'l never know when and whr the picture ends (as opposed to the 'kyonki picture abhi khatam nahi hui' threat they kept giving us in the movie...wch they kept insisting was related not to the flick but to the 'big picture' aka life...sigh!.well i just thought it might be farah's insecurity telling the audience not to get pissed and walk off thinking tht the movie has ended *grin*... )
Anyways go watch it for the amazing songs and bring out the child in u (for a while) who, somewhere deep down keeps gettin tempted into believing in fairytales...:)and heyy take 'paulo coelho' along if u can...he'd be happy.(watch it to know why *grin*)


November 09, 2007


Well the title to this post would definitely remind u of the song by "guns and roses"...but hang on right there...u can listen to it later :D
well,surprising as it may seem it actually has been raining here for the last coupla days...for further explanations on this out-of-season bizarre episode, please consult the almighty 'eternal weatherman' sitting up there *pointing to the sky*(cos he would be able to explain best as he has all the controls :-/ )instead of coming up with weird illogical interpretations of ur own..ive heard a lot of those ol wives tales, trust me and once upon a naive time even believed them to be true..sigh!
Somehow this time around, the rains dint manage to bring as many smiles as it usually was thundering, lightening and raining like there was no tomorrow...
people were too surprised to react...and with it raining cats and dogs juss one day prior to diwali, noone was really amused...
I dint dare to utter a word in favour of the rains this time coz i was kinda scared would be kicked out of home, with mom highly irritated because her diwali preps were held up...thanks to the weather, the lights were flickering, the lamps wouldent stay lit for a long time, and the "akash kandils" (diwali lanterns)were getting soaked...i tried to pass some witty remarks to change the mood and all i got was an angry i knew my sense of humour wouldent be appreciated this diwali...:-/
With nothing left to do and understanding tht offering to help would juss invite some more angry looks, i went to my room to appreciate the forces of nature...
They say this funny thing about rains always manages to sweep you back in time...the strong wind blowing outside always seems to flip those pages of the book called "life" wayy back to a chapter u had almost forgotten...sometimes leaving u with a smile on your face and at other times a tear in your eye...
And then they also say tht "nostalgia" is at its best when its raining...i wonder why...i do agree...but then i dont think i need to depend on the rains for tht...hell i can be nostalgic even on a bright sunny day and i dont think anyone could sue me for it...but then again, guess thats just me...:-/
Well jokes aside,the rains did get me a little misty eyed...but then again, wouldent think its fair to blame it on the weather...maybe it was just me --being my crazy self again...
somehow this 'november rain' made me miss a whole lot of things...
---the company of friends at the hostel where we were forced to stay during diwali during 2rd year because we had exams coming (much to our frustration)...i remember trying to celebrate in our own lil way by taking time and making a small paper lantern in between study hours, lighting lamps in our room balcony,eating chocolates at 12am diwali night and knocking on senior/junior's room doors disturbing them and wishing everyone around justifying not being prepared for the viva in the morning by tht "cmon yaar, it was diwali" and subtly reminding the proff before the viva by wishing him "a very very very happy diwali :p...heehee
---the interns duty room of the orthopaedics ward, where i celebrated my last diwali in college(as an intern) fretting and fuming because i had to be on call on diwali eve...but then the nurses and ward boys did a more than fine job of cheering everyone up with all the handmade decorations and akash-kandils and lighting up the ward and stuff...and another good part was , almost all the patients wanted to be discharged for diwali reducing the workload and making the 'rounds' go a lot quicker..some even isisted on DAMA (discharge against medical advice) and so the ward had only about 9-10 patients and everyone was in a very good mood...believe me even the patients were coming up with suggestions how to pep up the diwali celebs...
I remembered wishing that i would be home to celebrate diwali but when i was greeted by each and every patient on rounds at 12am, i realised i wouldent have wanted to miss this for anything...:).tht was a perfect diwali!sigh...and now tht i was at home, i realised i was missing it...
---the times i used to make the 'akash kandil' with my own hands by using wheat flour paste as glue and crepe paper and silver foils...we used to make it right from used to help di and me make the 'kandil' skeleton and every diwali we looked forward to making tht joy and enthusiasm is replaced by the lack of energy to make one and just go to the market and pick up a ready-made piece...and the only fun in the game is the bargaining bit which also gets boring if the guy selling it is a loser and quits easily with a exasperated "accha madamji jo dena hain dijiye...chahe toh free mein le jaiye" :-/ (it was only when i was all ready to walk off with the lantern, feeling very happy about it, tht i realised he was jus being sarcastic and not serious... such killjoys i tell u...hmpf!!)
---missed the times i used to be online on YM (yahoo messenger) almost 24/7...or atleast appeared to be online even though not around,well maintaining my status as a net addict...and then one fine day, i juss forgot my password (dont even ask how...can u believe it..i juss plain forgot...poof! erased from my memory and inspite of various attempts to retrieve it, i couldent..sob!)and since then,i never got about making another YM jus dint matter it fading of enthusiasm or a feeling of frustration over the loss of the friends in my contact list and a sense of lethargy to add them all again or maybe juss a comfortable freedom from the claustrophobia i sometimes suffer from unwanted intrusion by ppl i feel i dont want any interference from...but then , there are times like these when i miss it all...the attention, the friendly bantering and the 'keeping in touch'...
sigh! sometimes i think i dont even know what i really want...
---the rains outside also made me miss all those rainy days when 'pri' used to be lost in plesant thoughts, dreaming away to glory, thinking of the future and revelling in the past...and then she grew up...
im aware tht the rains dont have that effect on me anymore ...:)

Besides, there were things which i cant put a finger on, but which these november rains definitely brought back along with them...
pages of a diary flipped open,days gone by, laughs shared, smiles exchanged, tears shed, greetings pushed away, blogs opened and closed down...
some words can never be erased...the same with some memories...
Was it just the rains??... i dunno...:-/

The rains stopped...the preparations continued...everyone was happy once again...
the festivity went on...lights...lanterns...celebrations..all around...
But to me, all that mattered was the 'cold november rain' ...

November 08, 2007


Happy Diwali (Remi...


November 02, 2007

where's ur "curry and rice" gurl???

Simply love this video..its HOWLARIOUS!! :D
especially dedicated to all u guys out there who are searching for ur "curry and rice" girl ...heehee
here's wishing u the very best!!


October 29, 2007

situations,reactions,interpretations...shades of life!!

ME: "hiiiii...its been suchaaa long timee ....hows u?"
R: "im are u pri?" she asked as we hugged each other...

I was meeting up with R after almost 7 months now...except for the few ocassional phonecalls we were almost totally out of touch when she moved to another town after her marriage..i missed meeting up with her as she rarely visited her mom's place...and whenever we spoke on phone it was hardly for 5 minutes...It is a lil different after marriage they say...thts when u dont have as much time for friends and always have someone else on ur mind leaving ur best friends sulking with a "uve forgotten us now":-/...i used to never forget to pull R's leg with tht sulk everytime we called...:D

ME: "im good too...u dont know how happy i am to see u...uve put on soo much weight moti!"
and the conversation continues as we place our order...R tells me about her daily gym routine these days...and how its keeping her soo busy...we talk about job prospects, silly rumours, the latest sales in town and wch stores give the most discounts...having not met up with her for almost 6-7 months now, we have a lot to catch up on...but the smile on her face tells me everythings goin perfect...untill...
her cell starts singing the famous but boring nokia ringtone from inside her is fiddling with my cold coffee as she answers the call which lasts for about 10 minutes...she appears a bit tense
R: "heyy pri..i gotta rush off..its urgent..."
ME: "huh?? well we juss got here...atleast lets finish off with this coffee...whats the hurry?"
R: "its my lawyer pri...i have to go"
ME: "lawyer?? everythin okay?"
R: "been meaning to tell u...actually things havent been good...tarun dint turn out to be the guy i thought he was...ive been through a very bad marriage pri" and she breaks down as i look at her wide eyed...tarun was the guy R was in love with for the past 5 years ...i even remember the time she had introduced us to him before her marriage early this year...and the chap had managed to impress all--- her family and friends and convince us tht he would always keep R happy ...i couldent believe my ears when she told me tht this same guy tarun had turned into a jobless wifebashing bastard who had now moved in with another woman,leaving R with no choice but to leave him
ME: "R, why dint u tell me before?? all this while we were speaking on useless stuff...and ...and i asked u how u were doing wch.......... " me blurted out accusingly,feeling a lil guilty for selfishly filling her up with details of unnecessary stuff when there was obviously so much she wanted to talk about.
There was a long pause making me feel further guilty about all those times i had pulled her leg expecting everything between her and tarun to be going juss great...we were both silent for a while...after which R decided to break the ice
R:"dont we all say tht pri? dont we" she smiled
I knew she was many of us actually go about telling people no matter how close, whats really happening even when nothings going right...everything is always fine...thts how it should be.cos thts the expected reply to a "hows u?" isnt it??...i smiled back realising what she said was absolutely true...
ME:"you did the right thing R" i couldent say anything more
We paid the guy at the counte and hurried off...on the way back,she told me everything...and it only convinced me all the more that she had taken the right decision and while awing at her tolerance threshhold, i wanted to tell her that it would have been a lot wiser to walk off a long time back...but i know how these things go...matters of the heart take over leaving u numb n hoping for i decided on saying nothing...and sometimes all u need is someone to listen...and probably thts what R needed right now...

On reaching home, i was thinking about i dint have the slightest clue of what was goin on behind those smiling eyes till that phonecall...

I couldent help but curse the wifebashing freak she had fallen for...a fine example of how "mr right" could become "mr dangerously wrong"...and jus then i was snapped out of my trance by my cell screeching...(i wouldent say ringing thanks to the really weird ring tone selected by one of my close friends...hmpf!)
It was sims on the other line...
ME: "heyy sims...whassup?? hows u?"
SIMS: "not good pri...veryyy BAD!! nothing is goin right...absolutely NOTHING"
ME: "huh?? what happ? anything wrong?" still quite upset over the prev conversation at the coffee shop
SIMS: "everything!"
ME: "want to speak about it??i dunno if i can help..but would try..."
SIMS: "yaa thts the reason i feeling soo upset pri...and i really needed to speak to u to feel better..." by now she was almost in tears or so she sounded
ME: "sure sims,u can count on all ears...shoot! me a lil worried but anyways trying to sound cheerful lest i upset her all the more...
SIMS: not ur ears pri..i dont want tht...all i want is ...all i want is...your PINK LIPSTICK..."
ME: "whaattttt?????!!!"
SIMS: "yaa..." she continued to wail..."ive got a date in an hours time and i cant find ittt...i cant understand why this happens to me all the luck ditches me at the last minute...ive got ALL the other shades right infront of me...but tht blasted PINK shade...i cant find it...n now i have nothin to go with the lovely dress ive bought especially for this date she continued describing the outfit after wch she got back to cribbing ..sigh! doomed pri..cursed ...thts what i am...god juss dosent want it to work out for me!" me about to faint now
ME: "heyy sims ...chill chill...u r being hysterical now!!
listen u can borrow mine anytime u problem at all me rolling my eyes and counting 1 to 10"
SIMS: "thanksssssss pri..ur a lifesaver...muaaaahhh!!what would i do without friends like u?? am reaching ur place in 5 minutes...seeyaaaa"

and life seemed rosy to her once again!:-/

I sighed as i couldent help but compare the two sitations i had witnessed...the one in wch R was "fine as ever" or so she said knowing noone could do anything about it and this one in which sims life seemed to her a total disaster and all she needed was a pink lipstick to take care of it...or maybe again thats what it seemed like??...
I wished R's situation was as easy to sort out as the one sims was apparently goin though...5 minutes and everythin wonderful would that be..but then life isnt that easy and no matter what we wish for, "madame luck" keep throwing surprises at us...
Quickly disposing off the thought i searched my purse for the lipshade...
As i waited for sims,i penned down a few words in my diary---"28th october 2007: 8.15pm:A beautiful evening...a long awaited meetup...smiling faces...conversation over coffee...and life proves to me tht the world might be a little less happier and far more complex than what it shows it is..."

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October 27, 2007

Finished reading Khaled Hosseini's "the kite runner"...its a beautiful book...
spent all of last night reading it and to my surprise juss couldent stop the tears streaming from my eyes...i dont even know whether it was only something about the book ...i mean agreed tht its a very emotional and touching read but then again im not a very emotional person and it really takes a lot for me to cry...
I cry only when it hurts real bad...only when something really pulls at my heart strings and refuses to let go cutting through it deeper and deeper...and thats the reason i cry uncontrollably going out of breath whenever tht happens, often scaring my family by not being able to stop even when i want to...(one thing wch has always managed to scare my mom and believe me it has never been deliberate...she got convinced i dont know how to cry when i almost stopped breathing one sucha dreadful episode (a long time back) between angry sobs becoming as pale as a ghost and tried as much,even both my mom and me couldent get myself together and it was almost declared a medical emergency) ...Much to my moms irritation,i often joke that tht my control system dosent have any "tuning buttons" and hence can blow off the whole machine if turned the wrong!! I even tried to blackmail her a coupla times after tht episode back then but my mom seems to be the smartest mom around and i guess its not easy to fake something like tht when u havent got a single tear in those mischievous eyes...:-/ and frankly speaking, i myself was too afraid to ever experience tht kinda episode again...besides the fact tht i can never fake a crying scene thanks to wch i was never able to participate in "romantic tragedies" staged during my school years...hmpf!!
Im the kind who has seen a lot happening around me...and have personally been through a lot too wch has kinda made me a strong person or so i'd like to believe...
Not really believing every word u say, not convinced by what she hears and sometimes surprising u by reading what u dont want her to read, there are many who have accused me of misunderstanding them and an equal many who would like to stay a safe distance juss because they fear me understanding them too well...
Like most people ive learnt it the hard way and it has lead to my share of losses too...but at the end of it all, i guess ive emerged as a stronger person and now i wouldent trade it for anything in the world...
People have also accused me of harbouring trust issues which are only evident when one gets to know me rather well...but then cliched as it may sound, i sincerely feel, not being able to trust someone is far far better than having it broken by someone u trusted so much...some might just call me unfortunate and a few close friends have almost gone on the verge of frustration convincing me to snap out of what they feel is this so called "sad" attitude ive adopted...but i believe at the end of the day, its u who matter...and if ur happy living like this then go ahead...
i think im rather happy...
But then no matter how strong i might sound ,i sometimes doubt if there is still some soft spot in tht small lil heart of mine which isnt as frozen as the rest of it...and it scares me that at times a small flickering candle might be enough to melt it...
Memories from the past, back stabs from friends, misunderstandings i know wch will never clear, some words never spoken do fill my heart with regret ...but i dont remember them bringing tears in these empty lookin eyes unless it has hurt me from deep within and i can no longer bear it...
Once upon a time pri was the kind of person who would weep her heart out during "yash johar" flicks or even favourite songs,have tears in her eyes while listenin to someones problems and failed relationships,think till her head hurted about ruined friendships and backstabs from trusted ones...
But dunno how and when...something she is someone who juss feels a little regret at broken friendships and then decides tht it was never strong enough to last,someone who has learnt to laugh at the corny acting and cliched dialogues in those "ohh soo romantic" kjo movies,who listens to all her friends "i dont know if he/she really cares" woes and wails often trying to help by being their agony aunt and personal shrink till 5 minutes later she gets kicked off from tht position (hmpf!!) because "she will never understand" *rolls her eyes*,who kinda isnt surprised when a so called "close one" stabs her , who has mastered the art of pulling the knife out of her...bandaging the wound herself...wearing her overcoat and walking out, a lil wiser each time...
and then there are times like last night, when she continues to read with misty eyes doubting whether there really has been a transformation???...
and she curses "tht small lil corner" which is still not frozen yet... afterall..

October 25, 2007


The saddest joke in life is the realisation that you yourself are responsible for making it into one ...

and thats the kinda joke wch brings in all the regrets...
the kind u dont feel like laughing at...
the kind u juss want to shut urself away from...
the kind u cant stand anyone enjoying...
the kind when everything starts coming back to u and somehow not in the way u planned it...
the kind u cant help wishing to be different...
the kind wch would be funny if it wasent so sad...
the kind which makes u pause and think about the "circle of life" philosophy...
the kind which haunts u day and night...
the kind which makes u look away from the stranger in the mirror...
the kind u know u cant do anything about without worsening it further...
the kind u just refuse to live with...
the kind u know is not possible to die without...
the kind u neither want to share nor want to keep...
the kind wch follows u everywhere as u try ur best to run away from it...
the kind which dosent let u be yourself...
the kind which kills a part of u every minute...
the kind u wished u could ignore but are aware u cannot...
the kind u know u somehow are the only person totally responsible for...

ironically, the big joke u have turned your life into...

The worst kinda punishment is when u cant forgive yourself for somethin u r guilty about...thats when it follows u everywhere u go, eventually tracks u down and haunts u throughout life...the tables turn and the joke is then on u...

and all this while u thought u would be the one laughing??!!

heres hoping and praying we never have to go through such a situation ever!!
i know im not stronghearted enough to handle it...are u??