February 07, 2008

forgive or forget???

I have this stupid habit of digging up old graves even when i dont really intend to...
its like i think im all fine and normal and then bam!! when confronted,it suddenly comes back to me and i proceed to lash my whip of cynicism and bitterness at the poor unsuspecting soul who thought perhaps he/she had been forgiven...

it leaves me feeling good about myself...asif ive finally cut the losses...or perhaps its my way of trying to figure out if the other is really sorry enough to face the bitterness...
either way, it sure does lead to a lot of awkwardness for both the parties...

Its also true that this streak of mine sometimes gets on my nerves and i hate myself for it as i continue to feel miserable...i mean why am i this way??
why cant i just forgive or better still forget somethings and just move on?

Was discussing a fav topic wih a friend (fav topic being 'me' ofcourse!! *grin*) and she told me that it could be rather irritating at times how i tend to be so stuck up with things...
she further asked me had i to actually be as strong as i like to show i have become,why cant i forgive the people who have wronged me, why cant i befriend the ones i was hurt by?

and then the same confusing question..."what is it pri?? is it selfrespect or your ego that is coming in between?"
and this time, the eternal chatterbox that urs truly normally is, found herself at a loss for words...


Sam said...

loss for words??? u r joking.... tell me u r joking!!!

on a serious note... it is not self respect... dat doesn't make stop you from forgiving... it's ego which stops you.. self respect only makes sure you never get into the mess again and be sorry!!

Rambler said...

I think we all get stuck up with things... some a little more than others..

Anonymous said...

I have this same problem of "not forgiving/forgetting stuff" and venting it out on the most unexpected of times :|

Sam is right it is not self respect.. it has to do with ego..!

I still remember my then friend and room-mate [in a hostel] gave a treat to our other friends but convienently forgot to call me.. I didn't say anything then.. but well I fired her.. grilled her with soya-sauce...garnished it with chilly sauce and ate it all up with red-sauce..!
it is so satisfying serious :)

er!! maybe writing the "bad" feeling in your blog might help! ahh ya.. u do that i knw.. er!

ceedy said...

its really for you to find out...isnt it....we can only comment

but for me its not self respect or ego - its dabar ka kala dant manjan.....

you dont use it - so your teeth are not bright - so are afraid to smile - which you will have to if you forgive people :)

Cosmic Joy said...

Whatever it may be, one generally comes out of it when there is mental reconciliation and forgiveness. Its only then one truly leaves the past behind and moves forward.

DestinyFavChild said...

usual aches and pains of a disease called life...

radiohead said...

well .. I would guess so .. I have been complained of a similar behavior .. I mean I just came to knw lately when I was whining about one particular thing happened some year back, and kept nudgin the person on the same thing .. like being sarcastic n all .. n it was thn n there that the glass got filled to the brim .. and naturally it overflowed ..

I had realised it earlier too that I hold on to a lot of things .. from the past .. n take them with me .. the grudges specially .. or the bad things that happened (part of the being scorpio thing ofcourse) .. but it was only now tht it was explicitly stated .. n now I knw tht it hurts :D ..

well .. I guess one can get over it .. or may b not ;)

black coffee said...

i think the answer is forgive AND forget pri.. though it sounds all noble and pious not all of us mere mortals can do that.. in fact few manage to do it effectively..
but the goal is to TRY and do something towards it.. TRY to forgive and then forget..

but hey! i shudn sound like i am lecturing! silly me! thats not what i meant it as.. just a flow of thoughts..
Take care,
and it helps to NOT think abt such stuff too much!

Unknown said...

Forgive and forget.. easier said than done. I guess it just fades to the back of the mind waiting for anything to trigger those memories.

Those ghosts!!

Anonymous said...


there is very fine line between self respect and ego I agree, many a times I have faced the same situtaion...dnt botther urself...and do what ur heart says:-)))

Solitaire said...

Does it really matter what the answer is?
Are you comfortable being who you are?
If not, then you might want to make changes. And if you are, then be yourself and dont worry about the rest!

Gonecase aka. Shutter Singh said...

So very human, that's what we all are afterall !

Blog Boy said...

Loss of words..I really wonder...u wont ever loss of words, I can bet..Its just a temp phase..

Pri said...

@ sam
hmmm...makes sense...

@ ramber
agreed...different ppl, different lives, different stories :)

@ ceedy
ok aaj se dabar ke kale daatmanjan se brush karna shuru...:p
my dental bills would be henceforth forwarded to u...ok?;)

@ cosmic joy
hmm thats the whole issue i guess...letting go of the past in the true sense would be letting go of the memories (not only the bad but also the good ones) too isnt it??

@ destiunyfavchild
u said it buddy!

Pri said...

@ anuj
in the same dilemma anuj (and im not even a scorpio.lol)...but agreed it hurts :)

@ anonme
hmm no dear...u rnt lecturing..i asked for it :)
and ur right...forgive AND forget...but its tough..atleast for me..
guess i should be trying harder...
ohh and NOT thinking about it (or about nething for that matter) is an issue on its own...sigh!

@ j
ur right...the past has weird ways of catching up...

Pri said...

@ chakoli
my heart has quit giving signals a long time back chakoli...now its just the mind which is confusing itsself...:D

@ solitaire
a lil bit of both girl...a lil bit of both :)

@ gonecase
thanks for making me feel normal...lol!!

@ blogboy
yaa i guess it is the calm before the storm ;)

Anonymous said...

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." <~~ “ MahaAtma Gandhi
The best revenge for any unaccepted action is forgiveness, Habits they cage us , whip us, and tear our thoughts to crimson red, they leave scars unclotted , and then we get to habits to scratch the scars …., because we tend to forget our duties but remember our rights,….By forgiving we cannot change the past ,….. but for sure ensure a large & healthy future……. Habits are controlled by senses,… don’t feed the wrong grains to senses , …Every Name and Every Form is the cause for Trouble,….The WORLD is none other then MIND ,… Mind is none other then HEART,… Heart is forgiving(i.e. For + Giving)… The perception of Division about self respect and Ego <~~~ is between the seer and the object that is seen,…. All this is situated in mind for those remaining in the heart,… the seer becomes one with the sight,…Like we should agree the pundits when they say greatest service we can render to the world is self realization,…. And theres a pinch of self realization in this blog of yours….<~~~

A Germ.

Pri said...

@ veens
hahaha veens...u do manage to make me laugh no matter how serious the situation :D
and this time uve tempted me to go have some 'chinese' dinner too...*grin*
sorry for the late reply dear...saw ur comment pending just now and posted it up...

@ a germ
thanks for the 'gyaan'...

Cosmic Joy said...

We all forget some happy memories and some sad memories .. not by choice .. just human nature :)

IncorrigibleV said...

self respect or ego is the question...my answer ego.
but its workable more often than not!

~ ॐ ~ said...

don't ever FORGET...

forgive... it usually happens with time.. unless the experience was too bitter !!!

Lukkydivs said...

Even I find extreme difficulties in forgiving people and even more in forgetting things :P but you know pri...even if you read a hundred comments giving advices on this topic..its still impossible :P

so just be the way u r :)

Pri said...

@ cosmic joy
i have a problem with that...
somehow i tend to never forget anything ...be it good memories or bad ones...
it can be indeed frustrating sometimes...other times it jus makes me happy :)

@ vandita
hmm maybe...
anyways there is most often a narrow line between the selfrespect and ego as long as u dont have one of those 'superinflated' kinds...

@ -om-
ya i agree...some wounds time can never heal...while some it dosent even try healing and keeps scratching the surface time n time again...

@ divya
ur right divs...ive got to help myself on this...though i fear nothing much can be done...its juss me i guess :)

Anonymous said...


for u not to have an answer the question must have seriously affected/disturbed u :-)

Anonymous said...

stop digging the past, it hurts doc doesnt it ? stop it rt away!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

*blinks in disbelief!

how could u forget to publish my comment :-|

I will keep this in mind lady :P

Pri said...

@ adi
well...i dunno :)

@ ashu
ur right ashu...the hurt tends to resurface up in weird ways at the least expected times dosent it??
its not really in ur control...

@ veens
noo dear...somehow just overlooked it in my mailbox...did publish it later ...
now removed the 'comment pending' facility off my blog only for u so that these mishaps dont happen in the future...heehee

Anonymous said...

I tend to forgive but i have never been able to forget em..don't know why but i have this very bad habit of ain't forgetting things/people!

Anonymous said...

aww! so sweet of you!

dnt worry I was just kidding!
It's ok you don't reply, I just want you to know that I am around the corner.. waiting for your posts to know more of you :)

and it is completely ok to miss me out ;)

Pri said...

@ illusion
thats probably good for u illusion...we should never forget inorder not to repeat our mistakes...
take care!

@ veens
how sweet of u veens :D...
but no! its not okay with me to miss u out...:)
and u better not miss me out too ...EVER!! heehee


Anonymous said...

never ;)

Ankur said...

"the eternal chatterbox that urs truly normally is, found herself at a loss for words..."and yet have written so much... :P
We r human, and there is a part in the brain which is memory and it is one on which we r built. Digging old graves is just an eternal part of it.
I have learnt to respect all those who hurted me, wronged me, ditched me in some way or other coz those ppl teach me the most important thing in life...
So when u say u cant be friends with those, its just coz u havent forgiven them yet, it has nothing to do with ur ego or self respect... it has to do with what ur conscience think, how they shld be dealt!!!

Still ... wish u peace
Take Care Buddy!!!
Urs Truly ;)

Pri said...

@ veens
*pri is happy and gives veens a big hug* :D

@ ankur
hmm i hope to reach the stage ur in, someday :)
well its not that i dont repspect them...probably i care for them somewhere and thats y it ztill hurts...because i just cant forget somethings ...and to forgive u need to forget first...
i also realise that to forget , u need to forgive first :)
man! i dont even know if im making sense...
sorry for confusing u if i did *smiles*

Ankur said...

I hope i havent hurt ur self respect, its just tat when i see ppl arnd me in discomfort i do come out with d Gyan (as u may call it :P) consultant by profession so now its almost a habbit.. :D
You n i both know u r makin perfettt sense... :)
And dont even think abt confusin me more, i already m... :P

Take Care

P.S. Still unanswered!!!
Dont worry... i will still pay the consultation charges... :D

Pri said...

@ ankur
huh??hurt my self respect??? ofcourse not...what are u talking about??
besides i do understand what ur saying and probably also where its coming from...:).we all are a confused lot in some way or the other...
what is the question ur talking about???sorry i dint get that part...

Ankur said...

heheh.. gr8 to hear tat i didnt..
and huh sometimes shows ego..
huh.. i cant be hurted..
huh.. wat do u think..


and yes... mujhe toh lagta hai ki mera pura generation hi.. beech main rahe hain na hum.. modern aur antique ke... so a lot confused.. :P

P.S. Arre.. wat kinda doc u r yaar.. :P

Pri said...

@ ankur
ohh ...sorry i missed that question somehow..and am still trying to find it though..heehee...
anyways ive completed my internship just some months back (mbbs) and acadamically life has stood still after that...*grin* i mean as of now, no pg plans...
at 24, u dint expect me to be a specialist already did u?? ;)

ohh but i still charge consultation fees neverthless ;p

Ankur said...

@24 was infact a surprise.. i was thinkin 54 atleast.. :P
so i was expecting.. and was expectin u to be a ortho with one of my injured legs.. wanted to save time even to go to a doc.. :D
virtual world main virtual chocolate ki jaise main bhi virtual consultation ki virtual fee de deta... :P :D

oh.. n yes.. virtual consultation fees is always there for u... tats 4 d updated one.. :D

No PG plans as of now toh kya ghar basao plan.. or :O

waise koi na.. jyada padhna bhi acha nahi hai na sehat ke liye.. :P

Ankur said...


*Metally irked*


Pri said...

@ ankur
haha jyada padhai acchi nahi??? haan sure...nahi toh humein pati milne mein mushkil hogi na? ;p *speaking in gaav ki gori ishtyle*
aajkal kahan milte hain acche padhe likhe ladke babu?? bas kono dasvi paas mila toh bahot badi krupa hogi *sneer*

ohh and u guessed it right...abhi hum sansar basane aur chula chauki karne ka sapna dekh rahe hain...woh haspatal mein stetho dalke baithe rehte hain woh toh sirf duniya ko dikhane ke liye...asal mein hum prescription pad per bhi unka sketch banate rehte hain *sharmaofying*

heehee ;)

Ankur said...


kono davi pass mila toh krupa hogi.. arre chori.. thari kismat main jaane ki ki likhyo hai.. tu ke chahti hai.. koi rajkumar aawe aur tane le jawe apne saath.. apne ghode par bitha ke..
sapne ache dekh ri hai tu chori.. awego koi tane le jawa bai.. kathe jaan chahti hai tu..
*speakin in ganv ka chora style*
aur ke sapne dekh ri hai.. tanne aspatal main kaun beetawega.. tanne dekhkar mariga ki line badh jawegi chori.. tane toh apno clinic hi kholno padego.. :P


Pri said...

@ ankur
hahaha badi aachi bhasha bolte ho babu...kahan se seekhi?? :p

ohh and btw im chronologically 24 mentally 54 or something...so u were not absolutely wrong there??

why did u want to see a ortho btw?? too busy running and falling? *grin*

Ankur said...


arre chori.. seekhna ka kya hai isme.. ee to apne ganv ko har choro bole hai..
my roots r still der in my village.. hum shehri babu ban gaye hain toh kya.. aur phir hain toh marwari hi na... :D

mentally too old.. :P

nahi.. i keep runnin my bike and then keep falling to sve others.. :P

Ankur said...


waise read the last post in my blog.. the first with which i begun my career... :D

Pri said...

@ ankur
okk ..dint know u were a marwari...have got another marwari friend and we always pull his leg and bug him with that dialogue from 'paheli'---'vyapaar aur ginti baniye ka pehla dharm hain'...heehee no offence..its all in good humour ...just in relation o he fact tha marwari ppl are hell good businessmen :D

will definitely read that post on ur blog and comment :)

Ankur said...


arre itni achi baat par offense kyon.. yeh toh humari rago main hai.. chamdi jaaye par damdi na jaaye.. aur marwari ke liye sood asal se jyada pyara hota hai.. :D
and yes, we r shrewd, i take proud in the fact... we r good businessman.. hehehe
bahut badhai ho gayi... :P

aur jyada marwari ke leg pull mat karo... bhari hote hain.. gir jaooge... :P
sab deshi ghee ka asar hai... :P

i toh thought even u r a marwari with the ganv ki chori ishtyle... :P

Ankur said...


I was thinking the same way.. y is she holding it back???

but now, i got all my answers!!!

Still... this is the best day to play around... ;)