May 03, 2009

of unrequited love and falling out!!

can a person fall out of love??

i was speaking to a friend yesterday about this and according to him, if a person falls out of love, it probably never was 'love' in the first place...

that statement of his got me wondering...
he further said that its more of a crush or an infatuation if u fall 'out' of it...
thinking about it, i dont quite agree...

in my honest opinion, no relationship can work if one-sided..ofcourse there is this strong feeling of unconditional love that u justify urself with..but somewhere down the line it tends to wear off and then things either turn ugly or just simplify themselves.
lemme explain my point---consider a situation between 'A' and 'B' if 'A' has feelings for 'B' but 'B' does not have any feelings for 'A' then what 'A' feels for 'B' is also love (according to universal definitions--though the small voice within me is nudging me to add that love is supposed to be a set involving TWO ppl with the SAME feelings for each other).
but going by universal definitions, when 'A' is in love with 'B' but 'B' isnt, then the question is how long can 'A' stay in love with 'B'??

ok this again depends on how 'B' is towards 'A' but clearly if 'B' does not love 'A' who inturn is in love with 'B' then it only means he/she will start expecting 'B' to react in certain ways which 'B' wouldent understand..and then there will arise confusion..chaos..dissatisfaction!!
and eventually 'A' will realise that relationships work best only when balanced and clearly this is not the case and slowly but surely start falling out of love with 'B'

is it fair to say that 'A' was never in love with 'B' and that it was just a crush?
isnt it unfair for feelings to remain just the same even when they are not reciprocated?
i strongly feel that it is but natural to fall out of love when it is not reciprocated and yes i also feel that it is only fair to realise and not be the fool or in some cases the psycho in the relationship (if you can call it one).
at the same time, i wudent belittle the feelings 'A' had for 'B' to begin with, by saying its just a crush which passed away..neither would i dismiss it off as an 'ego matter'.
i would simply call it 'falling out of love'!! :)

ok now coming to the only other situation that can arise---consider a different situation with a different 'A and 'B'...wherein 'A' and 'B' are in love to begin with and gradually 'A' realises one fine day, that he/she isnt in love anymore.he has fallen out of what should 'B' do?
i say "nothing".dont try too hard to fall out of love because eventually it will may take days, weeks, months or maybe years.that clearly depends on how many fairytales and chickflicks uve seen and believed in as a juvenile.
but soon enough ul be right there and just like u did when u bumped into love, u will just know when u fall right out of it!!

practical or cold hearted as it may sound, i think it is humanly not possible to keep loving someone when he/she clearly does not feel the same about you...because somewhere down the line, when things get bitter or cold, there are no memories to lean back on--there is no love to depend on..
instead there are moments of hurt which keep coming back to you.
moments of unreciprocated feelings..
moments of misunderstandings..
moments of let down expectations..
and apparently and ironically thats when things appear crystal clear!!

ofcourse again you are left with a choice---u either face it and allow yourself to fall out of love (its easy--you just gotta keep your eyes and ears open..but its also not that easy because u gotta keep your heart closed as well to the many reality checks u have to keep inflicting upon yourself at the cost of some self-humiliation over and over again plus the fact that crushing those rose coloured glasses love makes u wear is kinda painful as well) or as the only other option goes, stay in love, bask in the feeling as long as it lasts, build castles in the air, day dream about happy endings and eventually cry with the broken pieces once the one-sided fairytale is formerly over!

I agree falling out of love is never easy but at times it is very much needed.
sometimes just like falling in love, it catches u by surprise and one fine day u realise u are not in love with that person anymore...
but sometimes u just gotta try and try and try to wake up---just like beating yourself with a hammer til that part of u grows numb only so that when u eventually stop, it'l feel good...

all said and done, there are people for whom falling out of love is just as easy as falling into it..
but there are also those 'i-will-believe-what-i-want-to-believe' dreamers who just need that extra shove from reality!!

A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain.
---Abraham Cowley

peace to all!


Hemanth Potluri said...

really can the question never been in love...but i know it hurts a lot even a frnd who is close is broken up with us...nice thought to put down doc :)..


rahul said...

i think you are human can bear the strain of a one-sided love for life

IncorrigibleV said...

tryin to fall out of love is sure painful... i wish it wud just happen one day!

IncorrigibleV said...

PS: will catch up on earlier posts asap

Arv said...

its a tough thingy :(

FunScribbler said...

A &B, B&A?? was confusing initially!:) but there is lot of truth and depth!:)

Lucifer said...

what is love???

Anonymous said...

neha said...

sad! although i wud say there are things that we can never understand..but i surely disagree with u on tht thing where u said its not love if its not felt by BOTH the ppl in question...
anyway..nice blog

Suree said...

we can say like this ...

if falling out of love doesn't pain you, u weren't in love...


A said...

ive often seen bloggers try to be politically correct about this.
in the pretext of attaining fake publicity and honour they glorify one sided love.
you are different..this is a very honest post.loved your honesty!

Pri said...

@ hemanth
yes sure it does..when we have to part ways with anything we consider close to our hearts, it definitely hurts.
but sometimes pain is inevitable and some wounds if not aided to at the right time, can turn into neverhealing ulcers.

giving up dosent always mean u are weak..sometimes it means u are strong enough to let go! :)

@ rahul
loving someone is easy..its the expectations which hurt..and no human can love someone without expecting love in return...

love is that plant which dies off if not taken care of..
it can stay oblivious of the can stay aloof of the future..but only if the present is strong enough to make it feel secure :)

@ vandita
i agree...and yes thats the best and most likely way it can happen when in the case of a unrequited love--because in that case there is no scope for the love to grow as it is blooming but just in one direction...

sometimes i feel the heart has a mind of its own ;)
it is stubborn and illogical but in due course of time,it does understand when to let go!

@ arv
it sure is..but as difficult as u want it to be or rather as difficult or easy as the situation allows it to be :)

Pri said...

@ thamizmangaani
lol! yea i realise got me a little confused too :D

@ mayz
mayank, if u havent understtod the meaning of love in 26 years, how do u think someone can make u understand what it is in just one comment? :)

but that apart, im seriously surprised that this is coming from blogsville's love guru!! :P

@ anonymous
yea..thats quite a sensible song innit? :)

@ neha
well its sad if u never get about understanding and realising that sometimes we can love someone with all our heart only to know that he/she does not feel the same about us...
i know u are referring to an unconditional kinda love...but apart from the love that our mothers have for us, do u think its possible for any other kinda love to grow without expectations coming in the picture?
i would say loving someone who does not love u back would always be just an incomplete love.
love has to be returned for it to be complete! :)

@ suree
it is but obvious that falling out of love would hurt but thats when u keep trying to fall out of i said its an attempt wherein u keep hammering urself sore in the hope that when u stop, itl feel better :)

the only other case is when u naturally fall out of love--though u realise it out of the blues, the process is subconciously on....somewhere something keeps gnawing at you but u overlook it till u can no more!
i would not say it was never love--at one point it was!
but for reasons only the heart can understand, it withers..

Pri said...

@ A
thanks..but i dont think thats entirely true--what u said about some other bloggers.
we all go through life and the situations it presents to us...somet situations are strong enough to form an impression while some impressions change with time and maturity...
depending upon where we/the others around are, we learn..we realise..we introspect..we reflect...we ponder and then we share our views!
there is no perfectly demarcated wrong or right in this..
we all know ourselves and our strengths and weaknesses.......and it is but natural that views differ!

it would be sucha waste--an exchange of ideas--if two minds thought exactly the same thing isnt it? :)

Anonymous said...

the last lines.. ah.. had me nodding.. to love in vain is the most difficult of the pains..!

Lucifer said...

exactly coz everyone thinks of love in a diff way...for some a look can b love while for other nothin can match up to their isnt it a vy relative emotion n thus creating relative feelings

Pri said...

@ mayz
huh? so the point being??
(this post is about unrequited love and falling out of it--so dont u think its only fair that one realises that some things are just not meant to be and try moving beyond all of it)

aditi said...

It's very confusing...I guess it comes down to this that there are two different is the "true love" in which both people love each other...
And the other is "love" when you just love someone but can't do anything about it. You have to get over that, though you may always have a soft corner for that person.
But I feel that after experiencing "true love" one can't replace it...

phatichar said...

You sure are the doc. The last two lines were administered like a quick shot in the arm. Immediately relaxed me after reading your post.


Pri said...

@ aditi
hmm makes sense :)

@ phatichar
lol! il'l take that as a compliment :)

A said...

@ pri (wrt above reply to me)

is modesty your second name? :)

Pri said...

@ A
lol!! naah..not being modest..just being honest :)

Anonymous said...

Oh my darling Jack,

When I fell in love with you two years ago, soon after I met you, I thought you were the One, I had no doubt that I coul love you forever...but after bein confined to friendship and you telling me all about other girls, watching you fall into your own unrequited live, and four monts ago realizing I had feelings for you...we'll that was just too much pain. Because without you loving me, I could not love you forever, maybe that proves that I'm bad and weak...
I don't know.
But I could only love so much for so long.

I've fallen out of love with you, but I feel no relief.

Because I still know that we would have been forever if ever.