October 13, 2011

Turn offs list #2---'Phone Etiquettes Please!!!'

The previous post in the 'turn offs' series here had raised a little discomfort (for lack of a better word) amongst some of my readers.
While most took it in the right spirit, there were a few who thought me to be pretty fussy and had the gall to pass cynical comments about me being judgmental et al..sigh!

I just have one thing to say---my list..my blog!! *yawn*

So presenting before you, list #2 as promised---PEP!!! (Phone Etiquette Please!)*drum rolls and confetti in the background*

Have you ever felt the strong urge to slam the phone down on some people?
I mean, I'm sure everyone has encountered this irritating species who have absolutely no phone manners at all.
You don't know what I mean? well, read on...

1) Remember the time you almost went deaf post that STD/ISD call you made to that far-far-away (pun intended) relative of yours?
Needless to say, I too know some highly irritating people who actually screech on the phone in their high pitched voices making me want to hold the phone a mile away from my ear to prevent my ear drums from bursting.
Seriously, the least one can do is have some sort of mercy on the person on the other end of the call and try and realise that the 'telephone' is no longer the 'two cans with a string attached' game you played as screaming kids...sigh!

Then there are those who are apparently so busy in life that the only time they can make to call people up is when they are grabbing a bite.
What follows is long pauses interspersed with the crunch of an apple, the crackle of chips and occassional slurps of coke. You might also get to hear the 'gurgle and rinse mouth' procedure once they have finished eating (if you manage to still tolerate the one sided conversation).
The above conversationalists (if you can actually call them that) are usually said to be good listeners.
But sadly, the only reason they seem to be listening is because they have their mouths full every time they are on phone.

Heaven forbid, if they try and actually speak something then.
I have personally ended such conversations with a "Ummm, I think I will speak to you after you are through with your lunch." to which I have received replies like "Naaah, this is the best time we can talk." Needless to say, what followed was a distasteful conversation in which I  continued with 'Ahaan...'s and 'Hmmm...'s while the person at the other end slurped and burped away (Neither of us has a clue as to what we spoke that day).
Blasphemy, I tell ya!

One serious advice I would like to render to everyone around is please and I mean PLEASE do not take your cell phones with you to the loo just because you don't want to break the conversation in between, thinking it is impolite to do so.
NO! it is NOT impolite.What is impolite is you strutting to the restroom with your phone to the ear thus leaving the person at the other end with no choice but to hear a wide range of bathroom activities (worse still, if it's a public restroom) while you go yapping away in oblivion.
In case you have forgotten, nobody in this whole wide world wants to hear you pee and then have the idea confirmed by the loud sound of the flush.
and yes, the person on the phone does not need sensitive ears to hear all that.The normal set we humans are gifted with, will do.
So please, the next time you want to answer natures call, hang up!! No matter how important the conversation is, you can always call back in 5 minutes.

4) OK, I have been at my wits end with this one.
There used to be this friend of mine who would speak to me while on his way back home. Initially I would think he was the busiest man on the planet and cut him some slack. But as time passed by, I  realised I was been given pretty much what is called the 'RJ on the drive home' priority.
Still giving him the benefit of doubt, I kept mum..only to find him yelling at me one day because i couldn't hear his voice clearly due to network coverage and asked him to repeat what he said (this was because of the use of hands-free during the drive).
Now that I think back on it, imagine the cheek!
Enough of digressing, lets come to the point. Some idiots have this irritating knack of making you feel you need to visit the ENT, when they can easily solve the issue by either adjusting the distance of the mike/receiver from their big mouth or adjusting the small setting called volume or plain switching off the music system during a call. *rolling eyes*
If that still doesn't solve the problem (which nine out of ten times they refuse to acknowledge as their fault), they can hang up and call back later because common courtesy says that it is in no way acceptable in even your wildest moronic world that you blame the person on the other side, especially when you have made the call.
Nobody loves to play deaf or make you repeat your pearls of wisdom.
If you can't have enough patience to bear up with a bad network without making the friend you've called feel responsible for it, then you should either work on your patience level, your conversation skills or self entertainment (listen to the radio instead, that way you would still yell at the RJ when the signal breaks..but who cares?! It would be just you losing your mind.)
So all those who call up their friends/family/girlfriend/spouse as a stress buster and then proceed to ruin the day for everyone by venting out their frustration on the surprised and innocent victim, please remember, you are not doing anyone a favor by working long hours and getting ass kicked by your boss or skewing up your workload..and if you think its all about you, then you deserve to be made to crawl in some dingy hole with no network coverage and never get out of there. :-|

5) 'Call waiting' is an option which is to be made use of when you know you are going to revert back within 2-3 mins max and not 2-3 hours.
Having hereby made my point, I will now proceed further.

6) When the conversation comes to the point of more than five or six "so...what else?" and "Aur batao" followed by "Nothing much. You tell me," every single time, please know that it is time to hang up.
No celestial power would help you bring up another topic to rekindle the spice in the conversation.
Its gone...finished...dead...over. Trying to flog a dead horse would make both you and the dead animal look stupid. (you get the point, don't you?)

So end the conversation politely. There is always the next one--you don't need to stress out your brain to think of everything under the sun, moon and sky only to eventually freak out the person at the other end.

7) Telling someone you'd call and then conveniently forgetting all about it is also a major turn off.If you can't/don't want to keep a commitment, don't make one. It's simple!

Also please know that when someone says 'Don't call me. Il'l call you' there is a 80% chance of not getting back in touch.So please don't huff and puff about it, or bad mouth the person---because a promise without a time frame is not a promise at all.

Both the above behaviour's are equally putting off!

8) Last but not the least, please do not talk in groups.
I have been in situations wherein I have been telephonically mobbed by the whole family, with the call on speaker and needless to say, they haven't heard from me in a long time since then. I mean just imagine, all you want is a silent peaceful conversation and the next thing you know is the entire family is asking you questions and passing on messages to some distant relative.
Seriously, you cant be that cheap. Make individual phone calls. Give the caller some time to breathe. It's not a rapid fire round and nobody is going anywhere.
Besides half the time, you don't even know who is cracking a joke on you. Somewhere in the distance you hear a cackle and keep wondering what it was for. Did you say something wrong? Did you make a fool of yourself? Is someone in the extended family commenting on your voice? Did you just sound like a confused idiot?
These group conversations surface up a lot of insecurities, I tellya.
So conversations on speaker are clearly a NO!!!

Hmmm..I guess that should be about all.
So coming to you, what is it that ticks you off most during a phone conversations?
Do feel free to contribute your 'Dial M for murder' stories/experiences (the ones in which you wished you could actually kill someone over the phone for succumbing you to sheer torture).
I would love to read you and a good laugh is always welcome around here---any day, any time, eh?

So until we meet again with turn offs list #3...

and keep calling! ;)


diana said...

hehehe...awesome post

even i get bugged with people who eat while talking :P
the 'flush' thing is so funny.i almost died laughing.
bwhahahaha :-)))

diana said...

hehehe...awesome post

even i get bugged with people who eat while talking :P
the 'flush' thing is so funny.i almost died laughing.
bwhahahaha :-)))

Unknown said...


Phoenix said...

If everyone you spoke to, took this seriously, you'd pretty much be left with 5% of your current call volume :)

Pri said...

@ diana
im glad you enjoyed reading :D

Pri said...

@ tapas
that grin says it all, eh? :D

Pri said...

@ phoenix
awwww..cmonnn...these pointers were pretty BASIC in my opinion.
95% of the people i speak to/are my friends doi not belong to the above categories..im lucky like that!
and if the statistical 5% who slurp coke, yell, flush, have nothing to say or keep me waiting--decide never to call me up again after having read this, then i guess im still at the better end of the deal...no? ;)

Vyankatesh said...

Quite a collection.

Some of the instances are a horror :).

Loved the last cartoon !!

Ruchi Jain said...

point 3 really pensive..
good work.

Ruchi Jain said...

point 3 really pensive..
good work.