March 04, 2011


What does it take to get rid of a particular emotion for good? to cleanse our system of that one emotion, we think is better off left unexperienced?

I have always feared 'love' has always made me feel vulnerable to the point of hurting deep within.
It has made me feel pain, jealousy, anger, envy, possesiveness, fear, anxiety and a wide range of other interconnected emotions which i sometimes feel life was and perhaps is, better off without.

but the faster i have tried to run, the quicker it has caught up with me, challenging me at every step as if to mockingly say "lets see if you can escape".
I have seen friends fall in love and then have their partners cheat on them.
I have heard of people madly in love falling apart because they grew out of it.
I have felt the ugly face of love scare and scar people close to me for life.
and yet, even all this has not succeeded in keeping me away from that damned emotion...

Yet, everytime i run, i am slowed down by sepia tinted memories which somehow always manage to appear more alluring in hindsight.
Everytime i shed these tears, its more out of respect for the past than from the pain of the present.
Everytime i write a diary entry, i reminisce over the walk on the rainbow more than i recall the mess from the storm.

I guess its human nature to brood over the past, get nostalgic from time to time and hold misery close to the heart, perhaps more cos we have created it ourselves.

They tell me im being too hard on myself, trying too hard to come to terms with life.
They tell me they are all sailing in the same boat, feeling and facing the same tempest.

seriously, sometimes i am left surprised by our affinity to attract pain.
seriously, sometimes i think what we all need, is a little 'emotional' catharsis..........


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

LOvel-y Emotion is just like Dilip Kumar in "DEEDAR"..whenever movie was to end..... he used to hurt himself... again and again....the Show must Go on.... :O

A Germ