March 24, 2011

Once upon a time...

"We've gone our own ways and I know its for the best, but sometimes I wonder will I ever have a friend like you again?"

A long time ago, i had written a post for someone---honest to the core and true to the T.
This someone was and hopefully still is, a very good who does not read 'nostalgic moments' much nowadays though.
So anyhow, as i was saying, the post i had written was and will always remain one very close to my heart.
I had preferred not disclosing any name there but every single line of that post was inspired by him, on how much i valued his friendship.
Much to my surprise, i received an sms that very same evening asking me point blank if it was him that i was talking of, in the article.

Its weird isn't it how we take so much care to wrap up things in loads of coloured paper and how it is always exactly that someone whom we are hiding it from, that comes and sees right through it?
It is somewhat like you are trying to conceal a zit with loads of makeup on your face and someone who you least want to notice it, walks right up to you and casually points it out asking "heyy is that a pimple?"

I remember how flustered it had got me.
Clueless how to react, i'd wondered on whether i should reply or not.
not replying would just confirm his doubt and the idiot would realise how much our friendship meant to me.
so as usual i'd laughed it away with dry humour telling him he was not that important.
Conversations were a daily part of our life back then--a routine..and the post was pretty much about the same.
Infact, thinking of it, i do not even recall what it was that had made me lie.
Was it the embarrassment of writing about a friendship which i feared might have been much too random to him than to me?
or was it the fear of complicating things and creating hurtful misunderstandings due to what might have been a few carelessly thrown unintentional literary exaggerations?

What was it that had made me hide behind that cover of undisclosed writing which for the first time, i wasn't prepared to take responsibility of explaining?

Today, i stumbled upon that post again---looking at me as if with a sense of betrayal, and got transported back to those times.
Today, life is no longer the same.We hardly catch up on friendly banter nowadays.
We are much too caught up with our own lives, fighting our own battles.
I though, sometimes still search for the reason i ran away from confronting his question that day.
and even today, i find myself with no answer.

All i know is that there is still that something which keeps me away from pressing the 'send' option on my cellphone screen.

...and the text gets saved in my draft folder yet again "that post i had written--it was you i was talking about :)"

As life goes on, some friendships fade for no apparent reason!!


Phewww said...

omg... the last time is so true.. it happens a lot of time... i hav felt the same...

hope ur frnd comes back to u.... dont lose hope.. ok.. :) somethin good is waitin.. ;)

Anonymous said...

SO very true, and that, at times leaves us in a pool of questions without an answer .. I have felt it time and again too . Sometimes its easy to console by being grateful for brief happiness , but at times those very things pops up some more unanswerable questions ..

Hope your friend reads this , and understand what you still are trying hard to hide , this time , willfully doing so that he grasp it more soon

Alka Gurha said...

Your posta are straight from the heart...swathed in emotional hues. Lovely.

A grain of sand said...

aah lovely read! :)

Hyde Park Poetry Palace said...

bless you and your friends.

RiĆ  said...

Totally agree with the last line....i m sure a lot of ppl will coz that happens to be the story of my life!

Priyadarshini Joyce said...

I guess I know the person.
hope frndship grows alive all over agn :)

lotsaa wishes :))

Pri said...

@ anoop
ohh dont get me wrong..the friendship never went away..just that its faded a little :)
im a firm believer of whatever happens, happens for a reason.
just that this incident makes me feel guilty at times that i couldn't give it its due when i had the chance..

@ adreamygirl
thanks dear..but i guess it wont make as much sense to either of us now as it would have then... when the friendship fades, its value fades too :)

@ alka gurha
i guess the heart wanted to admit out certain things the mind felt guilty of and so took this chance to express...a little too late perhaps, to save a dying friendship but neverthless :)

Pri said...

@ 4 those who care

@ promising poets parking lot
thankyou :)

@ ria
i guess thats the story of every1s life in general.
It's ironic, how life sometimes makes u walk away from people you once thought you would never leave behind :)

@ priya
well, im not too sure you would know (unless ofcourse u are 'assuming' you do)
but anyways, thanks :)

w3school said...

True....i agree...

Vyankatesh said...

Very nicely written!!

What if we write about someone, and then wonder whether he/she has read it and think what would they have felt??

Pri said...

@ w3school

@ vyankatesh
well, in all honesty, that thought did cross my mind for a moment..
but charces are more of it going unnoticed..
and even if not, i dont think there would be any point blank questions this time :)

Pri said...

@ holy trance